When does an INFJ give up?

[Eventhorizon]

This isnt infj related, this is girl/woman related.
If she has gone on dates with you and is open to more and continues to have conversations with you maybe she the type of person who takes their time getting to know someone. Unfortunately you have to be willing to put your heart out there. Meaning willing to take the risk of falling for the girl but her never falling for you. You have to be yourself, relaxed and not expecting reward for being yourself. You have to accept that regardless of how you feel about her she may never feel the same. The pay off of course is that one day she does feel the same and you live happily ever after as at least 25% of the population seems to if you use the measure of relationships that last 15 years or more...

If you like the girl tell her but dont expect her to say the same to you. Shell tell you what she wants you to know.

Mo, may be off.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Oh hey and one more thing. Be direct. If the girl says she likes you as a friend receopcate and tell her the same. Tell her you very much like her as a friend (meaning it of course because if you dont this is all meaningless) and that anyone should consider themselves lucky to have her as a friend. HOWEVER she also needs to understand that you will always think of her in a romantic way and ALWAYS want to be closer to her. That will never stop and that every conversation she has with you, that is the way you are thinking of her.
Now this may cause her to avoid you potentially if she thinks she doesnt feel like theres any chance of a relationship like that with you. In which case you have your answer. Move on. But if she does continue to converse with you ...well figure it out.

Good luck btw.

 

[Paideia]

Thanks EventH...

I will give it a couple of days and the drop something along the line of what TheDaringHatTrick said. She didn't respond to my last message so I think the "good luck with that " was a convo-ender, but no harm in being more forthright after I've given her a few days to respond.

 

[Blax91]

As EventH said, the quickest way for an answer is to be direct, probably the best. As I said before, INFJ's like others to initiate, and feel out the expectations of a situation. If you initiate a muddled, "I'm just going to put out probes to feel this situation out," you'll never get anywhere with an INFJ - that's how we operate and we depend on others not being like us. However, if you initiate an honest, direct, and deep discussion, well now she knows its permissible for her to be the same way. Whether she acts on that permission is now a question of how comfortable she feels around you, as what you're going to be direct and honest about are feelings and emotions, and those are pretty guarded treasures to INFJ's (and people in general). INFJ's will appreciate the strength it takes to be vulnerable and go out on a limb like that, so you'll get points there. Expect a well thought out response, or her to feel really guilty if she never responds.

Just don't be too brief or terse, and also don't be over dramatic (we pick that stuff up and discard it as dishonest). Show her your ability to consider both hers and your own feelings and respect for her decisions. Highly valuable to an INFJ. Hope this helps.

 

[Paideia]

Ok here's an update. I wanted to be direct, but decided it could quickly be too much too early, so I decided to go half-way, since she's not back for a few weeks still.

I wrote:

"well, in any circumstance it was a nice surprise to hear for you go ahead and contact me if you want some inspiration or want me to explain the global situation You're a cool person, and I hope we stay in touch"

she responded:

"okay I promise to only contact you if it's to talk about global affairs But thanks you're also cool hahah. Ciao"

I took that as asking permission - so I told her she could contact me for any reason she wanted. Anyways, that's the end of this advice thread. Thanks for the help folks.

 

[Dohavior]

Do INFJs have a hard time of letting go of an idea they believe in?

Only ideas that INFJ have a hard time letting go of are privacy and personal space. Apparently us NT guys can come off as a bit too insightful. I was in a close relationship with an INFJ girl before so I know what to expect.

One time I met this really sweet INFJ woman online whom I had been helping out with a thing or two. She sent me some obvious flirts and she kept wanting to talk privately with me. So I knew she was an INFJ right from the start, but she did not know what that meant. Then after checking my logs I noticed we had met somewhere else online before. And further more after cross referencing some public files I knew that she lived on this street a few miles down the highway from me and I offered to take her out to this fancy Spanish restaurant just down the road from her. I explained how I was very impressed by the fan fiction genre that she authored elsewhere on her blog.

And if she is reading this right now I just want to say I am sorry for scaring the ever living shit out of you. I really like you and I still want to go out sometime! I love you too, so there is no need to be afraid of your feelings. Come be my INFJ unicorn, I can show you so much more.<3---LOVE---<<

But yeah.. she made my life hell for a month or so, got me banned from all sorts of places and destroyed my social circle with a bunch of lies.