Trust first or later?
- Thread starter mochi
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For better or worse, I tend to trust at the start of relationships. Despite all the bad things that have went on in the past, I try to remember that new romantic interests are not the same as old, and while the potential to get hurt and what not is still there, the past is not the present, nor the future. Yeah, I'll probably get pretty boned in the future. lol.
Keep my guard up... trusting blindly has given me nothing but heartache; why bother? Experience has taught me that humans are unpredictable... no matter how well you think you know them (so that goes double for new/potential relationships).
I think a balance between the two is really the best appoach... I call it being "realistic".
Sorry if that sounds a bit cynical... one of those days; logic feels inescapable. I think I'm becoming a T...
I think a balance between the two is really the best appoach... I call it being "realistic".
Sorry if that sounds a bit cynical... one of those days; logic feels inescapable. I think I'm becoming a T...
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I guess a balance is best. I've always read that our destructive relational patterns produce consistent forms of unhealthy trust or mistrust. My therapist says everyone changes, so if a relationship continues, you'll have to keep adapting to each other and deciding how much you trust each other.
For me trust is something that builds and deepens over time by going through and working through all of the things that happen between people in relationships; the misunderstandings, miscommunications, times of need, respect, support, loyalty, confidant, etc., etc.. In the beginning of any relationship whether it be romantic, friendship, or colleague, I test the waters to determine whether or not the person can be trusted and in what ways they can be trusted. This way I find out early on whether or not I can trust the person so I can determine how much to invest in the person and the relationship.
If someone shows me in the beginning of a relationship that they are not trustworthy more than likely they will not be trustworthy down the road either. I also listen to what my gut feelings tell me about a particular individual. If I get an uneasy feeling about someone, even if I can't put it into words, I have learned to heed those warnings as they have been right more often than not.
If someone shows me in the beginning of a relationship that they are not trustworthy more than likely they will not be trustworthy down the road either. I also listen to what my gut feelings tell me about a particular individual. If I get an uneasy feeling about someone, even if I can't put it into words, I have learned to heed those warnings as they have been right more often than not.
I guess I'm kind of bending the definition of "relationship" here, but for me a relationship begins with friendship and I have never had feelings for someone who was not a good friend first. For me, it takes time to get to know someone well enough to feel like I can trust them.
I'm not positive which I do. I'm always withholding while I feel the person out, but I still think I'm too freely trusting which is good. I'd rather be more open than closed.
I trust first as well too, at least until something happens. Once something does, it is then I keep my guard up (or leave). I wish I could be the opposite way though - it would have prevented a lot of pain from being so naive. However, all relationships are a risk, so I'm glad I'm like this, in a way it's all or nothing for me.
I think there are different degrees and different ways in which you can trust others. Everyone has the idiosyncratic strengths and weakness and no one is perfect. I do follow my intuition, but I also try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I was a lot less trusting when I was younger- and i was also much more afraid of making a mistake, being vulnerable and getting hurt. Those things dont matter as much anymore. Im not afraid of making mistakes because I know that I can work past them and it doesnt really matter. Now Im grateful for mine and others mistakes and find that theres a lot to be learned from them.
Clearly, common sense should be excerised and it would be foolish to do the same thing again and again and expect the same result. So learn from past patterns, just make sure you dont expect others to let you down. There is always the danger of self fulfilling prophesy. We see what we expect because we create it. And we see things as we are, not as they are. But overall I think that most people are trustworthy, especaily if you ensure that you are sincere and honest with them, and make an effort to communicate. And if they are not, theres probably a good reason for it, not because they are just inherently untrustworthy. Besides if you dont trust anyone, how can anyone be expected to trust you?
Clearly, common sense should be excerised and it would be foolish to do the same thing again and again and expect the same result. So learn from past patterns, just make sure you dont expect others to let you down. There is always the danger of self fulfilling prophesy. We see what we expect because we create it. And we see things as we are, not as they are. But overall I think that most people are trustworthy, especaily if you ensure that you are sincere and honest with them, and make an effort to communicate. And if they are not, theres probably a good reason for it, not because they are just inherently untrustworthy. Besides if you dont trust anyone, how can anyone be expected to trust you?
I'm not sure.
I think I'd say that I tend to trust at first, if there is no obvious reason for me not to (which there often is, meh), yet that I never let my guard down, so to say. So, a bit of both, I guess. I seldom fully trust anyone though, and I never really let my guard down. I can be a bit paranoid, and I often break up relations.
I think I'd say that I tend to trust at first, if there is no obvious reason for me not to (which there often is, meh), yet that I never let my guard down, so to say. So, a bit of both, I guess. I seldom fully trust anyone though, and I never really let my guard down. I can be a bit paranoid, and I often break up relations.
Do I wholly and completely trust a new partner? No, of course not. But if I'm starting a relationship with someone, some level of trust is already implicit. I wouldn't date someone I thought had the capacity to be unfaithful or dishonest. And if they haven't given me a reason to distrust them from the get-go, well, I guess that would put me in whatever category mitigates openness with a healthy dose of caution.
It depends on my gut feeling when I first meet someone. Some people I trust immediately with just about anything. Others I will never trust with anything. It is very rare for me to start trusting someone that I initially don't trust, but I have withdrawn trust after knowing someone. Ironically the nicer people are to me the less I tend to trust them. (working on that.)