Too Nice?

I've been there. The struggle. It's seriously hard. I spent a year with a very toxic person and finally, after she gave me plenty of excuses (she was anything but loyal, or a keeper), I finally shut her down and cut her off completely. It was cold and fucking harsh but she brought it on herself and deserved it.

It sounds like your significant other is nice enough / loyal enough that it is probably much harder for you to do what you need to do. I don't know. My situation was easy because she was a whore. You have to find the strength inside to do what's best for you.

 

Perfect/ timing matter so much less than being proactive and doing something. It's not going to get any better waiting around, for you nor your partner.

 

Dishonest, deceptive

So you couldn't love them the way you hoped. That's OK, human love isn't perfect. Now it's time to let go and move on.

 

Reminds me and of those Nice Guys on Reddit. Seems more cowardly than nice.

 

Maybe look at it this way- you are keeping them from finding someone who will adore them. So really, you aren't being very nice.

 

The worst part is when you know the other person is being shitty but you love them anyways. Then they dump you, usually in the worst way possible, and you realize how much better your life could have been a year ago with someone who thinks you're totally rad. #mylife

 

Yes, this is not nice behaviour. It's not the honesty that hurts, it's the lies.

 

The thing is, you're disrupting their life right now, and the worst part is, they just don't know it. The longer you string them along like this, the worse it'll be when you finally get the courage to end it - yes, courage, because I think sometimes our silence stems from fear of the backlash from the other person. Right now, you are in an empty relationship, and you have admitted you are not happy. Your partner deserves better than that. You deserve better than that. How do you make yourself do it? You just do it. You gather yourself, and take the plunge. And then you move on.

 

Perhaps it is time to stop worrying about them one way or the other.

What about you? Life is short, and you never can know how short.

You aren’t happy now, and you have a finite amout of time left.

Don’t spend any more of it not happy. Go find happy. Go make happy.

Actually be nice, to yourself, and them, and set them, and yourself, free.

The sooner you do that, the sooner you have the chance to live the life you want.


Well-Wishes,
Ian

 

aeon is a "good vibes" sort of fellow, I can only aspire to his kindness.

I agree here, it isn't selfish.

Best regards to you, may you both find your happiness.

 

If you have thought through all the issues, talked to your partner and tried to resolve them - and that didn't work ? Then you should not feel guilty or obligated, you can't maintain a healthy relationship in that way, and it would only hurt both of you. Sometimes relationships don't work out, people are not always compatible no matter how hard they try.

Prepare yourself, find the right moment and be honest with your partner. It will probably be rough, but that has to better than carrying on if you feel the relationship has not worked out. Take care.

 

I thank the both of you.

I wasn’t always like this...I had to try every other way first, and fail. Fueled by all sorts of valley of shadow stuff.

But at a certain point, I had a choice...I could love myself for who I was, where I was, or...well, better not to talk about that.

And so I did...at 47 years of age...and this funny thing happened...

I didn’t worry about myself anymore, but it became heartbreaking to see someone in a place that reminded me in some way of my past.

But I thought maybe I could share something of myself to let them know that they were no less for their situation, no less for anything.

And then something else happened...I trusted my heart and followed it to where it wanted to go...and in so doing, I found the love of my life.

Better late than never! When I finally had no options left but to be myself, and love myself for being that self, that self, and the world, were remade.

Only Love Matters. Amor Vincit Omnia.


Blesséd Be,
Ian

 

Hey there! If you are absolutely sure that nothing will come out of this relationship, then you need to end things asap. You worry about hurting your significant other, but I promise you that the hurt will be far greater the longer you wait. The most loving and kind thing you can do is not string this person along, so that they can find someone who will adore them.

 

Let's call a spade a spade. By "too nice" you are putting a pretty face on cowardice and cruelty. Deceiving someone is not nice at all. Rip off that bandage already, goddammit. Stop being selfish and tell your SO the truth - finally.

 

What's bad about your relationship?