Superficial Friend (Pouring My Soul Out) | INFJ Forum

Superficial Friend (Pouring My Soul Out)

Faye

Faye

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Mar 9, 2009
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I have learned some information about the guy who is basically my best friend from high school, and it deeply upsets me. Basically, he uses and abuses girls. He acts nice, but he then cheats on them. He has most people fooled.

He had me fooled, for years. I defended him at first. WHY THE SJDFSKD!!! Why doe he act that way? I have known him forever, but I'm realizing that people are just objects to him. He is nice to me, and I eat it up. I am an object to him.

Did people dislike me because I stood by him while almost everyone else in the class saw through him? Was I the oblivious moron? High school was a terrible enough experience on its own, but now I am seeing that everything was a lie too. I feel like it was my fault that I was so lonely and that I am so lonely. Did he really mean it when he made my promise not to kill myself? I am not female and cannot read emotions or facial expressions exceptionally well. I don't know the truth. I do not know who lies and who is honest, so I should just assume that everyone is a liar. Someone has manipulated me, whether it was him, the girls he dated, the clique that I could never join. They all could have been manipulating each other, and I just got caught in the crossfire.

I am angry, and I hate people. I hate life, and I hate myself. I am so tired of being alone, and I just keep failing. Nobody cares anyway.

We are supposed to be a type that takes pleasure in helping people, but I have trouble bringing myself to see why I should help anyone. Why should I care? Why should I help anyone?

This makes me wonder if everything in my life now is a lie. I am so lonely. I see perfect people easily navigating their way through life, and I feel like I can never have a normal life. I feel like it is my fault.
 
Dragon said:
I have learned some information about the guy who is basically my best friend from high school, and it deeply upsets me. Basically, he uses and abuses girls. He acts nice, but he then cheats on them. He has most people fooled.

He had me fooled, for years. I defended him at first. WHY THE SJDFSKD!!! Why doe he act that way? I have known him forever, but I'm realizing that people are just objects to him. He is nice to me, and I eat it up. I am an object to him.

Did people dislike me because I stood by him while almost everyone else in the class saw through him? Was I the oblivious moron? High school was a terrible enough experience on its own, but now I am seeing that everything was a lie too. I feel like it was my fault that I was so lonely and that I am so lonely. Did he really mean it when he made my promise not to kill myself? I am not female and cannot read emotions or facial expressions exceptionally well. I don't know the truth. I do not know who lies and who is honest, so I should just assume that everyone is a liar. Someone has manipulated me, whether it was him, the girls he dated, the clique that I could never join. They all could have been manipulating each other, and I just got caught in the crossfire.

I am angry, and I hate people. I hate life, and I hate myself. I am so tired of being alone, and I just keep failing. Nobody cares anyway.

We are supposed to be a type that takes pleasure in helping people, but I have trouble bringing myself to see why I should help anyone. Why should I care? Why should I help anyone?

This makes me wonder if everything in my life now is a lie. I am so lonely. I see perfect people easily navigating their way through life, and I feel like I can never have a normal life. I feel like it is my fault.
Click to expand...

I think if you give it time the pendelum will swing back to the other side - from misery to happiness. I hope the best for you.
 
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Try not to beat yourself up too much. Things like this happen, you will get duped and betrayed. I know that feeling of 'what's the use' and wanting to give up. Believe it or not you will learn and grow from this but it'll take some time. I don't know what else to say right now. Just wanted to say I care and I know it's not easy. Don't give up.
 
Dragon

catch a hold of yourself - sounds like you have been pushed into shadow-functioning.

Don't regret that you were loyal and kind - its his fault if he is a liar, not yours.
 
If everyone saw through him and the girls still lapped him up, then it's not on you but them. They knew what they were getting in for, and they jumped on board. If they didn't know, but everyone else knew, and all those people were aggro at your mate, then it's them who are the hypocritical bastards because they should have warned the girls and they didn't. They're worse than he is.

He was only having fun, they were being hypocritical bastards.
Or the girls knew they were being used as cum dumpsters and liked it.

Either way, everyone was having fun. You're not to blame.
 
Dragon said:
This makes me wonder if everything in my life now is a lie. I am so lonely. I see perfect people easily navigating their way through life, and I feel like I can never have a normal life. I feel like it is my fault.
Click to expand...

No one easily navigates life; no one has a "normal" life. Everyone wears masks. Masks are meant to deceive, meant to keep people out. Unfortunately, masks often work. And some people are amazing actors.
 
Everyone is so superficial. I feel like INFJs are being bred out through negative reciprocity.
 
I knew someone like that. The only person in real life that I have ever called a narcissist. I ended up pitying him more than hating him by the end of it though. There is just something inherently pathetic about people who see other people as objects.
 
Narcissism? That is interesting... Is it narcissistic? I don't know...

How could a person like this be narcissistic?
 
Dragon said:
Narcissism? That is interesting... Is it narcissistic? I don't know...

How could a person like this be narcissistic?
Click to expand...

Actually it is much more antisocial than narcissistic. I just didn't know the difference back then. Antisocial people tend to have that special charm about them that lets them use people, but they are cloaked in deceitfulness.
 
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Dragon said:
I am angry, and I hate people. I hate life, and I hate myself. I am so tired of being alone, and I just keep failing. Nobody cares anyway.

We are supposed to be a type that takes pleasure in helping people, but I have trouble bringing myself to see why I should help anyone. Why should I care? Why should I help anyone?

This makes me wonder if everything in my life now is a lie. I am so lonely. I see perfect people easily navigating their way through life, and I feel like I can never have a normal life. I feel like it is my fault.
Click to expand...

I believe strongly there doesn't have to be someone at fault or someone to blame. Contemplated that a lot over the years. I had to learn to accept myself before I could accept others.....mostly. Been hurt a few times. Lived through it all so far. Hurt so badly before I fould rest in my loneliness for awhile, but we need others to survive. We must survive, as there is a responsibility to do so. I think you will have different questions for life when you heal from the pain.
Nobody cares? I feel you will find a support group here that will lay that one under your feet and behind you. Would you read the Optimist Creed for me today?
http://www.his.com/~z/optimist.html
 
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Dragon said:
I have learned some information about the guy who is basically my best friend from high school, and it deeply upsets me. Basically, he uses and abuses girls. He acts nice, but he then cheats on them. He has most people fooled.

He had me fooled, for years. I defended him at first. WHY THE SJDFSKD!!! Why doe he act that way? I have known him forever, but I'm realizing that people are just objects to him. He is nice to me, and I eat it up. I am an object to him.

Did people dislike me because I stood by him while almost everyone else in the class saw through him? Was I the oblivious moron? High school was a terrible enough experience on its own, but now I am seeing that everything was a lie too. I feel like it was my fault that I was so lonely and that I am so lonely. Did he really mean it when he made my promise not to kill myself? I am not female and cannot read emotions or facial expressions exceptionally well. I don't know the truth. I do not know who lies and who is honest, so I should just assume that everyone is a liar. Someone has manipulated me, whether it was him, the girls he dated, the clique that I could never join. They all could have been manipulating each other, and I just got caught in the crossfire.

I am angry, and I hate people. I hate life, and I hate myself. I am so tired of being alone, and I just keep failing. Nobody cares anyway.

We are supposed to be a type that takes pleasure in helping people, but I have trouble bringing myself to see why I should help anyone. Why should I care? Why should I help anyone?

This makes me wonder if everything in my life now is a lie. I am so lonely. I see perfect people easily navigating their way through life, and I feel like I can never have a normal life. I feel like it is my fault.
Click to expand...

Hang in there, everyone feels alone sometimes :) Especially INFJs I think. Other people's lives might seem "perfect" and better than yours but everyone has problems and struggles that they usually don't make obvious to others (unfortunately people tend to act like everything is perfect otherwise they feel vulnerable). I'm sure if people were more honest, you'd find that their lives aren't as easy as you think.

Believing in the best in somebody else is NOT a failure either, it reflects that you're a good person. You should be proud that you were loyal, and stood by your friend. I'm sorry that he disappointed you - you didn't deserve that.
 
Hey, Dragon, it sounds like you're in a funk. Don't be so hard on yourself for not recognizing a jerk right away. The important thing is that you DID recognize him, right? Cut the toxic people from your life so that you can detox yourself.

Get some space. Clear your head. Reflect. Try again.

Don't assume your life is worthless just because of some loser you knew in high school, lol. That's just silly. You're better than that, even if you're not giving yourself enough credit right now.
 
TK* said:
Hey, Dragon, it sounds like you're in a funk. Don't be so hard on yourself for not recognizing a jerk right away. The important thing is that you DID recognize him, right? Cut the toxic people from your life so that you can detox yourself.

Get some space. Clear your head. Reflect. Try again.

Don't assume your life is worthless just because of some loser you knew in high school, lol. That's just silly. You're better than that, even if you're not giving yourself enough credit right now.
Click to expand...

It is not him that is the problem. It is not even high school; I don't care about that too much really. Its that everything feels like a lie. The world doesn't seem real to me. All this incident has done is added to the feeling.

I have been wondering today if I could even handle a relationship. The most difficult thing about almost every girl I meet is that they don't help, at all. I am willing to initiate things most of the time and to drive the conversation sometimes, but I can't do it all. I can't hold a conversation with someone who says pretty much nothing back. If you don't want someone to talk to you, you should just tell them.

Usually when I meet a girl who I can really get along with, she is already in a relationship.

I am under too much pressure to do this.
 
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