To Brood

[Carola]

I would like to ask to you which functions could be involved in this ...

I often make actions and then if i think that i could have been hurting , disturbing , unfair i over-think about it ...
And i think what could others think about it , if they are disappointed.And i feel so much guilty, and imagine everything that others could have felt . I'm talking about little things too.

For example yesterday a virtual friend said to me that i made him feel accepted and that he felt that i was a really good person , and that i can make out of him his caring and sensitve part from the first moment he talked to me (he is INTP , he has some problems dealing whit emotions, feelings, values generally).

I aswered that to me he is a very very intelligent guy and that i enjoy talking to him because he is brilliant.Now, then i thought that maybe i should have said something more ''personal'' , human , that could show to him how human he is and sensitive , and that he could have felt again ''robotic'' as someone make him feel.So i added that to me he is a really deep person and sensitive guy even if he can't always show it.

Anyway i think again about it , i should have said it from the first moment , and i should have cut the first part. And this sometimes happen with random thing i made .

Another litte example... I talked to a teacher about a personal problem. SHe tried to understand and help me.After that , i didn't talked to her to say how i dealed with that issue.I have thought sometimes that she could have felt responsable in some manner , so i had to talk to her...Even if i thought so i 've not talked to her.SOmetimes i thought that i should have avoided to talk to der at all , because i gave to her a responsability(she was the only to know that thing) more exactly that she could feel that way (she is a sensitive person , a deep woman , i guess that it is possible...).And other random possibilities like that.

 

[Nixie]

I don't know about functions but I like to talk about our Inner Voice. Your inner voice sounds like a Disapproving Biddy. Honestly if I were you I would work on learning to change how that Voice sounds.

Specifically: Why not just be happy that someone said you made them feel accepted? Why the angst about what you "could have" or "should of" said. Was this the very last converstation with this individual? Could you not remind yourself next time to compliment him in a way that shows your approval for his emotional growth?

When you seek to castigate yourself and show your actions in the smallest possible light, I think it is time to consider taking a deeper look at how you feel about yourself versus looking at what function it can be attributed to. I am sure you are a lovely person, the key is being able to look in the mirror and see that for yourself. Good Luck.

 

[acd]

@Sonya 's post is amazing.
She is right-on. Heed those wise words.
What really matters is that you take control of that negativity in your head and replace it with nurturing and positive dialogue.

 

[Carola]

I don't know about functions but I like to talk about our Inner Voice. Your inner voice sounds like a Disapproving Biddy. Honestly if I were you I would work on learning to change how that Voice sounds.

Specifically: Why not just be happy that someone said you made them feel accepted? Why the angst about what you "could have" or "should of" said. Was this the very last converstation with this individual? Could you not remind yourself next time to compliment him in a way that shows your approval for his emotional growth?

When you seek to castigate yourself and show your actions in the smallest possible light, I think it is time to consider taking a deeper look at how you feel about yourself versus looking at what function it can be attributed to. I am sure you are a lovely person, the key is being able to look in the mirror and see that for yourself. Good Luck.

Yes you're right.I looked to functions as a curiosity... Of course i have to solve this.Thanks a lot for your sweet and deep words

 

[Majesty]

Have you always been this way or is it recent?

 

[Carola]

Have you always been this way or is it recent?

Recently it is stronger i guess.I have an attitude to think about what others think about me and how i have affected them , feel guilty (of impriopriety , or in general mistakes) and things like that.It happens also when i've been in the center of the attention of a group or of a single person, i can think that i was excessive for something .
But that was really moderate, and not always so ''negative'' .Anyway don't trust to much what i said , i'm not able to remember well my past , honestly...
I'm not so sure about it.
All i said is surely true for the present and the recent past.

 

[justeccentricnotinsane]

Recently it is stronger i guess.I have an attitude to think about what others think about me and how i have affected them , feel guilty (of impriopriety , or in general mistakes) and things like that.It happens also when i've been in the center of the attention of a group or of a single person, i can think that i was excessive for something .
But that was really moderate, and not always so ''negative'' .Anyway don't trust to much what i said , i'm not able to remember well my past , honestly...
I'm not so sure about it.
All i said is surely true for the present and the recent past.

I recognise all you have said and agree with Sonya. I think if you're a little this way naturally and then you start feeling anxious about something or you start feeling negative, then that part of you goes haywire. I have it to a great extent, that I worry about everything I say. One of my friends was similar but she worried that what she was saying was boring, I more worry about how I can affect others and also what they think of me.

I think you need to look outside of yourself to others and see how they act. They don't worry so much and sometimes they might even say the wrong thing, but no one feels particularly hurt by it or remembers it. It's just part of being human.

 

[Majesty]

Well if you didn't really care before and later randomly started caring about other people in a very awkward way, that's Fe puberty.

 

[Carola]

Well if you didn't really care before and later randomly started caring about other people in a very awkward way, that's Fe puberty.

I think i cared , but not this way.I was far more self centred i guess.
Now i'm more ''soft'' with others.Maybe i've to consider that there were some changes in my life and some (somewhat hurting) experiences as well that make this thing stronger.

 

[Majesty]

in that case its most likely not related to functions

 

[Carola]

in that case its most likely not related to functions

I guess it could be a mixture as well , because lately that's stronger even if these events are not all actual.
Thanks for the food for thought anyway.