sexual harrassment in the workplace

[alice144]

INFJs, have you ever been sexually harrassed? How? What did you do about it?





Back in the day, at a company where I don't work anymore, I had a lot of problems. I filed three complaints in total. This was real stuff. The last time, when some dude whacked me with a tube after having a shit fit when I called him on some BS, my boss implied that I was making it up, and wouldn't even honor my request not to schedule me with him anymore. He tried to fire me a bunch of times, and finally succeeded.

What I can't figure out is if reducing women to no more than a piece of meat is acceptable within our society, or whether guys just hate to be called on it. In any case whenever I complained about it the response I got was... vindictive. People suck!






edit: No, whacking someone with a tube is not sexual harrassment. It is instead an example of someone being intentionally violent. Most of my problems have been with sexual harrassment, but environments which foster sexual harrassment seem to also foster other sorts of bad behavior;

 

[Cornerstone]

"Whacked me with a tube"

Obvious metaphor or I'm missing the sexual part?

Umm...I suppose it's the way of the culture that women are objectified and their opinions belittled. Not to mention that, in some places, that kind of behaviour is actually the way to attract women...remembering that a lot of people go to bars and clubs to pull and the almost aggressive nature that is prevelant when talking to women (in order to attract and maintain attention) can be difficult for some men to switch on and off. Like, they don't know when it is appropriate and part of the necessary "dance" so to speak. It dribbles into their everyday view of women as things to be toyed with.

Taking the long view, gender equality is really new. I'm not saying it is right but there are people who are still being born to parents of a generation where gender equality wasn't a thing. These kind of attitudes die harder than Bruce Willis but the current young generations are getting better and hopefully soon it will be a lot more natural...maybe. I don't really know.

Maybe it will take women pursuing men romantically more often to change the dynamic to one where one is not the chased and the other the chasee because that leads to men's silly brains assuming everything is potentially an opportunity for sexytimes.

 

[alice144]

Ugh, I hate dick jokes.

There's a pretty big difference between a bar and the workplace. Most of us get a job in order to pay the rent, not to get laid.

Not all women are into that aggressive bullshit. In fact, I'm not sure who is. That shit gets annoying after, like, fifteen minutes.

Probably why I don't go to bars. Who would subject themselves to that on purpose? Ugh.

 

[Billy]

Ugh, I hate dick jokes.

There's a pretty big difference between a bar and the workplace. Most of us get a job in order to pay the rent, not to get laid.

Not all women are into that aggressive bullshit. In fact, I'm not sure who is. That shit gets annoying after, like, fifteen minutes.

Probably why I don't go to bars. Who would subject themselves to that on purpose? Ugh.

Doesnt it suck carrying all this gender based anger after a while?

 

[bamf]

I am vocally a radical feminist (and a host of other things that people would be quick to call me), but I'm really grasping at straws trying to understand how hitting someone is sexual harassment.

 

[Faye]

You mean you called him out on sexually harassing you, and his response was to hit you?

To a large degree society tolerates/accepts maltreatment of women. Also of course the idiots who do that hate being called out on it. It is pretty disgusting, and I don't really understand how anyone can think like that. But then again, I find the way many people act and behave toward others disgusting.

 

[Nixie]

I am vocally a radical feminist (and a host of other things that people would be quick to call me), but I'm really grasping at straws trying to understand how hitting someone is sexual harassment.

Additionally the quality of posts and other strangeness of the OP makes it hard to believe the story too. *shrug* A value judgement on my part but I'm willing to stick by it. I call troublemaker.

 

[Billy]

Additionally the quality of posts and other strangeness of the OP makes it hard to believe the story too. *shrug* A value judgement on my part but I'm willing to stick by it. I call troublemaker.

A 1 hit wonder right? Is this person here to be a part of the community or to stir up male/female issues because she is in a community college gender equity course?

 

[Nixie]

A 1 hit wonder right? Is this person here to be a part of the community or to stir up male/female issues because she is in a community college gender equity course?

Many post replies from the OP seem argumentative, self centered and rigid too. *shrug* If it is the real persona, I could see them being a troublemaker at work and people not believing them as a result. If that is the case, doesn't make it right to ignore but at least understandable in a sense.

There is a breed of individual who have learned that being disagreeable and shouting around about hot button topics gets them the attention they crave and people kowtowing to their extreme behavior. After awhile of being subjected to this type of behavior most people become wise to the tactic and numb to it. Generally this type of behavior gets an employee fired.

 

[alice144]

A 1 hit wonder right? Is this person here to be a part of the community or to stir up male/female issues because she is in a community college gender equity course?

Wow, seriously? I'm looking for feedback here, not a character assault. wtf you guys.

 

[5r6jhd]

Feedback: I Don't see how your story related to sexual harassment.

Yes, I was. No, I didn't do anything about it because

1. It would stir too much shit
2. It was harmless enough we roll our eyes and be like ughhhh creep
3. I can stand up for myself

 

[alice144]

Feedback: I Don't see how your story related to sexual harassment.

You're right, bad example. I don't like talking about guys trying to grope me though. I included the story because it came under the umbrella of 'demeaning experiences' and occurred in the same workplace.

Yes, I was. No, I didn't do anything about it because

1. It would stir too much shit
2. It was harmless enough we roll our eyes and be like ughhhh creep
3. I can stand up for myself

Like you, I was never keen to stir up trouble. I think it becomes an issue when it's pervasive, it doesn't stop. I don't give a shit if some guy reads playboy at work, but if he reads playboy at work and then makes comments about the size the of the women's breasts and then compares their breasts to my breasts and does so every day, then I become unhappy and don't want to come to work anymore. It's accumulated misery.

I'm not bringing this up because I hate men and I want to stir up trouble. I believe that this is an important and often overlooked issue, and I genuinely want some sort of discussion. Making comments about how I am 'weird' or display 'rigid thinking' isn't only hurtful, but it makes me wonder whether any of you really take this stuff seriously, at all. If you were my coworker, would you behave as all my other coworkers? That bothers me.

 

[Vicarious]

@alice144

If you're looking for constructive feedback, you are going to need to divulge a little more information about what occurred. Saying that a guy "whacked me with a tube" doesn't really constitute sexual harassment, IMO. It might have been an inappropriate response, but unless he was trying to do something vulgar with it, I don't see how he was sexually harassing you. It seems as though vital information was purposely left out, I'm not saying it WAS purposeful, just that it seems that way.

Also, I agree very much with @Neverwhere 's response. I have done exactly the same because it was pretty much harmless comments, and to be honest, most of my female co-workers and yes, even I, were just as bad. I find it a little pathetic when someone cries sexual harassment over some harmless comments or without approaching the person making them and at least asking them to knock it off. I would only report it IF it made me uncomfortable and I had already discussed it with said person, yet they continued or if it was something really major, like groping or what-have-you.


Edit: Pathetic might be too harsh a word...but I can't think of a decent word to replace it. I guess you could say that I see it as tattling. Reasonable adults should be able to settle most of their differences without getting a manager involved.

 

[alice144]

I don't feel like discussing my experiences? It was really traumatic at the time, and I feel like I am up against a hostile audience. I dislike the implication that I deserve what I got because I didn't deal with the problem properly. I checked my original post again; I don't think I started this thread in order to talk about myself.

 

[5r6jhd]

I don't feel like discussing my experiences? It was really traumatic at the time, and I feel like I am up against a hostile audience. I dislike the implication that I deserve what I got because I didn't deal with the problem properly. I checked my original post again; I don't think I started this thread in order to talk about myself.

If it was traumatic and you didn't feel like talking about it or yourself, probably best not to lead in with anything about you or your experience. Just ask a flat out question in a way that does not relate to you.

You can;'t get annoyed at people bringing it up....you are the only one who worded the thread.

You could go back and edit if it makes you more comftorable.

 

[the]

Personally where I work, sexual harrassment is seen as a joke. The implication is that the woman didnt get what she wanted (pay raise, promotion, or her sexual advancement was denied) so she is using it for revenge. I have personally seen it go down that way as well. I like to keep an eye on those ladies who want to be 'one of the guys' because there always seems to be that time when she isnt in the mood to be "cool" and everything seems to be an attack on her values (values that came out of nowhere apparently).

I try to treat women I dont know as boringly as possible in the workplace, even to the point of not wishing to work with them at all. I think it is part paranoia and part CYA. My realistic-idealistic choice would be to work somewhere that woman are not involved in my workplace. It seems the mere presence of a woman causes men to lose their minds and act like fools. On the other hand I dont want to work in a prison where men prey on other men. It's almost like women need to be there to distract/bait, and take the fall to the men who cant control themselves.

Im open minded enough to entertain the thought of the legitimacy of someones sexual harrassment claim; eventually if things keep going like they have been, in a few years Im just going to write it off as bs.

I can see how whacking someone with a tube would be sexual harassment in the proper context. I dont see why everyone hates on alice all the time. Everyone is pretending to be prim and proper around here all of a sudden. The fact is you are all pervs.

 

[Tin Man]

INFJs, have you ever been sexually harrassed? How? What did you do about it?





Back in the day, at a company where I don't work anymore, I had a lot of problems. I filed three complaints in total. This was real stuff. The last time, when some dude whacked me with a tube after having a shit fit when I called him on some BS, my boss implied that I was making it up, and wouldn't even honor my request not to schedule me with him anymore. He tried to fire me a bunch of times, and finally succeeded.

What I can't figure out is if reducing women to no more than a piece of meat is acceptable within our society, or whether guys just hate to be called on it. In any case whenever I complained about it the response I got was... vindictive. People suck!






edit: No, whacking someone with a tube is not sexual harrassment. It is instead an example of someone being intentionally violent. Most of my problems have been with sexual harrassment, but environments which foster sexual harrassment seem to also foster other sorts of bad behavior;

Did you try suing the company. From everything I've seen of American TV, that ought to work. Of course you'll probably find out you have a twin and you either sexually assaulted someone or were the victim or sexual abuse.

 

[alice144]

Personally where I work, sexual harrassment is seen as a joke. The implication is that the woman didnt get what she wanted (pay raise, promotion, or her sexual advancement was denied) so she is using it for revenge.

I think that was the implication when I reported to HR. I don't disbelieve that women do just what you have described; but I really resent that it seems to be so commonplace that the bias is immediately against the woman making the claim. Those laws were created for a reason; it's depressing to see them so cynically manipulated.

Just ask a flat out question in a way that does not relate to you.

I think that I did that. Somehow it seemed more polite to give more background, though. Why all the advice?

 

[5r6jhd]

Oh my god LOL seriously??? You asked a question and then proceeded to spend most of the post talking about your personal experience (that did not clearly indicate sexual harassment) and then got frustrated when everyone asked for clarification or related their answer to you personally.

 

[5r6jhd]

I have no need to explain myself...I was pointing out the obvious and trying -to help.