Whats more painful...

blueflame

blueflame

Regular Poster
MBTI
INFJ
Being rejected or not approaching someone at all and then they date someone like you so you know you had a good chance you just never took it? I really have to get over my insecurity and lack of confidence to say something to this person eventually.
 
The latter is much worse, rejection is normal and shouldn't be a counter to your actions, with or without confidence.
 
Counting down from least to most painful...


Being rejected.


Not approaching someone at all and then they date someone like you so you know you had a good chance you just never took it.


Being rejected and then they date someone like you.
 
I'd like to say. "At least I tried" rather then. "Why didn't I fucking try?" :P
 
blueflame said:
Being rejected or not approaching someone at all and then they date someone like you so you know you had a good chance you just never took it? I really have to get over my insecurity and lack of confidence to say something to this person eventually.
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I would say that both rejection and not approaching someone at all can be painful. The thing about rejection is it's over and done with and you can move on. The thing about not approaching someone at all is that you get to agonize over the "what if's" for the remainder of your days :)

Who knows, if you approach someone you might find that your insecurities are completely unfounded and you'll be pleasantly surprised. Life is to short to not say how you feel about someone. That's something that I have learned.
 
blueflame said:
Being rejected or not approaching someone at all and then they date someone like you so you know you had a good chance you just never took it? I really have to get over my insecurity and lack of confidence to say something to this person eventually.
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Being rejected is worse because the second scenario will never happen. There is no one like me. I've been told so repeatedly, usu. with a tone of disgust so, it must be true. LOL.
 
blueflame said:
Being rejected or not approaching someone at all and then they date someone like you so you know you had a good chance you just never took it? I really have to get over my insecurity and lack of confidence to say something to this person eventually.
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Immediately? Being rejected (if you have the mentality that makes it seem like being rejected is a bad thing). In the long run, not approaching someone. With that being said, I'm pretty sure you knew the answer before you made this thread.
 
Not trying. I mean, rejection is something you get over quickly enough and, in an odd way, can even be kind of fun. But not trying and then seeing her with someone else? That just sucks.
 
[MENTION=499]blueflame[/MENTION] Sack up & Do it. There IS no one like you. You'll at least peak their interest, and they'll probably approach you in the future. Let them be the one who's kicking themselves. You're an INFJ, baby! :m027:
 
Never trying is more of a limiter
than trying and failing -
such is the only way to find
your limits; such is the only
way to push your boundaries.

May I suggest Siddhartha by Herman Hesse
and Homeland by R.A Salvatore? They are
short novels with a much longer, deeper
impact that I believe will help you more
than any words I could impart.

Live life, else live in doubt and fear.

Please forgive me if the following
doesn't suit your musical tastes,
but I thought it may help:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46q5nWw55Bg"]YouTube - ‪Mumford & Sons - The Cave || Lyrics Video‬‏[/ame]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwTRMHscVB8"]YouTube - ‪Poets Of The Fall - War [Twilight Theater album]+Lyrics‬‏[/ame]


All the best, I sympathize :)
 
Thanks everyone for the great advice and encouragement. Thanks for the Music and book reccomendations as well ;)
 
I'd much rather be rejected than not know if I missed the boat, agonizing over what could have been. A long time ago I really liked someone and it took me weeks to build up the courage just to ask him, "So...do you have family around here?" (indirectly alluding to a marriage or children or girlfriend situation) I literally waited weeks to steer the conversation in that direction after he asked me something that made such an inquiry appropriate...
When he said he was engaged, I actually felt relieved to have the closure, so I could stop having such a crush on him.

You should take a chance and go for it. Being rejected isn't the end of the world, it just means that there is someone else out there you will be happy with.
 
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Rejection is a short, sharp sting that in some ways has its own pleasure.

The regret of censoring oneself as it regards the expression of attraction, and the later mental masturbations centered around “what if?” scenarios are something else entirely, and given a choice (to avoid pain), I’d choose rejection.


cheers,
Ian
 
I'd say rejection personally. I've been more damaged by rejection than not bothering at all, so I'd say it's the most painful.
 
Rejection hurts more if you over-invest yourself personally.

Rejection hurts less if you are level headed: you just don't "put your heart into the hands of a stranger." A first date must be something relatively meaningless, because you don't know the person well enough for it to be anything more.
 
Do it!
Working up the courage is really difficult and takes so much time if you over think it. Whatever happens, it's worth it.
[I've definitely noticed a pattern in my romantic life, where I'm really into someone from afar, then become their friend (or not, back in my sad grade school days), then obsess more and more and try to build up the courage to do anything about it. Then I finally do! And find that they're not interested... then I'm sad... then I realize that I'm better than them and that I only obsessed because I enjoy the thrill of infatuation itself. Then I move on as a stronger, smarter, more self-respecting person.
Has anyone else here noticed that pattern? Very curious.]
 
The most painful is the current state of indecision, where the mind exaggerates the theoretical pain of the undesirable outcome (rejection) compared to any possible reality.

In a more general sense, nothing really hurts us (except physically), unless we are suited to be hurt by it. That doesn't mean we can entirely control what could hurt us, but it also never hurts us by itself, without our predisposition.
 
if i'm gonna make the first move, i check for a ring and/or notice who and how she would talk to someone... then i slyly cover up my real questions and fish for information from her first...

i don't really do the non-approach thing... either i'm interested or they are just another business partner and i treat them as such, in a professional manner
 
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