The Love of Your Life? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

The Love of Your Life?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Scientia, Feb 19, 2017.

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  1. ashishkk

    ashishkk Community Member

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    Some years ago,I met someone.
    We sometimes encounter people,even perfect strangers who begin to interest us at first sight,somehow suddenly,at all once, before a word has been spoken. We split up.


     
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    #21 ashishkk, Feb 21, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2017
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  2. Rcs6r

    Rcs6r Must be the feeling~
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    There are a couple people whom I loved, but none of that "of my life" stuff.

    My viewpoint on love has changed to having many meaningful relationships over the course of life; you'd be lucky to find someone to settle down with forever.
     
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  3. ruji

    ruji Well-known weirdo

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    A "love of your life" will be about whether you've grown enough to not break down through the many
    errors that are bound to occur in a relationship. Whether you should do that is another story. Knowing
    who with might take a bit of exploration.
     
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  4. Rcs6r

    Rcs6r Must be the feeling~
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    Even if there isn't relationship-ending conflict, people change over time and interest can simply vanish. That doesn't mean you'll stop caring about the person (though that can happen too) but romantic feelings will dissolve.

    The trick is to find someone who has come into their own and has both the right physical and mental chemistry with you. Those people can be life partners; otherwise you are simply enjoying soneone in the moment.
     
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  5. flower

    flower ...

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    No, unfortunately. I'm not even sure do I believe in that there's someone out there who is ''the love of my life''.
     
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  6. OP
    Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    I meant it as the greatest love you could possibly know. Sometimes you can tell when you find that in another person.
     
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  7. Littlelissa

    Littlelissa Well-known member

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    I think it is like this. There is that 'real thing' out there, and when it comes along you just know it. Then all your previous relationships are now seen in that light, with this comparison of this one 'true' love. Many people have said this very thing about feeling this deep connection with someone, and having this 'knowing'. I haven't experienced it. Sure you still would have the same problems and difficulties in the relationship, (as in life) but I don't think it'd feel like the same kind of struggle in this context.

    I think it has to be different from infatuation, which people often confuse with love. It's probably more of a feeling of finding a deep sense of security in another and knowing that they totally have your back and you totally have theirs (but not co-dependent). I see this as a love of a higher order, so to speak, romantic yet but also deeply caring at heart.
     
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    #27 Littlelissa, Feb 22, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2017
  8. highlighter

    highlighter Regular Poster

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    been in love twice.
    this last one was the so powerful. I never felt more understood, in my life it was an insane connection that I know will never occur again. In many ways I am glad that i know it will never occur again because for someone to get that deep into the real core of who I am is just too dangerous...I trusted her like no other. I dont fucking trust anyone. but I trusted her. Loved her....more than she could understand more than I could understand. She lied too me. I dont care what the intention was, she lied nothing changes her actions.

    I dont know that I believe in love in more in my classic INFJ ...sense the soulmate idea. maybe like everyone else i believe in something that "works" which is basically me giving up. not that I ever really can give up. Its effected me so much that I dont even know if I believe in god anymore. it was most def a situation where I experienced emotional abuse. the classic devalue and discard than make nice again ...loop its a sick thing. I am still healing from this...
    I dont know if I believe in love. well I believe that i know what love is....but I seriously question what others think it is.
     
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  9. OP
    Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    I am so sorry to hear this. I know that loop. You deserve better.
     
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  10. Isabel

    Isabel Newbie

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    Yes! It's actually a LDR, but it's serious, passionate, and we know we'll meet one day :blush: There's a site called 16personalites, that I've been on for a year and so has he, after seeing him around there for a few months, I started developing feelings for him, and after we talked for a month or so, I knew he was the one. It's been about 6 months since the start of our relationship, hehe, that might not seem too much, but we know each other very well. If you were wondering he's ISTP <3
     
  11. Gus

    Gus No strings attached

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    Yeah, my current partner. We met online but we lived in the same town so it was just a quick back & fourth before meeting up in person. I knew we were right for each other by the 3rd time hanging out together. We're still together, seven years strong!
     
  12. Littlelissa

    Littlelissa Well-known member

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    I don't know your situation but I think I experienced something like this. It's taken me over a decade to get over it. I hope it's not like that for you...But I am over it, and I think I will love again, and never again experience that kind of pain. It can get better, and what you learn can help you create something great. The silver lining to the shittyness. Yep, you learn a whole lot from these experiences.
     
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  13. Ryso89

    Banned

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    I'm very secure about myself; but insecure with my place in relationships, regarding the other person's interest and, specifically, ability to understand me. I've had little flings with no substantial intellectual / emotional connection, one unhealthy relationship that I ended several years ago, and have dated some really nice, very "agreeable" girls but the connection wasn't right because they were either too immature or simply lacked compatible emotional maturity and depth.

    I often wonder and have seen myself with an older gal, though not by much. Who knows. One thing I've taken a note of is my inherent tendency to idealize women and the relationship or "situation" itself, and my tendency to "lose myself" in the other person, something I am now very conscious of. With all of my experiences in hand, I am equipped to handle dating better than before I think, and I'm optimistic about new experiences. I will always take care of myself first anyway.
     
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  14. 14Sandals

    14Sandals Regular Poster

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    I've been in love many times. Every time, I thought he or she was the "love of my life" or my "soul mate". I know, that sounds stupid, but it would be hard for me to commit to someone if I didn't feel that person was very special. Someone I could trust and would be there for me.
    I also tend to idealize and "lose myself" in a person that I've fallen in love with. The problem is, I do want to lose myself in someone, and it practically scares everyone away.
    The last person I fell in love with was this beautiful INFP girl who wasn't interested in a relationship. Truly, I'd overwhelmed her with my feelings and she won't talk to me anymore.
     
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  15. MrSquared

    MrSquared Well-known member

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    Words are one thing...

    Being willing to die for someone else because you truly want whats best for them is another...

    But there's also this... A desire to try (and I mean continually try) and live in harmony with someone else, so that you never have to be parted from them.

    As for me... Two out of three isn't bad. :)
     
    #35 MrSquared, Mar 9, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2017
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  16. Pin

    Pin Commander-in Chief / Ren's Counterpart

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    Unfortunately not. It'll happen when it does.
     
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    #36 Pin, Jan 22, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2019
  17. Jonah Caan

    Jonah Caan Regular Poster

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    I met a man online and mutually felt an instant connection. After chatting online for several weeks, we met and fell in love instantly. I've been in love before but the only way I could describe this one was soul-love haha.

    We're not together anymore (together for 2 years) because we both wanted him to move on, but the experience (although the breakup afterwards nearly killed me) was the most beautiful of my life. If I never have that again it's alright.
     
  18. Pin

    Pin Commander-in Chief / Ren's Counterpart

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    You know, I love myself. I really do. I like looking at me, smiling at me, and nobody else can have me but me.

    God damn, I'm a bad mama-jama.
     
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  19. Jonah Caan

    Jonah Caan Regular Poster

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    Hey man,

    I read your post and understand the insane connection you're talking about.

    I like to think of myself as a rational person and I never believed in 'the one' until I met him. I can't describe how it felt; I started writing poetry and playing the piano to try and express to him (and myself) how I felt for him but I just felt like I could not describe it within this physical world. The unbelievable thing for me is that this feeling was completely reciprocated and we both believed we were soulmates, as crazy as that sounds whilst writing it.

    I'm sorry for what you're going through; I myself started questioning even my deepest core values. For the first time in my life I let someone in so deep and at the end, they left me for their self-preservation. The heartbreak literally nearly killed me.

    6 months on, I still have some dark days but mostly my heart has healed and I'm in a place I never thought I'd be again. I'm dating again but you're right, I feel like I can never trust someone or let someone in like that again. And I don't want to; I got a chance to experience that love I always yearned for in life and I'm proud for having the balls to let someone in whilst knowing how much they could hurt me. I feel like it was worth all the pain (although during the heartbreak I wished I had never met him haha).

    Don't worry about questioning your beliefs, everything is 'up in the air' at the moment. Once your heart begins to heal, you'll feel God's love within it again.

    I wish you continued strength.
     
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