Stroke of Insight

I saw this a while back, loved it.

 

I hadn't seen this before. Its very good. Thank you for posting this.
She reminds me a bit of the closing words of Bill Hicks when she talks about
her being an energy being.

 

this resonates on several levels:

1. i have bipolar disorder

2. i have a son with schizioaffective disorder, a form of schizophrenia

3. on february 22, 1992, an artery in the right hemisphere of my brain burst, drowning an area the size of an orange in its own blood.

my experience was very different in many ways, similar in others. for one thing, i knew a lot less about the brain, though i did recognize i was having a stroke. for another, my right hemisphere was affected and my left hemisphere kept up its constant chatter. in fact, because i was severely manic at the time, it chattered away faster than usual, and the noise was disorganized, containing no real useful information.

i did experience motor difficulties and my stumbling into the ER on too-long, too-thin legs that night were the last independent steps i ever took. the hospital suspected, because of my history as a recovering alcoholic, that i was exhibiting drug-seeking behavior and elected to 'observe' me for four hours as my brain continued to bleed into itself. at some point a dr came by and asked me to squeeze both her hands with both of mine and i could not remember how to move my left hand. it was the oddest sensation. i wracked my brain, but the memory was gone. so i was whisked off for a ct scan, where no anomalies appeared. at that point, a lumbar puncture was performed and the last words i heard were 'there's blood in the spinal fluid. we're going to admit you to icu.' then there was that sensation of a balloon deflating and i let go, finally.

because i had been manic for about two months i was severely underweight with significant vitamin and mineral deficiencies and therefore deemed too fragile for surgery. if the clot could have been removed early, perhaps i would have regained my motor functions; i guess i'll never know. i did, however, regain almost all my cognitive function, something my neurosurgeon said he'd never seen in anyone with the extensive damage i had--three lobes were affected. and despite the damage to the right hemisphere, i am still a very right-brained person.

the stroke changed my life utterly. i lost my career, my income, my kids (temporarily) and most of my friends (not so temporary a loss). for most of the first year i lost much of my dignity as i suffered the invasion of strangers washing my body and assisting with the most private of functions. it was this crucible, however, that shaped me into the person i am today. i discovered that what i thought was the end of my life was merely a new beginning and that has made all the difference. i hope that doesn't sound pollyannish; it's not meant to be.

i loved the humor with which the doctor in the video told her story. the only real humor in my experience stemmed from my mania, which often has a component of hypersexuality to it. so here i was at death's door trying to seduce every doctor who came in the room, believing i looked stunning when in fact i resembled a biafran refugee.

thanks so much for posting this. i hope writing my experience wasn't off-topic.

 

WOW!! That is quite a thing to have to go through. Sorry it happened of course, but it sounds like you are really resilient and making the most you can of things. That's really cool. I've never had anything so bad like that ever happen to me but I do always try to learn the most out of the tougher times so I can learn whatever lessons they may have for me, and so I hopefully won't have to repeat the same hurts and mistakes again. You have my greatest respect for your "Polly-Annish" outlook after all of that.

 

Anica, you're an inspiration, and I don't mean that lightly. You have a story to tell the world, hon', and I'm glad you're with us so you can begin sharing it.

*Blessings to you!*

 

Thank you, Arbygirl. Actually, I've been thinking of writing a book, not so much to share my story, but to share the stories of some of the most remarkable people I've met since the stroke.

And indeed, there have been almost too many blessings to recount, but I feel compelled to try.

Mayflower, I appreciate your comments as well. There's a lot to be said for resiliency, though it didn't come easy...it never does