*Split* Single parent vs two-parent households | INFJ Forum

*Split* Single parent vs two-parent households

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by TinyBubbles, May 18, 2010.

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  1. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    you can be a father without being a husband
     
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  2. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    I don't think that is the goal here.
     
  3. OP
    TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    perhaps not but it is still a viable alternative.
     
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  4. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    Why would any man want to do that? Have children but put yourself in a position where you can never see them?
     
  5. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    But that wouldn't be fair on the kids. Of all the kinds of people I am most unwilling to short-change/neglect/dissapoint/etc my kids (if I had any) would be at the top of the list.

    It's better if I just become a hermit.
     
  6. OP
    TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    it wouldn't necessarily disadvantage them. many kids grow up fine with a single parent. likewise children of parents with a strong marriage don't always lead happy, productive lives.
     
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  7. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I'm sure they turn out fine, but I'm not going to be the prick who leaves kids without a father. But since I don't think I'm suited for marriage, I won't ever have kids.
     
  8. OP
    TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    why would you be leaving them? maybe you could take on the full parenting duties of a mother who doesn't want her kids. you could also adopt. being a father doesn't automatically require being a husband, or even being in a relationship for that matter. (i know it's unorthodox, but it's still possible).
     
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  9. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I am unwilling to give kids an upbringing inferior to mine.
     
  10. Jonathan

    Jonathan Community Member

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    I agree with not leaving your kids without a father. Regardless of how successful or happy they end up being as adults, there's a lot of heartache, confusion, emptiness etc. for kids who don't have fathers, not to mention the impact it has on other relatives.
    I wouldn't give up on ever marrying someone, though. There's could be someone out there that will change your mind completely.
     
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  11. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    I have to agree with Flavous here. Growing up in a single parent house sucks. And given the choice the child should be raising two people. And not having the opposite sex parent around (father for a son and mother for a daughter) can cause huge issues down the line. I know my father figure for a very long time was either not their or not a stable person. My father wasn't involved in my life for a very long time and even now its not as heavily as I would like. I know it caused issues for me.
     
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  12. OP
    TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    ^ i agree in general, but if you want to look at it that way then you should only consider having children if you're completely able to give children what they need to have a happy life. and that point might never come. so what is ultimately important here, your desire to have kids or the potential welfare of the kids? consider your own childhood; i doubt most people come from ideal families, yet except in unusual circumstances they're still glad to have been born. or am I wrong?
     
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  13. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    It isn't that I haven't found the right person: I'm not the right person.
     
  14. Jonathan

    Jonathan Community Member

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    Point taken.
     
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  15. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    (FYI: If this current discussion becomes a single parent vs. two-parent household or male/female gender parenting, this thread will probably be split)

    I think, too, that ideally you have to have two parents who love their children and love themselves as well. It's good to have a male and a female perspective in a household, but it's not always optimal. I grew up in a single parent household but it would've been nice to have had a truly honest male perspective during critical times in my life (esp. during puberty and during self-esteem issues).

    But the point is, you have to be the best parent you can be. And if you aren't comfortable being a single parent, don't do it. It takes a LOT of energy to be a single parent and not everyone can be one. But if you have a lot of love, time, energy, and a balanced life then sure. Adoption might be an option for a single person.
     
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  16. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    At the risk of splitting this thread, I have to say that kids need both the feminine and the masculine perspective growing up. This isn't to say they can't get it from two of the same sex, or from other outside sources. But it takes a truly outstanding person to raise a child on their own and give them all the perspectives and wisdom that they need. It's almost impossible for one person to do it.

    And yes BB, I think boys need their dad's a little more and girls need their mom's.
     
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  17. testing

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    It's hard raising babies with two people.

    I personally cannot even imagine how a single parent does it, and I suspect in most cases the children lose out. Children need attention more than anything (especially when they are very young) as well as financial resources, and that is a big challenge for one person presumably working full-time.

    I am not moralizing; I know people do it, but it is incredibly challenging and knowing the time, attention, and resources I give my children, especially when they were under 3, I cannot imagine doing it well without a co-parent.

    I agree QP, as usual!

    P.S. sorry, I hope the thread doesn't have to be split, the above pretty much sums up what I have to say on the subject.
     
    #17 testing, May 18, 2010
    Last edited: May 18, 2010
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