(So, this is how my mind works . . .)

The moments when I have a feeling about my thinking processes always connected with relation with other person at that moment. I intuitively comparing my abilities in expressing myself with other person.

And how it affected me, I can not say exactly, but I feel like my direct understanding of that moment is more completenesslish.

 

One point of such was when I found that my parents weren't always right. I saw myself as an extension of them for a long time, as something that exists under them, but eventually I moved away from that and existed outside of their being/influence.

Another time was when I was able to shed my biases based on social influence. There is a point where I have to behave in accordance with the rules of our society, and that doesn't really bother me. However, similar to my parents, I felt as an extension of society, that I needed to 'click' into place and since I often don't feel like I 'click' then I reasoned that there must be something wrong with me.

However, I found that I am me, and that society in itself nor in the rules it enforces is/are the pinnacle of existence. I am the source of my own state of consciousness and I have given up any expectations otherwise. I use society and society uses me, much like an employer uses an employee and vice versa (The workplace being a different society in itself.)

Interestingly, I have never felt as an extension from any employer, I don't think I ever will either. Some people do, very much so; at least that is the case from what I have seen in my various jobs.

 

I don't remember when the exact point of awareness was, but I now recognize two separate voices (not real voices, just like internal points of view advocates) within my thought process.

One of the voices is in tune with practical, logical, and explainable thought processes. It's the one that respects the rules of proper decision-making as I've been taught by society. It's one that if I told someone how I reached a decision following it's path, they would likely go, "Oh, OK", whether they agreed with the end decision or not, because they'd understand my process.

The other voice is the one I associate with my intuition. It doesn't always make logical sense. Everything reasonable or practical might point to a different decision, but that other voice is saying, "no, go this way". I've learned through experience that this voice never leads me astray. It doesn't matter how little sense it seems to make, it's always led to the best outcomes to follow it. I have come to believe that this voice is in touch with a greater consciousness that understands a wider range of factors and implications than I can consciously process.

I think my awareness and more absolute trust of the second voice has come in the last few years. I sort of played with my awareness of this voice and it's tendency to be right for a while, but when the decision was really important and the two voices where in conflict, I'd abandon my intuition. The job I currently hold is an example of ignoring the voice. I took the job because it was my first offer and the conscious, practical part of me said, "bird in hand", despite the fact that my inner voice was telling me, "no, this is not your place". It has been the worst environment I've ever worked in.

I think this was the turning point for me in recognizing that no matter how uncomfortable following an inner voice I can't justify to anyone else is, it will always be in my best interest to listen to it's wisdom.

 

Once I learn something new about myself, it MUST be applied and actively worked on. At times things get backed up and I have to put some things off for a while, but I come back to it. If I see a fault within myself (which is what I look for the majority of the time), what good would it do to just let it be? I have to try and fix the faults I see, because then I won't become a better person. At times this does cause me pain for a bunch of reasons.

One interesting thing that I find myself doing, is trying to transcend psychology, and sociology. I get frusterated with myself when I find that I do something that is undesirable, just because it is stated that it's common psychology to do so. I battle with my emotions over this. I NEVER act out in anger, jealousy, revenge, etc. on anyone. I know that these emotions are invalid, and I have seen that they cause more problems then they would fix. All for some justification to feel better? It's not worth it, its unfair.

A recent thing that I have discovered about myself, after watching a ted talk, is that people are often very irrational. Their judgements are skewed by seemingly unimportant data in front of them, and almost everyone is subjected to this. Now that I know this, I have to fix this. In hindsight, yes my judgements are skewed because this is simple psychology of the mind. That's not good enough though, if I can get around this I will be a better more efficent person. It's not easy though, this will be one of the hardest things to attempt to transcend. I have to bring into question everything that I choose. Is it logical, based off something meaningfull? Or is it because of what is presented to me, is making my opinions shift. It makes me think that I am not in control of my motives, and I am not going to allow myself to fall for this. When I make a judgement call, I have been trying to ask myself "ok, that is what you chose, but is that a valid decision? Was it too complex to understand so it was skewed to make me answer the easier choice?" I will go back and edit it. This takes alot of mental strain, and is disheartning in a way, but it will make me a better person.

That's just one example. But that is the sort of thing I do when I discover something about myself. I learn it, I take it, and I apply it.

 

i'm not sure i have 'epiphanies' about how my mind works, but I've had epiphanies about how my life is, how the world works. i've had moments where it just struck me, like a bolt of lightening, how damn lucky I am, how I don't have the right to complain about a single damn thing that has ever happened in my life, because it could all have gone so differently, so easily. it's at once a humbling, and frightening experience. I think this is why I'm a little obsessed with god, though it still doesn't make sense - if God is not controlling all this, then what? from whom should I seek the answers- to whom should I express my gratitude?

sorry for going off track :/

 

I have had several such epiphanies in my life....I would say they were moments of clarity where things I felt intuitively ran into some major input that totally sealed the deal and meant going in the direction in which I was already headed...but with much more gusto and enthusiasm (and even abandon). As such these were real earthquakes for me and I am still dealing with the amazing aftershocks ten, fifteen, twenty...some almost thirty years later!! I think these have allowed me to be much more of who I was (and am) destined to be. In most cases my steps toward certain awarenesses were internal and tentative at first.....and then that lightning bolt stuck from the heavens and everything snapped into sharp, vivid focus.

 

i need a few of those epiphanies... they seem few and far between. how disappointing

 

Ephiphanies, I love them! Although I've never really had one about how my mind words like mentioned above.

Around the age of 11 or 12, I really became aware of the world around me, politics, society etc. and it was like a floodgate of knowledge on me. I suppose everyone goes through this, part of maturing?

At 13 I realized people have to change for themselves, and sometimes they can't even do that (long story dealing with alcoholism in the family).

As I've gotten older I've realized sometimes my supersensitivity is just that, and not other people judging me or out to get me. I'm learning to deal with handling my reactions and emotions.

Like NAI, I've realized my parents don't know it all. Especially since I've had kids myself, I realized, even now, they are human like me and are prone to mistakes and are not always right. In the same sense I've grown a deep apppreciation for the sacrifices that they have made for my siblings and I.

I realized my intution is existent and for the most part correct. I have many instances but I'm not going to discuss them now.