*Split* Single parent vs two-parent households

But that wouldn't be fair on the kids. Of all the kinds of people I am most unwilling to short-change/neglect/dissapoint/etc my kids (if I had any) would be at the top of the list.

It's better if I just become a hermit.

 

I'm sure they turn out fine, but I'm not going to be the prick who leaves kids without a father. But since I don't think I'm suited for marriage, I won't ever have kids.

 

I am unwilling to give kids an upbringing inferior to mine.

 

I agree with not leaving your kids without a father. Regardless of how successful or happy they end up being as adults, there's a lot of heartache, confusion, emptiness etc. for kids who don't have fathers, not to mention the impact it has on other relatives.
I wouldn't give up on ever marrying someone, though. There's could be someone out there that will change your mind completely.

 

I have to agree with Flavous here. Growing up in a single parent house sucks. And given the choice the child should be raising two people. And not having the opposite sex parent around (father for a son and mother for a daughter) can cause huge issues down the line. I know my father figure for a very long time was either not their or not a stable person. My father wasn't involved in my life for a very long time and even now its not as heavily as I would like. I know it caused issues for me.

 

It isn't that I haven't found the right person: I'm not the right person.

 

Point taken.

 

(FYI: If this current discussion becomes a single parent vs. two-parent household or male/female gender parenting, this thread will probably be split)

I think, too, that ideally you have to have two parents who love their children and love themselves as well. It's good to have a male and a female perspective in a household, but it's not always optimal. I grew up in a single parent household but it would've been nice to have had a truly honest male perspective during critical times in my life (esp. during puberty and during self-esteem issues).

But the point is, you have to be the best parent you can be. And if you aren't comfortable being a single parent, don't do it. It takes a LOT of energy to be a single parent and not everyone can be one. But if you have a lot of love, time, energy, and a balanced life then sure. Adoption might be an option for a single person.

 

At the risk of splitting this thread, I have to say that kids need both the feminine and the masculine perspective growing up. This isn't to say they can't get it from two of the same sex, or from other outside sources. But it takes a truly outstanding person to raise a child on their own and give them all the perspectives and wisdom that they need. It's almost impossible for one person to do it.

And yes BB, I think boys need their dad's a little more and girls need their mom's.

 

It's hard raising babies with two people.

I personally cannot even imagine how a single parent does it, and I suspect in most cases the children lose out. Children need attention more than anything (especially when they are very young) as well as financial resources, and that is a big challenge for one person presumably working full-time.

I am not moralizing; I know people do it, but it is incredibly challenging and knowing the time, attention, and resources I give my children, especially when they were under 3, I cannot imagine doing it well without a co-parent.

I agree QP, as usual!

P.S. sorry, I hope the thread doesn't have to be split, the above pretty much sums up what I have to say on the subject.