The "caretaker" gene

[Gaze]

Do you have the "caretaker" or nurturer gene? Are you always concerned about others, caring for their well being, stepping in to guide someone?

Do you feel it's an intrinsic part of you, and not just something expected?

How do you feel about being a "caretaker"? Do you feel comfortable in this role? Why or why not?

For those who're not, how do you feel about caretakers?

 

[DoveAlexa]

Do you have the "caretaker" or nurturer gene? Are you always concerned about others, caring for their well being, stepping in to guide someone?

Yup, even when I try not to be. Can make me a bit of a sucker.

Do you feel it's an intrinsic part of you, and not just something expected?

Yup, intrinsic. Fighting it just makes me angry and sullen.

How do you feel about being a "caretaker"? Do you feel comfortable in this role? Why or why not?

I am more comfortable in this role than any other. Born to be a Housewife I guess. Good thing for Chaz .

For those who're not, how do you feel about caretakers?

//awaits insult to caretaking behaviour as being some sort of lack of "owning one's self" or it is somehow letting others walk all over you and having no spine.

 

[Gaze]

//awaits insult to caretaking behaviour as being some sort of lack of "owning one's self" or it is somehow letting others walk all over you and having no spine.

Yeah, very common stereotype. Whenever you care for someone's well being more than they do for themselves, people see this as an example of not being capable of asserting yourself or allowing others to take advantage of you.

 

[sassafras]

Do you have the "caretaker" or nurturer gene? Are you always concerned about others, caring for their well being, stepping in to guide someone?

This is why I don't think I'm an extroverted feeler. Part of me is caring. I am interested in people's well-being, and I offer my support when asked or I feel like a little boost is needed, but if I had to compare myself to other, more nurturing folks, I do it in a more detached way. My own independence was stifled as a kid, and I think that's kind of what makes me uneasy about being too "nurturing."

Do you feel it's an intrinsic part of you, and not just something expected?

A little bit of column a, and a little bit of column b. Mostly column a.

How do you feel about being a "caretaker"? Do you feel comfortable in this role? Why or why not?

I don't really think about it. If I'm helpful, I'm helpful. If I'm not, I'm not. I fundamentally think that most people are able to take care of themselves and handing everything to them on a platter stifles opportunities for them to build their confidence. I'm careful about that balance of support and smothering.

For those who're not, how do you feel about caretakers?

I realize that a lot of these people are compassionate and have the best intentions. However, I have a hard time asking for help (and accepting the fact that I need it!) so I'm really sensitive about potential threats to my independence, whether real or imagined. So while I admire caretakers and nurturers when they're offering their balanced support to others, I get uneasy when they turn their attention to me when I haven't asked for it.

 

[DoveAlexa]

Yeah, very common stereotype. Whenever you care for someone's well being more than they do for themselves, people see this as an example of not being capable of asserting yourself or allowing others to take advantage of you.

Even if its what you want, your choice, the receiving party has no power to force you to do squat and you can cave someone's face in if they tell you otherwise.
I gain far more pleasure making someone else happy than I do sitting in a box just tending to myself. I like to keep busy or at least always have enough to do in a day, and caring for someone gives me both those things. I am just me, taking care of me is something I do everyday anyways, but caring for someone else and making them happy is an amazing feeling, especially if they would be living badly without you.
I know of many schools of philosophy that say the path to true happiness is in living for the sake of others, not just yourself, but not exclusive of yourself either. Humans are a social species and in caring, both sides --not just the receiver -- are gaining the benefits.
The real thing people should think about is if you are incapable of caring for others, thats a real failing. Not emotionally, but actually being able to be helpful.

Also on a scientific note: The protein coating on our chromosomes depletes with each division, and when its deteriorated enough no more divisions can happen and the cell can't divide any longer, thus giving it a sort of expiry date. However, a protein called telomerase is released when being cared for by others that restores this coating, thus increasing a cells lifespan and potentially a personal overall lifespan. Conversely, stress deteriorates this coating, suggesting that the difference of having someone caring for you or not can be seen physically and impacts lifespan and health.

 

[Odyne]

Do you have the "caretaker" or nurturer gene? Are you always concerned about others, caring for their well being, stepping in to guide someone?

When you put it that way, no. I care for my family's well being and the people I am emotionally invested in. I make decisions and take actions in a moral way that would not harm the people around me on a global level, but I don't go out of my way to ensure the well being of the person next to me. I do consider myself to be socially responsible though.

Do you feel it's an intrinsic part of you, and not just something expected?

When I care, I think it to be in my nature. I don't care because people expect me to. I act because I feel that it's the right action to take, and the same goes for caring about others.

How do you feel about being a "caretaker"? Do you feel comfortable in this role? Why or why not?

When I am in that state, I do feel a lil hesitant and unsure because I don't know what is the right way to care for the person. Do they need me to talk, do they need me to listen, do they need my presence, my absence, etc. I realize I am not good at it.

So no, I don't feel comfortable, but I still try to do it and show my concern.

For those who're not, how do you feel about caretakers?

I admire them. It takes a big and strong heart to care for those who are close to you, and even those who aren't. They have the insight and ability to say or do the right thing to make people happy, and that's a gift, imo. =)

 

[bagelriffic]

yeah i think i have this and id be willing to bet its a tough dynamic for just about anyone in todays world. and i've never consciously told myself i need to be more caring, it just seems to be if someones hurting or putting themselves out on a limb, i wanna support them and make em feel better.

How do you feel about being a "caretaker"? Do you feel comfortable in this role? Why or why not?

yeah im proud of it, i mean i don't see alot of others going out of their way to make someone else feel better even if i think they need it. with that said its lead me down some painful paths relationship wise with some ppl who really weren't in the right state of mind to be with Anyone let alone someone they could take advantage of b4 i wizened up. you might be surprised just how many women are out there that would love to use guys like me as a floor mat relationship wise and its made me pretty cautious and on alert for patterns that suggest im headed towards another one.

but i just feel like its hard to find a relationship that isn't so damn one sided nowadays, i need support just like others, but i feel like most people see me as a free pass to be insensitive and uncaring. im not here to make up for what you can't do, i want balance just like everyone else.

 

[meander]

I don't know - I care to that extent, that I easily can see the peoples problems and needs, I rather contemplate and try helping in a direct way, if I am able to, like providing a link or recommend something (like a certain book, or special food or vintamins or whatever) - but I have learned that most peolpe don't want a solution, they want to be recognized.
Here is where I lack acceptance, unfortuanetly people are left alone, when they try to get me saying "I see, I know how you feel, yes the world is a cruel place". I just can't utter these terms of pity. Hence I feel very uncomfortable in that role.

 

[Gaze]

I'm always in awe of those who can give so selflessly to others, caring about their needs, and not thinking about themselves in the process. It always amazed me because i realized that it doesn't come naturally for me. And although there are pros and cons to every quality or characteristic, it still quite a sight to see others giving and caring without asking anything in return - they give because it makes them feel good, because it does something for them - makes them feel fulfilled, etc. That's nice. I have a lot of respect for them.

 

[shadowdrums]

Do you have the "caretaker" or nurturer gene? Are you always concerned about others, caring for their well being, stepping in to guide someone?
Oddly enough yes, but only to an extent. I care about my friends, certain family members, and children. For some reason I've always been great at taking care of small children. They've always seemed to like me too.

Do you feel it's an intrinsic part of you, and not just something expected?
Yeah I think so. I'm not sure how much is nature and how much is nurture. I was in the role pretty much all my life for younger siblings and younger kids in the neighborhood. I was always pretty natural at it though.
How do you feel about being a "caretaker"? Do you feel comfortable in this role? Why or why not?
It's a role I've been in all my life and really got used to. I'm more comfortable in it with people I know, and with kids I like. Otherwise I'm better off as just a "helper" who will play with the kids to keep them from bugging the adults too much.
For those who're not, how do you feel about caretakers?
As a kid I didn't really trust them. I've always been very cautious of them. (partially because of my abusive cousin/father) I wasn't ever sure what to expect. Now that I know which is a caretaker though, I think they are amazing people. Genuinely caring about everyone is something I wish I could imitate. My closest friends tend to be either able to take care of themselves, or caretakers.

 

[Nixie]

I love Odyne's answer:

When you put it that way, no. I care for my family's well being and the people I am emotionally invested in. I make decisions and take actions in a moral way that would not harm the people around me on a global level, but I don't go out of my way to ensure the well being of the person next to me. I do consider myself to be socially responsible though.

I don't see myself as a caretaker at all. I am super responsible and deeply committed to those that I love but I don't think I "care" for them. You can do things for others but I draw the line at thinking I am somehow responsible in some way for them or their own sense of well being. I don't give myself that much power or really need it. Keeping my own crap together is difficult enough without thinking I have control over someone else's. My sister had brain surgery and I assist her with daily living because she has lost skills but I let her do the most that she is able and don't see the effort I expand as being a caretaker. I know it probably fits most people's definition but my tribal roots don't allow for such a title to be accepted by me. We are all one, the things we do impact others and therefore everything I do has a bit of caretaking in it when you choose to understand how we are all related.

 

[Melito]

It is hard for me to determine if i have the gene or not because it depends on who the person is. I care very much for my family they are really important people in my life. I care about my friends, but not those how cling to me and start yapping all day long about how miserable their life is expecting me to comfort them without taking in consideration my own emotional stat.

I like to take care of people around me because I know if they feel fine I will too. I believe in the inner energy that each of us has and if it is a dark one, because someone is sad or needing help, it will affect the surroundings. Even though, I hate it when people take me for grated. I feel used and it is not something I like.

I guess I take care of though who I thing are worthy of my time and energy, but the substantial question (this is for myself) how am I going to decide who is worthy? Maybe by instinct but I'm not really confident about that.

All my respect to though who are caretaker and their doing it with a good heart.