Soulmates? | INFJ Forum

Soulmates?

TigersGoRAWR

TigersGoRAWR

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Jan 12, 2011
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Type 2 so/sp/sx
For a long time now I have believed in soulmates...

Unfortunately I seem to have a problem with my relationship at the moment... I have known him for most of my life, and we met up with a friend of ours in my home town last year for the first time since I moved away. One night he was drunk and he kissed me... he was my primary school crush hehe, so of course I wanted too. (This was around July last year)

However, very quickly it seemed, it became very serious and he said he loved me rather quickly (in November last year). My previous relationship was dreadful, and it has scarred me in many ways. There are things I am scared to do on the physical side that would not phase someone else...
Whilst we have been friends for many years and share some similar interests and also share the same sense of humour- he is also very different to me as well, which worries me.

As someone who believes in soulmates... I don't think he is my soulmate, but I can't be sure of this..
Do you believe in soulmates? if you have had a similar experience- please share your advice! :)
 
TigersGoRAWR said:
For a long time now I have believed in soulmates...

Unfortunately I seem to have a problem with my relationship at the moment... I have known him for most of my life, and we met up with a friend of ours in my home town last year for the first time since I moved away. One night he was drunk and he kissed me... he was my primary school crush hehe, so of course I wanted too. (This was around July last year)

However, very quickly it seemed, it became very serious and he said he loved me rather quickly (in November last year). My previous relationship was dreadful, and it has scarred me in many ways. There are things I am scared to do on the physical side that would not phase someone else...
Whilst we have been friends for many years and share some similar interests and also share the same sense of humour- he is also very different to me as well, which worries me.

As someone who believes in soulmates... I don't think he is my soulmate, but I can't be sure of this..
Do you believe in soulmates? if you have had a similar experience- please share your advice! :)
Click to expand...

First off: Don't do anything you're not comfortable doing. If he is your soulmate, or just a good human being, I'm sure he'll understand. Your have justified reasons to feel the way that you should do and you should never feel bad or compare your relationship and what is happening in it to others. It won't help. You may, depending on how you feel about the end-results of the relationship with him, want to reveal to him what makes you uncomfortable before it happens.

I think the idea of a soulmate is nice in theory but doesn't work out in reality. I find it hard to imagine that one individual person could be meant for you and you would somehow meet that person in your lifetime when you're capable of engaging that relationsihp successfully. My personal belief is that any given person has multiple soul-mates. Multiple individuals in which they could fall in love with. Some of them are going to be negated by time and money, others language barriers and customs.

And even from that point, I think that an individual's soul-mates have different personalities and values and only through the effort of trying to connect on a emotional level will a relationship work out. In other words, some of your soul-mates may appear way different from you and that may or may not work for you depending on the emotional security and vulnerability you have at that point in time.
 
Reon said:
First off: Don't do anything you're not comfortable doing. If he is your soulmate, or just a good human being, I'm sure he'll understand. Your have justified reasons to feel the way that you should do and you should never feel bad or compare your relationship and what is happening in it to others. It won't help. You may, depending on how you feel about the end-results of the relationship with him, want to reveal to him what makes you uncomfortable before it happens.

I think the idea of a soulmate is nice in theory but doesn't work out in reality. I find it hard to imagine that one individual person could be meant for you and you would somehow meet that person in your lifetime when you're capable of engaging that relationsihp successfully. My personal belief is that any given person has multiple soul-mates. Multiple individuals in which they could fall in love with. Some of them are going to be negated by time and money, others language barriers and customs.

And even from that point, I think that an individual's soul-mates have different personalities and values and only through the effort of trying to connect on a emotional level will a relationship work out. In other words, some of your soul-mates may appear way different from you and that may or may not work for you depending on the emotional security and vulnerability you have at that point in time.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for your insightful response, Reon :D
He is aware of my previous relationship and he is very supportive of the fact that Im uncomfortable with certain things- unfortunately the big difference we both have is that he is very highly sexually driven and I am not O.O I dont know whether if its because of my previous relationship that I am like this or not, but... it's a bit of a bummer for him, really xD I just feel kinda bad D:
There are many things that I am to learn and re-learn again when it comes to relationships I guess :3

I believe that people can have multiple soulmates too... I think one of the things Im still struggling with is the fact that we were friends for so long and very quickly it turned into something else, it was very unexpected! Im still getting used to it really, I suppose. :D
 
The idea is yes. But the ideal is no. This is impractical in person. It is labeled as dualism. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dualism

Sadly, I've decided that yes, this is probably true, but there are likely those who are so similar to one's dual, that it would be a bad idea to actively search for them.

Would likely be right there in front of you, but also right there behind you.
 
If he is driven by sex, I would be wary. Hold back, take it slowly and reflect on how you feel. No one on here can say if he is your soulmate. Only you can. If you are not thinking in the least about sex with him, I would venture a guess at not your soulmate since there has to be attraction.
 
TigersGoRAWR said:
he said he loved me rather quickly
Click to expand...

When one of a couple's emotions is ahead of the other's, the relationship is unbalanced.
On the other hand, what you think is too fast is probably based on your experience and how slowly you're comfortable moving.
 
I believe in dualism, not soulmates. Similar, but one sounds scientific.
 
TigersGoRAWR said:
For a long time now I have believed in soulmates...

Unfortunately I seem to have a problem with my relationship at the moment... I have known him for most of my life, and we met up with a friend of ours in my home town last year for the first time since I moved away. One night he was drunk and he kissed me... he was my primary school crush hehe, so of course I wanted too. (This was around July last year)

However, very quickly it seemed, it became very serious and he said he loved me rather quickly (in November last year). My previous relationship was dreadful, and it has scarred me in many ways. There are things I am scared to do on the physical side that would not phase someone else...
Whilst we have been friends for many years and share some similar interests and also share the same sense of humour- he is also very different to me as well, which worries me.

As someone who believes in soulmates... I don't think he is my soulmate, but I can't be sure of this..
Do you believe in soulmates? if you have had a similar experience- please share your advice! :)
Click to expand...

The idea that soul mates denote a partner that is only there to fulfill and satisfy you to a point of ecstasy is a misconception. Soul mates are not only for 'romance'. True soul mates incarnate together for the purpose of growth and exploration and expansion. Growth and expansion does not occure without some form of pain and discomfort. Most soul mates work out issues that need to be resolves via some sort of relationships; does not have to be of love and sexual nature.

Sounds like you guys reached a point of expansion and growth but struggling to make it happen. Everything will depend on how much work and effort both will put in to make it work.
 
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TigersGoRAWR said:
Do you believe in soulmates? if you have had a similar experience- please share your advice! :)
Click to expand...

i don't even know where to start. how do you define a soulmate? i only feel like someone's my soulmate when i've driven them away.

i love the ancient greek story of orpheus and eurydice.

orpheus is the worlds best and most enchanting poet and musician. his wife eurydice is bitten by vipers when she's out walking, and when orpheus finds her he plays the saddest song ever played. the nymphs and gods cried to it, and told him to go to hades in hell to make his case to bring her back to life. he plays a sad and beautiful song that causes hades to become emotional for the first and only time ever. hades tells orpheus that he can have his wife back if they can walk all the way back to the world of the living without looking back at his wife. orpheus walks all the way back to the world, and as soon as he gets to the top, he turns around to look at his wife only to then remember that they both had to be on the ground. the one look he gets of her is the last that anyone will ever see as she is then gone forever.

i hope to find a soulmate that i don't have to "kill" to realize just how great she was.
 
vandyke said:
i don't even know where to start. how do you define a soulmate? i only feel like someone's my soulmate when i've driven them away.

i love the ancient greek story of orpheus and eurydice.

orpheus is the worlds best and most enchanting poet and musician. his wife eurydice is bitten by vipers when she's out walking, and when orpheus finds her he plays the saddest song ever played. the nymphs and gods cried to it, and told him to go to hades in hell to make his case to bring her back to life. he plays a sad and beautiful song that causes hades to become emotional for the first and only time ever. hades tells orpheus that he can have his wife back if they can walk all the way back to the world of the living without looking back at his wife. orpheus walks all the way back to the world, and as soon as he gets to the top, he turns around to look at his wife only to then remember that they both had to be on the ground. the one look he gets of her is the last that anyone will ever see as she is then gone forever.

i hope to find a soulmate that i don't have to "kill" to realize just how great she was.
Click to expand...

What a sad but beautiful story!

For me, a soulmate is someone you can be your complete self around without feeling conscious or the need to hide parts of who you are.
They accept your flaws yet love you all the same, they know everything about you and they understand the mistakes you have made, the mistakes you will make, and reassure you that they will be there through all of it.
But it's more than that- it's a bond you don't share with anyone else, a connection you feel with that someone that you can't turn away from, even if they aren't yours.

I suppose everyone has a different meaning for it... I know everyone doesn't believe in them, but I have my own reasons as to why I do :)

The part I've highlighted in bold- unfortunately I know exactly how this feels!
 
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solongotgon said:
The idea that soul mates denote a partner that is only there to fulfill and satisfy you to a point of ecstasy is a misconception. Soul mates are not only for 'romance'. True soul mates incarnate together for the purpose of growth and exploration and expansion. Growth and expansion does not occure without some form of pain and discomfort. Most soul mates work out issues that need to be resolves via some sort of relationships; does not have to be of love and sexual nature.

Sounds like you guys reached a point of expansion and growth but struggling to make it happen. Everything will depend on how much work and effort both will put in to make it work.
Click to expand...

I really like this post, thank you solongotgon! :)

As I previously said to vandyke, a soulmate is much more to me than just romance.. though this is where me and my boyfriend differ massively- I fear he feels 'lust' for me and not 'love' and he is getting the 2 mixed up. With his ex girlfriend, it was very much about the sex and with me Im like "lets go do stuff!"

Age wise, whilst Im only a few weeks older than he is, mentally I feel like Im much older than him.. I like going about things in an adult way but he is very childish and is still a 'lad' as the folks say these days. hehe. He likes the booze, he likes the drugs, he likes talking about girls with his pals. I cannot bare such things xD!

As I have said as well, to me a soulmate is someone who you don't have to hide from or feel like you have to tip toe around, and with him, whilst I have known him for a rather large portion of my life, I still feel like if I told him bits of myself, he would say 'wtf' and run screaming for the hills XD
 
Alomoes said:
Semi-duality http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/content.php/89-Semi-duality-Relations

http://www.socionics.com/rel/sdl.htm

Either that or this could be the problem I foresee, where one who is quite intelligent and has a high IQ would be less able to function among those who cannot process information so quickly. Either way, I hope it works out for you both. Time to go back to headache! (I have a headache.)
Click to expand...

Thank you for the links! I will definitely read into those tomorrow (when I'm not falling asleep at my computer) and will respond :3
I have tried talking to him about our situation and it just goes in one ear and out the other- either that or he ignores it and just plays dumb- either one xD
Thank you! I want it to be okay- I don't want to lose him as a friend- I'm just trying to find a way to get through to him. When I next see him I want to sit down with him, talk about the situation in an adult fashion.. but I don't think that will happen :')
High five for headaches- I sympathise with you right now! hope yours feels better soon :D
 
I believe in soulmates or souls in general. I also believe in ''twin flames'' like the other person is half of you (half of your soul?).

I think she has many good points about the soulmates:

[video=youtube;eqrGkQOpmAs]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqrGkQOpmAs[/video]
 
flower said:
I believe in soulmates or souls in general. I also believe in ''twin flames'' like the other person is half of you (half of your soul?).

I think she has many good points about the soulmates:

[video=youtube;eqrGkQOpmAs]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqrGkQOpmAs[/video]
Click to expand...

Thank you very much for your comment, flower!

I love that video! :D everything she says is so powerful, I totally understand everything she is saying.
 
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