The Ice Queen (or king) lil rant | INFJ Forum

The Ice Queen (or king) lil rant


Community Member
Feb 9, 2009
It kinda upset me to find out that I can be misinterpreted as being cold or distant. (yes I can be distant sometimes but I'm not cold for the most part) I also read somewhere that we carry a look of pain, or apathy as our dominate expression despite our deep feelings. At first I didn't think that I did but then I mentioned it to a friend and she told me that I look angry when I'm going down the halls or sitting in class but when I'm talking to people I don't. And that I come off as intimidating. This took me by surprise I had no idea this was how others saw me. I mean sometimes I can be sarcastic (in a humorous non-potentially hurtful way) but for the most part I think I'm probably the least intimidating person out there. Maybe this is because I know I'm secretly emotionally vulnerable to criticism, being disliked, etc ,but I don't know. Deep down I actually would love to be friends with everyone (to some extent) and I'm wiling to give others the chance. I still can believe I come off that way to people. Me Intimidating. HA! It's frustrating urggg!!!
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Yep, sounds about right. I feel very approachable but it would seem others do not perceive me as such. It's a bummer really.
I think the same thing happens to me to some extent. Several people have told me I am intimidating even though I don't mean to be.

I know an INFJ girl who, when I first saw her, looked absolutely pissed off. I though I would never want to be around her. She looked very intimidating.

Turns out that she is INFJ and very nice, very innocent and not-angry person.

So I don't think you are alone in being misread.
I've literally had strangers walking by me in a mall tell me to cheer up or smile. It is always embarassing and always catches me off guard because I never understand what they're talking about. I've also had people ask me if I'm "ok." I don't know what it is but apparently I don't have a "normal" expression when I'm walking along by myself, whatever that expression is supposed to be. It's not like I'm walking around in a constant state of anger. I don't get it!
i do the same aswell. and i too have had people telling me to smile which makes me really uspet and angry.
but its also a good tool to have if someone you don't like latches on to you.
the people i get on with most sre those who see through my scary exterior and treat me like every other smily person.
Yep, sounds about right. I feel very approachable but it would seem others do not perceive me as such. It's a bummer really.

^^ what he said. :) I always try to project a feeling of being friendly and warm, but apparently not. Apparently I too, am cold and distant, especially if I'm in my zone, which if I'm by myself, even if I'm in a sea of people I tend to go into. I take any time by myself as me time because I'm not alone that often. So if I'm grocery shopping or whatever and I'm alone, I go off in my head and don't really pay that much attention to others. Unless I'm doing backstories on them in my mind and that's another story. Even then I only focus on them to a certain extent, and then I'm off in my head again, so perhaps I'm using my "focused" face and that's just a perceived angry/cold face. I try to snap myself out of it sometimes, because I'm becoming more aware of it. Then I try to smile at people I encounter walking by etc. Sometimes, this gets a returned smile, sometimes a puzzled look, but it's my way of trying to not be so "cold". But this of course requires me to snap out of my zone, and sometimes I'm just in it.
Yeah I can relate. I've been told I look angry a lot of the time, and I'm really shy around people so I probably seem a bit cold. I think the fact that I rarely speak also intimidates people. I think they get intimidated when they can't figure out what I'm thinking. Hell, one person I knew said he was scared of me because of it, and he thought that I would eventually snap and kill someone.
I hate it when guys me to smile. I don't want to smile, asshat. Most of the time I'm really oblivious to what's going on around me until some person interrupts my train of thought.
I love smiling, and I do it a lot, but there's always somebody there to point out when I'm not. ;)

I often take offense when people ask if I'm okay. Not always. Sometimes it's sweet, but I think I can too easily read the intentions of the people who ask - whether they are genuinely concerned, in which case I smile at them and say, yes I'm fine, just in my own world - or if they're the kind of asshole who uses an innocent question to try to bring me down. It's a common bullying trick, after all, to insinuate there's something wrong with a person - to put them down in an underhanded manner simply by saying they don't look right, in the form of a question. In which case, the best thing is to point it back at them: "It's funny you say that, because I was just about to ask you the same thing. What's getting you down?" Hah. It's delightful to watch their reaction.
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I totally relate to this...often when ive just drifted away people ask me whats wrong or tell me to smile..sometimes this brings me back to the now with a bang and i get uncomfortable realizing ive been giving off a negative vibe without meaning to,often i find it hard to appear more outwardly cheery like im being fake even though there was nothing wrong in the first place!

lately an ENFP friend of mine let me know that an INTJ(ya i know)is only now realizing how hes only getting to know im a nice person after 3 years.He thought i was very quiet and cold until now and he realizes im actually easy to talk to...strange as i do try and be nice to everyone!Yet apparently i can be really stand offish to people,which i also find horrible...
I've had people tell me I come across as the same way. I remember in high school after people made the effort to get to know me telling me they thought I was stuck up because I was so quiet.

It is quite amusing to me that others assume I am cold and uncaring when it couldn't be further from the truth. It just takes looking beyond their presumptions of me to get to know me and find out that I am not intimidating at all and am a very caring person.
Same here. I've had a couple people say they were intimidated by me/scared of me but then when they started to get to know me I turned out to be a really sweet person. I really wish I knew why that keeps happening.
I enjoy intimidating others. Although, I am more apt to be called Spock than seeming 'angry' 'cold' or 'distant'.
I enjoy intimidating others. Although, I am more apt to be called Spock than seeming 'angry' 'cold' or 'distant'.

Damn it, i *knew* I should have made you Spock instead of Worf. I was tempted to say you were the love child of Worf and Data, but eh. Sorry this is all wildly off topic. I'm just muttering to myself over here....
I try to give others a chance, but it can be draining at times. I don't place too much importance on how I come off to others; with time they may understand. I dislike having to put on a happy face because of some unwritten rule about how one should look.
So then I wonder if you guys are like me in this way...

At social gatherings where I am not familiar with most of the people, I am very reserved and I am entirely aware of the fact that I'm probably coming off as cold or stuck up. Then I'll stand there and think about how they don't know me, and if only they saw how warm and fun I actually am, how cool would that be? I am very guarded and giving people a chance in certain settings is very hard for me. To me, a party planned by another person who has chosen the guest list is uncomfortable because I'm basically in a situation where I'm forced to assess and evaluate all of the unfamiliar people around me. I tend to be the observer, and I know if someone does or says something that is off-putting (to me), then my disapproval shows on my face. I just can't help it. I won't glare or intentionally make a nasty face, but I just know my expression is screaming "wtf?" However, if I know and like all of the people there, I can easily fit in and even be the life of the party.
I'm either cold and distant and aloof to people who don't know me well, or belligerent and bawdy.

Either way, it takes quite a lot and quite awhile for the soft motherly fool that I am to make an appearance.

I've been told I'm intimidating by a few people just recently because I often don't reply to most comments or jokes. And if I do reply, it is usually in sarcasm. And they say they can't tell whether I'm f'n with them or not (usually I am, but it amuses me more to keep them in the dark about it.)
i look more timid than intimidating but i am usually perceived as cold/distant/unfriendly when i'm just neutral. if extraverts are nice by approaching others and being friendly, introverts are nice by being polite when approached. be too nice and you can lead people on. it just doesn't feel authentic to smile all the time.
yeah i enjoy intimidating others too..(but not always..usually NOT ALWAYS)

i love to smile and i always smile... in fact.... :m161:

my dad :m106: usually gets mad at me for always smiling .. i don't know why .......??????

ehehe but sometimes.. when i have mood swings.. i can be a really intense person.. one time.. i was waking..and i was mad....and the people who were near me backed off...and were kind of shocked.....

WOW!!! well i don't want people to do that but i don't really care what they think when i go through depression :m169: