Soul sisters and brothers, do you agree?

[Norwich]

I've long wondered why I was attracted to the strong silent type. It's funny because my self esteem really isn't conducive to such pursuits. But never the less, I'm drawn to those that are elusive. This is particularly true with men. I've been analyzing this phenomena for years.

My first thoughts centered on my father. There is no man more elusive than him. It's certainly possible that through my life, I've been trying to reconcile that relationship.

My husband is an ESTJ. [MENTION=2578]K-gal[/MENTION]; offered a theory regarding why I was attracted to him. It's very compelling.

I've often wondered what it was I found/find so alluring in being with my FGL - and I finally arrived at this idea: Since he (and perhaps most ESTJ') doesn't feel his feelings - then he creates a nice calm soothing space for me to nestle in where I can feel mine without bumping up against his.

Obviously, I've long sense quit looking for a romantic partner. But interestingly enough, those that I desire for friends most often are rather elusive too.

@VH; introduced this theory on another thread.

Actually, it's the fact that the things women are attracted to in men can be exaggerated in vampires... strength of personality, power, detachment, dangerous, elusiveness, uniqueness, the drive to meet their needs by taking from women, dominance, direction, etc.

This got me to wondering, am I any different than others?

So my question is, do you find yourself attracted to strong, reserved, elusive, seemingly detached people?

 

[David54]

100% absolutely. . .
I have also found that I get attracked to to those that need rescuing. .adn I"m trying to not do that again. .

 

[Kgal]

So my question is, do you find yourself attracted to strong, reserved, elusive, seemingly detached people?

Yes. I think I am. I like to figure people out - you know - we all do probably. So when someone comes along and they are mysterious - well - naturally I get more interested in them. Sort of like "Curiosity killed the Cat" syndrome. I used to be horrible at this - bothering people with questions until they revealed what was at the root. I try not to do that anymore.

On the Father influence: My father and I made an excellent team when working on the ranchette doing maintenance and improvements. He was gregarious and extremely inventive. Always coming up with projects to do. I learned to be that way from him. I never saw him behave very emotionally. I felt extremely loved and treasured by him. He'd get angry - but it was controlled and he never spanked us in anger. Nevertheless - when he did get angry at me I felt so threatened by it that I would fear he'd abandon me. So I don't know what that suggests. Maybe I'm attracted to a guy who doesn't show emotions because I assume they will not get angry with me, too? Sounds pretty illogical when I see this. Who knows what my hidden selves think...:lol:

I can say without a doubt that all of my serious relationships have been based upon my father and I dynamics. I know I was seeking to recreate my childhood situation. I know...bad ...bad... Thing is - I just realized this about a year ago. hwell:

 

[VH]

I think this is something that we older INFJs eventually realize.

 

[Norwich]

I think this is something that we older INFJs eventually realize.

@VH; My dear, at thirty-five I don't think you yet qualify for the "older" moniker.:boink:

 

[Wyote]

I'm attracted to outgoing, bull headed, nerdy women.

 

[acd]

I like strong and outgoing.
Strong mysterious and brooding has it's allure, but not long-term.

 

[AhSver]

Oedipus complex always runs strong, even subconsciously, might explain why you are attracted to such types due the fact it's similar to your father.

 

[Jana]

So it is not just me...

 

[dream echo]

Strong, emotionally reserved, elusive, detached, mysterious
...romantic story of my life, lol.

 

[Jana]

Strong, enthusiastic, little bit bossy...

 

[Norwich]

Yes. I think I am. I like to figure people out - you know - we all do probably. So when someone comes along and they are mysterious - well - naturally I get more interested in them. Sort of like "Curiosity killed the Cat" syndrome. I used to be horrible at this - bothering people with questions until they revealed what was at the root.

Can definitely relate to your curiosity. As for annoying others with incessant questions, nah.... that couldn't be me. :laugh:

 

[Norwich]

100% absolutely. . .
I have also found that I get attracted to to those that need rescuing. .adn I"m trying to not do that again. .

I feel for you. Back when I was dating, not only was I attracted to that type but there seemed to be some sort of magnetic energy emanating from me that attracted them my way. Good luck!

I'm attracted to outgoing, bull headed, nerdy women.

As always you make me smile. I'm going to hazard giving some unsolicited advice here. If you ever decide to do up a homemade greeting card for your girlfriend, you might want to reword things just a tad.

So it is not just me...

Shall we start a club?

Strong, emotionally reserved, elusive, detached, mysterious
...romantic story of my life, lol.

Want to join a club that Jana and I are considering? Just one thing, I'm not too into the bossy ones. Do we have to include them?

 

[dream echo]

Want to join a club that Jana and I are considering?

Just one thing, I'm not too into the bossy ones. Do we have to include them?

Sure! Maybe then I could figure out why I'm attracted to this type of man.

And no, I really dislike bossiness in a partner. Masculine dominance in the bedroom is a completely different story, though, haha. RAWR!

 

[Norwich]

I like strong and outgoing.
Strong mysterious and brooding has it's allure, but not long-term.

Brooding. I hadn't thought to use that term but it certainly applies.

Oedipus complex always runs strong, even subconsciously, might explain why you are attracted to such types due the fact it's similar to your father.

At first, I wanted to dismiss the Oedipus/Electra complex. What I can remember from Psych classes, it had to do with an urge to kill the parent of the opposite sex out of jealousy and the desire for attention from the opposite sex parent. This doesn't seem to really apply to me as my father was long gone before I reached the phallic stage. And if I'd offed my mother, I would have been utterly alone. But prompted by your comment I did some reading on Oedipus, the mythical Greek King. Did you realize he never knew, until many years later, that he had killed his father or slept with his mother? I didn't. He was abandoned as a baby and never knew who his biological family was until after their death. Anyway, thanks for prompting me to look into that further.

 

[VH]

I patently refuse to date a woman that even subconsciously reminds me of my mother, and the instant a woman does remind me of my mother, we are done.

 

[Norwich]

I patently refuse to date a woman that even subconsciously reminds me of my mother, and the instant a woman does remind me of my mother, we are done.

You have no idea how hard it is for someone who has a penchant for "annoying others with incessant questions", to remain still after reading this comment.

 

[Majesty]

I tend to be attracted to submissive and artistic sensitive souls.

I think I'd feel very weird dating a guy more masculine than me lol

 

[CAptain]

I'm attracted to playful and enthusiastic women.

 

[This]

This is actually a really though one for me because I've been attracted to a lot of different women and for a lot of different reasons over the course of my life. I used to be a "rescuer" and would be attracted to "bad girls" so to speak. I think I've grown out of that now though. What attracts me now is logical and smart on the outside but a rich world of emotion on the inside, the nerdy girl with a heart not many are privy to but a heart that can really love fully.