Thoughts From A Tired Soul

[MoonFlier]

yes they did, been snuggle bugs all day

Speaking of bugs....this latest chapter I wouldn't wish on my darkest enemies.

Uh oh.
I am chuckling out of fear... please tell me it has nothing to do with maggots or leeches.
I'd rather hear you had a line of sugar ants marching through your kitchen.

 

[aeon]

please tell me it has nothing to do with maggots or leeches.

or...bedbugs.

Yikes,
Ian

 

[Sandie33]

Uh oh.
I am chuckling out of fear... please tell me it has nothing to do with maggots or leeches.
I'd rather hear you had a line of sugar ants marching through your kitchen.

This cracked me up reading it...I was referring to micro buggies...I'm trussed up in a wound vac laddled with nasty tasting antibiotics every four hours. I keep walking laps around my kitchen table with my shiny rolater every forty minutes or so trying to build my strength back. It's no light walk with a gash 23cm by 11cm to wrestle, lol.

One plus is, friends stopped by with some awesome peanut butter chocolate chip, and cranberry almond white chocolate chip cookies today. I swapped them a half of apple pie I found in my freezer that my house sitter left for me. lol. She also left a small turkey breast and all the fixings so when I'm feeling better I can cook. I had turkey dinner at the hospital Tuesday night which settled that craving for a bit. The pedialyte gels fill the tummy up fast so dinner was grilled cheese and fruit.

Greens, beans, and loaded burritos going forward.
Armed with a fist full of fun recipes for one, a new direct delivery insulin pump and a new outlook will help me kick this, I hope.

 

[MoonFlier]

Oh boy. Well, glad it's not creepy crawlies.

I had to look up what a wound vac is, I know we have many people here who do know, but I had no idea. From John Hopkins:

A wound vacuum system has several parts. A foam or gauze dressing is put directly on the wound. An adhesive film covers and seals the dressing and wound. A drainage tube leads from under the adhesive film and connects to a portable vacuum pump. This pump removes air pressure over the wound. It may does this either constantly. Or it may do it in cycles.

The dressing is changed every 24 to 72 hours. During the therapy, you’ll need to carry the portable pump everywhere you go.

That's pretty intense.So who helps you change the dressing?

Wow... and wheels too. I think they're turning you into a droid. Very cool... that means you'll live forever, or until your charger no longer fits the modern outlets.

 

[Sandie33]

I had to look up what a wound vac is

Me too when they first ran it past me as a healing option.

That's pretty intense.So who helps you change the dressing?

It is intense, until the sponge system looks like an oversized fish tank filter system. The tubing siphons the contents of the sponge into a sealed plastic reservoir. It has a packet that reacts and once full it beeps at me to change out the reservoir attachment. The sponge is changed at the surgeons tomorrow morning then I'll be headed to the wound clinic at the hospital three days a week. The sponge is held in with an adhesive pad that stretches over the entire area. It looks similar to the vacuum sealed food pouches in a seal-a-meal. That initial suction hurts like the devil but as the machine adjusts and readjusts the pressure over a few hours the surface sensitivity acclimates and it feels like a tight girdle.

What convinced me was the vac heals faster. Doc said I was looking at at minimum a 40-day heal with tape and abs bandages...with the vac that time should be half that provided my body works with us.

The underlying issue is I've had one illness and stressor tossed at me for the past 5 years or so, and my body needs to have the time to rebuild, which the past year hasn't. Exposing the immune system to repetitive illness and it not performing correctly has been tough. The docs say that if I fuel up with what it needs I have a chance....they also told me that "next" time could be the last time.....so there is a lot to consider while I'm making plans and clearing up current estate and family dynamics.

Wow... and wheels too. I think they're turning you into a droid. Very cool... that means you'll live forever, or until your charger no longer fits the modern outlets

a solar powered Droid....no need for a hook up lol

 

[Sandie33]

 

[MoonFlier]

Rainbow? Ignore AJ adding to the load:

 

[MoonFlier]

Hope you're doing better day by day.

 

[Sandie33]

Hope you're doing better day by day.

Yes, thank you.

The docs removed the wound vac yesterday after deciding it wasn't letting me get the sleep I needed. It continued to alarm every 8 minutes because the location pushed the tubing off the sponge and it wasn't doing what it was intended to do. Now I'm packed and taped up. The doc did say I'm healing nicely and that's a plus. Regaining strength back is hard-won, but with time and a strict diet plan it will come back.

Knowing I'll not get back to who I once was physically is an adjustment, bit doable.

I go in on Thursday to have my insulin pump installed and learn how to use it. It should make living easier once the fear of a repeat DKA episode is gone. I sure don't want to go through that ever again.

 

[John K]

As always, I'm thinking of you Sandy. I'm so glad that things are starting to look up, though it sounds like there's still a way to go. You more than deserve some well-earned time to just enjoy life again for a bit, so here's hoping.

 

[Sandie33]

As always, I'm thinking of you Sandy. I'm so glad that things are starting to look up, though it sounds like there's still a way to go. You more than deserve some well-earned time to just enjoy life again for a bit, so here's hoping.

Thank you John for the hope. ♡
I am planning a vacation weekend around the time of my birthday. I'm thinking that even a couple of days wandering around and forgetting the past year will be beneficial and rejuvenating.

..........


I did manage to waddle to the garage and put the rake away to retrieve the snow shovel today. The car hadn't been started nor driven in over 2 weeks so I let it run a few minutes while I got the shovel and then turned it around out of the way of the walk. It's going to be at least another week before I can drive. Just getting in the car I sprang a leak and needed to add an ABS until my change out tomorrow. It's amazing how many muscles we use for the simplest of tasks.

 

[Sandie33]

There is something inherently wrong with the lack of in-home medical care right now.

I have been in a mental shock of sorts since Friday's wound clinic vist. The surgeon's office can no longer change my dressings every other day. One reason is I'm progressing with healing that the bandages need change every day.....that being said, I was referred to the wound clinic and they are only open on Fridays due to staff shortage.....yep, I was confused too.

The attending surgeon explained that I would need to do the changes at home. I explained, though they knew, that there is no visiting nurse for my area to assist me. He says yes that they know this and that I will need to change my own dressings all week and come see him on Friday.

So, as predicted, I'm greatful for a dear friend who has been driving me back and forth to appointments to help shadow me and blind hands while I wash and stuff this crater in my abdomen that on one side is 3 fingers wide and up to my 3rd knuckle deep .... can y'all picture that depth of gross. Without being able to 'see' she helps me tape the abs in place. Looking in the full length mirror that first time was the shock ignition.

I've surpassed a new level of strength and endurance. Finding balance currently has set my mind in a frame that is difficult to put into words. I'm hanging in there tho because I have reached a new found low.

My friend was in tears for me because she agrees with me that a patient should never, ever have to bandage themselves in this way. She can't handle the stuffing part because she gags at the sight of it, but taping is her specialty. I'm greatful she was willing.

While I lay around and heal I've been working on a pair of slippers, reading Successful Aging that I bought in April but had to set aside because of other duties, and finding great ideas and recipes in The After-50 Cookbook. I've started a scrapbook of sorts for healthy recipes for 1. High in potassium, sodium, and magnesium are most important alongside high, 15g or more protein starters.

I certainly do not want to live through something like this again.

The beet, arugula and almond salad with cottage cheese is my new love.

 

[Sandie33]

Though it is a balmy 24° today the sun is shining brightly. I'm hoping after this mornings clean up I can bundle up and go for a walk outdoors in the sun.

A brief phone conversation with sister and neice regarding the check they received. Trying to reinforce boundaries and not but a gut laughing at thr false concerns was difficult at best.

it boggles my mind and brings me to the resolution that some others are unaware of what they say and do and the inability to recognize the wrongness in expecting me not to notice. lol

The High-Chair Tyrant archetype. She's signed herself out if the home and as I told her today her fate is her own. I explained on deaf ear that tho we be sisters I'm under no obligation to her or her daughter for anything going forward nor am I accessible 24/7 for a dumping ground.....long winded way of says sort your own shit out. Leave me to my healing journey. I also told her to stop telling mistrust stories to extended family and friends because they believe them without checking in with me for my truths. Basically they all can go away and entertain themselves without me.

I've known alone my entire life, I'm still a stranger to lonely. it won't be a great loss to focus my energy in a more positive direction.

 

[Sandie33]

50° rainy gray day with a clamor of snow this evening when the temperature drops into the 30's

I've been background binge watching Unexplained Things and the Food Network respectively. Finding things to do from an arm chair.

Each day is one day closer tho.

We have a Friday night fish fry this week and when I asked if I could get delivery a Aux Sister said yes and invited herself to join me to eat. I'll welcome the company.

In a few more weeks I'll be able to drive myself around again. I think this latest emergency sit down is ripely unfair. With Dad's passing I finally had a taste of freedom of movement again and now I'm barely able to get from seat to seat. Time. The one constraint still standing in my way.

♡I got this too.

 

[Sandie33]

It's been a long week. I'm physically healing at a slow pace but my psyche is still in shock I think.

I've become a procrastinator. Even the smallest of tasks are exhausting. I cannot lift anything over 3 pounds yet so I have a little laundry basket on the seat of my rolater that I've been filling to transport the things I can't carry. I'm careful of the weight in the basket because whether I'm walking and carrying or pushing the weight limit is still there. Basically I'm limited so I don't herniate.

The plus side is we can no longer see the muscle and tendons. Gross.....this is grossly unfair on so many levels.

At least the family has stopped with their attack. I'm still confused as to why they act so greedy and uncivilized. Immature emotional reaction is my bid. Instead of slipping their feet in my shoes and understanding the grief and adjustments that may be affecting me it's coming across that I'm responsible for their pain and loss.

The irony in that is laughable.

I've always had difficulty understanding how humans "blame" others for their feelings. Feelings are natural responses to outside stressors....emotional reactions are our own internal response to who or what raised the feelings in us to begin with. It falls on ourselves to respond or react....with these individuals, their reactions I believe stem from not knowing what it is they're feeling.....wrong, it seems when the event, experience, or person doesn't align with their agenda and wanted outcome they react in anger.

Failed manipulation tactics seems to be the ignition of anger.

I'm happy I've long sense learned to appreciate knowing the differences between feelings and emotions and knowing how to label them while they occur. This allows me to respond to their outbursts in a calm and attentive manner.

I haven't let them see me sweat.

lol

 

[Sandie33]

Wish me luck.....I'm going to try driving today.

 

[MoonFlier]

 

[Sandie33]

I sure did do it! I even pumped my own gas, lol. That short freedom ride sure felt grand after these weeks of feeling stuck. ♡

 

[MoonFlier]

Little injections of life can be medicine all on their own. Glad you had fun!

 

[Sandie33]

let's be hopeful the dark gloom will pass with the cleansing energy of Winter....