[INFJ] - Types you're attracted to? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Types you're attracted to?

Chackabuu

Chackabuu

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Apr 25, 2021
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I'm not specifically talking about compatibility here. What are some personality types you're attracted to as an INFJ and why?

I always thought I liked INTJs, I guess because they're typically intelligent and introverted (could come up with more reasons if I felt like thinking about it). Until I got in a relationship with one and tried to convince myself they weren't that mean. Maybe they're not straight up mean but this person actually had 0% Fe, compared to my 87%.... I don't open up to people that often but I could tell this person was worth it, or so I thought. I ended up getting my heart ripped out over and over, and I kept coming back for more because I couldn't give up. This person really tried to understand me and after pages and pages of explaining myself, I'd hoped they'd be able to see from my perspective but they just couldn't.

This experience made me realize I should probably stay away from INTJs, only to protect my own feelings. Maybe I'll try XXFX someone with feelings.

Feel free to share any similar experiences you've had or tell me about a type you're attracted to.
 
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Chackabuu said:
I'm not specifically talking about compatibility here. What are some personality types you're attracted to as an INFJ and why?

I always thought I liked INTJs, I guess because they're typically intelligent and introverted (could come up with more reasons if I felt like thinking about it). Until I got in a relationship with one and tried to convince myself they weren't that mean. Maybe they're not straight up mean but this person actually had 0% Fe, compared to my 87%.... I don't open up to people that often but I could tell this person was worth it, or so I thought. I ended up getting my heart ripped out over and over, and I kept coming back for more because I couldn't give up. This person really tried to understand me and after pages and pages of explaining myself, I'd hoped they'd be able to see from my perspective but they just couldn't.

This experience made me realize I should probably stay away from INTJs, only to protect my own feelings. Maybe I'll try XXFX someone with feelings.

Feel free to share any similar experiences you've had or tell me about a type you're attracted to.
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Not all INTJs lack feeling. I used to say I was put off by the idea of an INTJ but then a got to know a couple of them here. They are really great guys, and can feel deeply about things. Well I dont know one of them that well but from what I have seen he is awesome, too.. Just because they use Fi over Fe does mean they don't feel anything. Its quite the contrary.

That said... I seem to have this preference for a classy/mature INTJs who have a good sense of humor. I think Elon Musk is a good example.. Also Stephen Hawking. John Nash. At first, I didn't even know these types were INTJ but they apparently are and I absolutely adore all of them. From what I know. For me to love an INTJ... I would need them to have a bit of humility though. I don't like it when one puts themselves over others. I would not prefer to be around an immature or really arrogant INTJ... seems like a recipe for me to despise their behavior lol. It seems like your ex was maybe less mature or didn't love you like they should. :/ Some people, no matter their type, are shitty. :( I'm sorry.

So I've covered INTJs, I also like INTPs. And ISTPs. (My bf is an ISTP, but I usually don't really love being around sensors because I'm surrounded by them and they don't like to go to deeper levels of thinking like me. )

I also really, really adore other INFJs. I think some subtypes of INFJ could annoy me. Again, it's humility that comes to mind. Yes, we all probably have a confusing God complex, I know I do... but I do not take it that serious and I don't claim to be better or know more than others. I don't claim to always know our intuit everything, and I don't even claim to be an empath anymore because some have ruined that word for me. Can I sense others' emotions quite easily? Yeah, but here's the thing. I know nothing for a hundred percent and I'm not ashamed to admit I could be wrong. I'm not some guru. And I don't like it when others do this. :)

I enjoy ENFPs as well. So warm and so friendly!!! Their smile was always so genuine to see me.

I adore INFPs most of the time, but gotta be careful there, because they can be sensitive and I can joke or say something that would offend them if I don't know them that well.

But let's keep in mind types are only a guide. You can have a hundred of one type in a room and they may share common things but they are still all very different. Many things factor in. Their life experiences and genetic makeup for example. Anyway. That's my two cents. :)

More like 2 hundred cents but meh. So what I like to explain things.
 
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Thanks for the input!

I really shouldn't say mean when referring to her or any INTJs for that matter. It was more like she had no awareness of my feelings. She might have tried to, but I guess we were too different in that aspect. Which sucks because we had a lot going for us. She was actually quite a bit older than me, so I'd say she was the mature one, in some aspects. That being said, I eventually found out that she went through some seriously messed up stuff and buried her heart because of it. I brought her heart back to the surface and unintentionally caused her pain.

I'm sure you're right about not all INTJs being this way. It's easy to see why she would be that way when you know her tragic backstory. I'll even admit, learning that stuff made me want her more... you know being the overly helpful INFJ I couldn't resist. That could've been a factor as well, because she was a really independent woman and insisted she didn't need help. I think I did all I could, laid everything out on the table multiple times for her. Oh well ‍♂️
 
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I think as an infj I am "attracted to" every type in some way. It's just that my tolerance and patience for certain habits or modes varies.

Usually I prefer my own company, especially as I've gotten older because I understand better what an enormous task it is to invest properly in another human.
 
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I could be attracted to anyone, and I really have no boundaries when it comes to love. I have learned that I am quite asexual and aromantic unless I'm mirroring someone's attraction with Fe, and what I use to actually decide whether or not I want to pursue, is logic (Ti). I would generally think that confident and accepting people are a better match for me than insecure ones, as it can be at times burdensome to be with people that desire constant validation. However, it is always anxiously attached women that are actually attracted to me on a deeper level, so I've learned the best ways to show them acceptance. It is difficult for me to date with someone if there aren't any feelings on their side already, as I'll be quite passive and neutral - asexual - without someone to spice up my Fexperience.

Overall, I'm the "woman" that these women have to pursue like a "man", due to my reactive and passive nature. I don't like asking anyone out or stuff, but I make sure to show people that I'm totally not dangerous or anything, so that they'll feel more at ease to ask me out if they actually have the intention. I think intention is the important part - not the feeling. I want someone that thinks a relationship with me would be mutually beneficial and desirable. And sure, once I can be reasonably sure of the intention, I might ask someone out as well, but that often takes a year at least.
 
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This is not a very long list for me, but i've had a history of liking an ENTJ, INTP, INFJ, INTJ, INFP. I've included hollywood unreachables in this list. Whichever type it is, the common denominators are intelligence, sensitivity, sweetness, resilience, and being hardworking. An ability to communicate is attractive too. I suppose those characteristics can be any type's
 
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I tend to be attracted to various types....it really depends on the type of person they are and how much I can deal with them. .

I seem to really not bother too much and have always been happy being in my own little bubble most of the time. But other than the usual qualities, I am also attracted to intelligence, good sense of humour and being emotionally stable as some of the key traits I look for in people.
 
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ruji said:
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I think I read some comparisons that most INFJs choose ENFP / ENTP spouses. I've met people of both, but for me, having a fellow Fe user is truly and utterly important for me. Fi users befuddle me and make me frustrated. Nothing against them, of course, I'm just .. probably a bit over-reliant on my Fe.

My best relationships are with fellow INFJs and my absolute most solid relationship is / was with an ENFJ. Their energy is contagious, infectious, and I can build things with them. Their grip stress is understandable for me most times, however...

Being with another INFJ is really hard sometimes. If we both end up in the doldrums and in the throes of grip stress, we detach and become apathetic. It's fine if it's one or the other, but if it's both of us at the same time, it turns into this lifeless, desolate vortex of emptiness that's desperately hard to shake considering that our Fe feeds off one another. Still trying to find a way to combat this.
 
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