Unintentionally Offending Others When Talking | INFJ Forum

Unintentionally Offending Others When Talking

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by petir, Mar 28, 2019.

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  1. petir

    petir Newbie

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    Does anyone here ever feel like you offend others when you talk?

    That has been the central issue of most of my relationship with people. At my most comfortable state, I talk in an impersonal manner and have a slightly brash way of conversing (it's the way I was brought up). In this case, people tend to be offended by whatever I say or have a negative reaction despite my best intentions which led to people ignoring or avoiding me.

    I can, however, be very soft-spoken and try to think from the perspectives of the person I am talking to but it happens only in environments where I feel like I am supposed to do that (for me it is the workplace, as an example). Very soft-spoken and accommodating to the point that I feel like some people would see me as incompetent and weak, which is counter productive especially in a work environment. Also this way of interacting with others gets tiring after a while because I feel like I am soaking in too much of the person in my psyche (if you get me)

    I can't seem to balance between the two.

    I was wondering if anyone here can relate to this or have any particular experience or advices you could share
     
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  2. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    I've learned to say less than necessary, the fewer words, the better.
     
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  3. noisebloom

    noisebloom theory conspirer
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    I've never offended anyone, and I certainly don't start controversial threads about Hitler.
     
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  4. MoonFlier

    MoonFlier Community Member

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    Everyone has done it, doesn't matter what MBTI you are. None of us are born speaking, we learn speech and mannerisms from those who raised us.

    When I speak brashly my comments usually come from a place of ignorance more than anything. It's a very rare day that I intend to do harm with my words, but sometimes I'm unaware the topic may be a sensitive one. Time, a closed mouth and an open ear/heart usually take care of educating me so I can be better spoken.

    One interesting thing I found when working with my Indian co-workers: It is extremely important to lead all conversations with "Hi, how are you today" civility even if we had just spoken. It's not a bad thing at all and I quite enjoy it. It forces me to slow down and breathe before conversing.

    Even the smoothest talkers had to learn how. It takes practice.
     
    #4 MoonFlier, Mar 28, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2019
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    petir

    petir Newbie

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    That's me at work.. Led to everyone thinking that I am antisocial. It's a lose-lose situation.

    Definitely. Life is all about learning. It just gets tiring on some days that despite meaning well, most people misunderstand my intentions simply because I can't express myself the way I would want it to be.

    Excuse me
     
  6. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    Smile, ask questions, just don't talk much about yourself.
     
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