So, what makes you soooooo defensive? | INFJ Forum

So, what makes you soooooo defensive?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, May 25, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    So, what kinds of things do people do which make you feel defensive? Why?
     
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  2. Melkor

    Melkor Madman with a cause

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    When people try to hug me I get very-very-very defensive.

    I mean literally.

    I curl into a ball.

    Also, I get figuratively defensive when complimented, and often try to disprove it.
    Why?

    -I don't know! I've been given several reasons, either I'm insecure, wasn't hugged enough as a child, need therapy, or am secretly a small alien inside a touch activated suit.

    -Because obviously all compliments are just insults dressed up with sarcasm, duh.
     
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  3. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

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    When I am trying to accomplish a task and get interrupted. This is really bad when they interrupt me trying to explain their way of doing it. Well I need to attempt it my way first, gauge how well it worked, then I'll try their way. But leave me the hell alone during the first run through otherwise my entire point of reference is screwed, hell its screwed now cause you interrupted me!:m106:

    This is all going on in my head, I tend to just grunt and shoo them away with my hands to try and maintain my train of thought. I tend to be pretty receptive to advice if I'm not already focused on something, breaking that train of thought really infuriates me though.
     
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  4. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    I don't like when people try to assume how I am feeling, psychoanalyze me, and I hate when people ask me how I am feeling. This makes me defensive because it seems to imply they don't think I would inform them if I felt uncomfortable; which I would.

    I don't like it when people try to imply since I am a female...blah blah blah
    Or that because I am sixteen.... blah blah blah
    Or because I am asexual.... blah blah blah
    Or because I have never dated....blah blah blah

    I don't like any of that.

    Also, I don't like people who go back down on plans I've set up. I don't like being put on the spot and asked to assume responsibilities in public when I haven't been talked about privately about the decisions; I hate when big groups silence other peoples' voices just because they want to get contacts moving faster...grr....

    I get defensive if pretty much anyone questions how I am...and I get defensive about my gender, pretty much, I identify myself as masculine and I HATE when my dad's friends come up to me and start talking about how my dad has to watch out when I start dating boys---cause that's NOT gonna happen HAHAHAHA.

    I hate when people try to contradict me and think that they know me better than I do...because they don't.

    People who are overly emotional or want to know what I feel offend me because I'm not very good at all of that.

    And um....oh yeah I get really offended when people imply that my interest in certain individuals is purely lustful, I get insulted when others mistake passion for just want to see someone naked. Uhmmm......

    I'm actually terrible aggravated today so this probably was a lot longer than it normally would have been.

    Also I HATE when people try to relate and be like 'when I was your age I was like you and then I changed so you will too'.
     
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    #4 slant, May 25, 2010
    Last edited: May 25, 2010
  5. OP
    Gaze

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    Yep, quite agree.
     
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  6. The Jester

    Marry me.
     
  7. Bored Now

    On Holiday

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    You want to know something messed up? I get defensive when people express an interest in me out of the blue. Like "What the hell do you want?" It's the oddest thing. You think my reaction would be one of flattery, but not so much. It's not insecurity, just distrust.
     
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  8. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    are you afraid of emotional intimacy too?! -feels closer to bored now suddenly-
     
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  9. OP
    Gaze

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    What makes me defensive is when someone suggests, implies or questions my decisions as if they were fly by night actions which came tumbling out of nowhere, when i've analyzed, overanalyzed, questioned, doubted, rethought, rethought, rethought them until the cows came home before i made that final call. It unnerves me . . .

    And it bothers me because they feel that if they don't see your reasoning, then no reasoning was involved in making the decision, because of course if it was a sensible decision, it would naturally make sense to them. *facepalm*
     
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    #9 Gaze, May 25, 2010
    Last edited: May 25, 2010
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  10. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

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    I identify with this, oddly enough on both ends of the spectrum. From an investigative standpoint the reasoning involved will make sense of the final decision. Not that I'm looking to judge someone, I just want to know. Other end of the spectrum, that shits private and unless you are on the council of gibberish in my head you aren't privy to it.

    I guess I can do both if I admit I am a hypocrite, still doesn't sit right.
     
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  11. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    Won't be a lot of sex going on in that marriage I bet.

    I get defensives if people talk about my lack of socializing. I socialize quite a bit, just not in a way they approve of. I think we all have met people who equate face-to-face interaction as the only interaction that "counts".
     
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  12. aeon

    aeon Ooh, a bunny!
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    I feel fear and choose to engage in a defensive manner if and when I perceive I have been invalidated.


    cheers,
    Ian
     
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  13. tovlo

    tovlo Well-known member

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    I get defensive about things that have only happened in my mind.

    For example, someone speaks about something as if it's the only possible answer, solution, or way to approach something. I know I've thought of other ways and chosen to engage in other ways. No one has said a word about me or my ways, but I've imagined a slight and now I'm on the defense.
     
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  14. Norwich

    Norwich insistent
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    I don't get defensive when interrupted just hugely annoyed. But then if someone has the audacity to ask for justification for why I
     
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  15. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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  16. Melkor

    Melkor Madman with a cause

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    Nope, no sex dove, but lots of rape^.^

    I accept Jester! But we gotta be at least two metres apart at all times.

    I also hate when my lack of socializing is brought up.

    Anyone else feel defensive when they're late for a LARGE CLASS?
     
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  17. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    No, and I've seen you, indigo and a few others mention that they just wont go in for fear of passing through that huge crowd. For me the fear of missing a class was always greater than my classmates. So whats it about the crowd that is so much more scary than failing class?
     
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  18. Peppermint

    Peppermint Well-known member

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    People prying into my privacy. Asking too many questions. Especially personal questions. Trying to elicit an emotional response.

    My favorite are the people who think they know what I feel and think better than I do (aka. making uneducated assumptions about me and my motives) Absolutely pisses me off. Oh and people who challenge my introversion as abnormal or unnatural, or otherwise imply there's something wrong with my natural tendencies.:m067:
     
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  19. TurtleTrooper

    TurtleTrooper Community Member

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    i hate when people misunderstand my introversion. being with people stresses me out. get over it. but people who cannot understand this are the worst. i'm not around so other people will just sit and gossip and make stuff up like they have me all figured out, but really i'm just being introverted. back off man.
     
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  20. Rogue

    Rogue Community Member

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    Hmmm when I am writing music...really focusing...and I get interrupted...multiple times(annoying), but if I am asked to get up...:rant:
    people who are mean/degrading to others for no reason.
     
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