That "inwardly fretting" feeling

[Soulful]

You know that feeling of "inwardly fretting" (mentioned briefly here: http://forum.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=1774 in ZenCat's post, #9). Myself, I experience it as a feeling of dread with a splash of anxiety (be it nervousness, frustration, worry, etc.) - and it just keeps churning and churning deep within me, to the point where I can physically feel something vague.. I find oftentimes it surfaces as a source of discordance and disharmony. The nature of the fret is its persistence.. It's like a drill bit repeatedly driving into me. I never really gave it much thought beyond thinking that it related to certain situations in my life - but then in reading Zen's post, I began to wonder..

Do you think it's something INFJs experience often? Perhaps more so than other types?

If you have them, how do you do to deal with your fretting feelings (especially if it is due to conflict that you feel you can't/don't know how to resolve)?

 

[Satya]

It's called stress. Everyone experiences it. INFJs can be especially prone to its effects because they may not be able to ascertain exactly from where it is coming.

It comes in two varieties. Distress, which is the negative fretting feeling you are describing and Eustress for the positive feeling of fulfillment that comes from acomplishment.

 

[IndigoSensor]

INFJs can be especially prone to its effects because they may not be able to ascertain exactly from where it is coming.
.

And it annoys me to NO END!!! GAH!

 

[Soulful]

It's called stress. Everyone experiences it. INFJs can be especially prone to its effects because they may not be able to ascertain exactly from where it is coming.

It comes in two varieties. Distress, which is the negative fretting feeling you are describing and Eustress for the positive feeling of fulfillment that comes from acomplishment.

Of course I know everyone experiences stress - but does everyone feel that feeling that it just keeps driving and driving into you? Do you know what I mean? On some level, even if you're not thinking about whatever is causing it and are trying to accept a situation/outcome and let it go, it rears again. It feels like a sort of anxiety, and I don't consider myself an anxious person. I know it's a sign of things that haven't been resolved. It just seems nearly obsessive - in that it's hard as hell to appease and get past, and seems to have a recurring strength that allows it to arise unexpectedly. It's like trying to deal with a recurring bugs.

 

[Satya]

And it annoys me to NO END!!! GAH!

Yes, if anyone has a suggestion for how to deal with it then I would be very happy to hear it. Every book I read on dealing with stress says that identifying the source is the first step to overcoming it. That isn't exactly an option for us Ni types. And it can linger just under the surface for days or even weeks, slowly eating away at me.

 

[IndigoSensor]

Yes, if anyone has a suggestion for how to deal with it then I would be very happy to hear it. Every book I read on dealing with stress says that identifying the source is the first step to overcoming it. That isn't exactly an option for us Ni types. And it can linger just under the surface for days or even weeks, slowly eating away at me.

Yup, I will end up thinking about it for weeks, even months, and no matter what I do, or how I try to distract myself, it keeps going. There have been occasions where it has taken nearly 4 or 5 months to pinpoint the source (with the help of others), and even then I wasn't truly sure what it was.

 

[Satya]

Of course I know everyone experiences stress - but does everyone feel that feeling that it just keeps driving and driving into you? Do you know what I mean? On some level, even if you're not thinking about whatever is causing it and are trying to accept a situation/outcome and let it go, it's a sort of anxiety but different from worry. I don't consider myself an anxious person. And I know it's a sign of things that haven't been resolved. It just seems nearly obsessive - in that it's hard as hell to appease and get past, and seems to have a recurring strength that allows it to arise unexpectedly. It's like trying to deal with a recurring bugs.

Sounds like typical INFJ stress to me.

Just consider the dominant processes here...

Ni - introverted iNtuiting
Foreseeing implications and likely effects without external data; realizing “what will be”; conceptualizing new ways of seeing things; envisioning transformations; getting an image of profound meaning or far-reaching symbols.

Fe - extraverted Feeling
Connecting; considering others and the group–organizing to meet their needs and honor their values and feelings; maintaining societal, organizational, or group values; adjusting and accommodating others; deciding if something is appropriate or acceptable to others.

You have a perceiving process that is constantly concerned about how things will turn out and a judging function which puts that concern in the context of people in your life.

Translation: you are always going to be prone to stress when it comes to how your actions affect your relationships. You are going to obsess about saying or doing the wrong thing because of the potential negative consequences of how it could affect the people you socialize with or their perceptions of you.

 

[ZenCat]

I've been trying to figure out how to stop the fretting, dwelling, obsessing (those are the three tiers I've assigned to mine) for most of my life. I now spend more time fretting than I do dwelling, and it's only rarely now that I find myself obsessing.

It takes a HUGE effort to break the loop, and I'm not always successful.

It strikes me hardest at night when I'm trying to go to sleep. I get stuck in an exhausting loop and end up furious with myself. It doesn't seem as bad during the day, which I can get caught up in projects/tasks to distract me.

This is my Facebook Profile message:

Sometimes it's better not to think too much. Sometimes I spend too much time trying not to think so much. It's a terrible loop.

 

[Satya]

Yup, I will end up thinking about it for weeks, even months, and no matter what I do, or how I try to distract myself, it keeps going. There have been occasions where it has taken nearly 4 or 5 months to pinpoint the source (with the help of others), and even then I wasn't truly sure what it was.

I think Ti helps. That ability to detach and analyze the situation as opposed to pretending it isn't there. Whenever I am obsessively fretting about something I usually find myself on INTP Central.

 

[Zanshin]

I've been trying to figure out how to stop the fretting, dwelling, obsessing (those are the three tiers I've assigned to mine) for most of my life. I now spend more time fretting than I do dwelling, and it's only rarely now that I find myself obsessing.

It takes a HUGE effort to break the loop, and I'm not always successful.

It strikes me hardest at night when I'm trying to go to sleep. I get stuck in an exhausting loop and end up furious with myself. It doesn't seem as bad during the day, which I can get caught up in projects/tasks to distract me.

Ya I'm exactly like this too. It seems like distraction is the best way to break the loop, but if the thing your dwelling or fretting over needs to be taken care of, then it's best to do so. It's really all in how you perceive an event and if you can change that to your benefit, it will help you quite a bit. Of course that's the tricky par though.

 

[IndigoSensor]

I think Ti helps. That ability to detach and analyze the situation as opposed to pretending it isn't there. Whenever I am obsessively fretting about something I usually find myself on INTP Central.

Oh I use Ti alot in this respect, concidering it is my 3rd highest function. It can help alot with smaller things. But major thing it can in effect make myself worse. Largely because major issues usually revolve around me not being good enough.

 

[Bethany]

"Inward fretting" is my dark passenger. I try to ignore it,
but to no avail it drives into me harder and harder. When I
feel anxious it comes at me, it is all I can think about. I then
get very stressed out and terribly worried. I replay what's upsetting
me over and over again.

but does everyone feel that feeling that it just keeps driving and driving into you? Do you know what I mean? On some level, even if you're not thinking about whatever is causing it and are trying to accept a situation/outcome and let it go, it rears again. It feels like a sort of anxiety, and I don't consider myself an anxious person. I know it's a sign of things that haven't been resolved. It just seems nearly obsessive - in that it's hard as hell to appease and get past, and seems to have a recurring strength that allows it to arise unexpectedly. It's like trying to deal with a recurring bugs.

I know exactly how you feel. It attacks me from all angles,
my mind, my sleep, my health. It won't go away until I fix the
problem. Which sometimes is very difficult and the thought of facing
the issue which is causing the distress makes it even worse. It's a cycle that I don't know how to get out of. I then find myself retreating inwards. I lock myself away , if I'm out with my friends I appear to be distant and I find it very difficult to concentrate on anything else.