Unhealthy Fe

Oxidation!

 

LOL, that's just a problem you'll have to.......iron out?



ps--sorry, back to thread.

 

To me, unhealthy Fe is easiest to spot in ExFJ types. I notice it as being "too eager to please" - losing your own values in an effort to help someone else. I notice it in myself similarly - I put too much focus on making others happy, or making things harmonious in general, and forget about my own needs in the process.

 

That's interesting because I always thought that was the healthiest part of myself, when I can give without expectation and help others without being selfish. However, I think you are right because it's caused me a lot of problems as people take advantage of it constantly, as well as leaving me in a position where I rely on others to do the same for me, and they don't. Thanks for pointing this out.

On the other side of the Fence (that was a pun, Fe-nce), I always thought of unhealthy Fe as a very demanding state where a person becomes very insistent about how things should be, intolerant of groups, creates a very us vs. them attitude, prejudices, labeling, and even racism. Unhealthy Fe can also take the form of being aggressively dogmatic. I've seen this on both sides of a lot of issues like politics, religion, etc.

 

I do/did this....

But you know, I noticed I like to control my isolation, rather than be in forced isolation. So I thought "pleasing" everyone would give me control over it, and learned it had the opposite effect.

So now, I risk the possibility making others angry, and then if they want to be around me cool, and if not, cool too. Yet, I still have the control whether to stay or go.

 

Welcome. It took me 30+ years to realize how just helping anyone and everyone I could ended up with me a neurotic mess at the end of the day, and I've watched the same happen to lead Fe types on a (much more) regular basis as well. Since then, I have become much more focused on Right Service - not solving others' problems for them, but helping them in a way that will lead to their own growth.

Agreed - I see this in unhealthy ExFJs, or when they are just under stress - the "MUSTs" start coming out. Even the healthiest ENFJ can look like an ESFJ with how rigid they seem to become.

 

Yeah, that's about where I am in life. I think it is the tendency for us to develop Te in our 30s, which gives us a much more practical perspective to our desire to help.

I see this effect in myself as I get stressed. I move into the overly accommodating side of Fe, but when that doesn't work I start to become very unyielding. I wonder if this is the effect of shadow Fi growing in our Fe as stress becomes more and more intense. In effect, we maintain our Fe sensibilities, but we become more and more concerned with how we feel than how others feel as Fi grows. Because we're unfamiliar with how to make Fi work for us rather than against us, and because it is somewhat antagonistic to Fe, it could cause us to manifest like that.

 

this! helping others more to get something back, to be part of the group. Being so in touch with others that you lose all feeling of self. And by that relying on others for selfasteem, self worth, needing love and complements to feel good. And if that is not given becomming prejudice, harsh etc...

 

Good question. I would assume by using Fe to heal itself.

Try to focus on being tolerant and accepting as well as making sure that you focus on your own needs and keeping yourself emotionally healthy. You can't help others if you are unhealthy, and you can't help others if you are intolerant of their differences.

Use Fe's natural inclinations to help and protect others to motivate yourself into making those changes.

 

By trapping you in a loop, i know everyone is tired of hearing it, but I blame unhealthy Fe on my staying in a bad relationship for a long long long time. 8 years to be exact, and it was because I was too afraid to hurt her by leaving and such. Fe is a good thing, but we need to learn to control it, lest it controls us.

 

Luckily she drained my soul to the point where my feelings literally went away. For me my emotions are like a reserve and when they're depleted I become a real cold bastard. After 8 years she sucked my wellspring of emotions dry and then it was easy to break up.

 

yes becoming more self aware is the cure I think. You have to get what you need from yourself and not from others. Others can never give us enough love and complements to be satisfied. You need to get it from yourself in order to be balanced and to be able to give to others in a healty way.

 

Typical ENTP! :lol:


I would say unhealthy Fe would consist of obsessive concern with social position, gossip, and "office politics" type things. Unhealthy Fe can also manifest in co-dependence, enabling, and similar personality disorders.