Okay so quick background between my roomates (who were fiance's), who both sync up with similar interests pretty well.
Roomate #1:
I roomate currently with my older sister (she's 22yrs). Her personatlity is probably ESFJ or ENFJ - I'm not too sure. She is definably extroverted and loves having company over. She used to be an artist but decided to switch to math and science because she hated how pretentious art was in school, and loves science/finds it fascinating. So obviously, she is extremely opinionated about things. This makes me think she's a T on the surface, but she is EXTREMELY people oriented in her personal non-school/career life, and it is increadibly easy for her to get emotional (she takes anti-anxiety meds now to help, especially in light of the situation). She is quick to judge other people and go off on wild speculations about other's motives (mostly judgemental and non-reasoned in all conditions, which makes the situation 10x worse). Generally orderly, likes to be efficent, easily caught up in superficial details.
Roomate #2
He is currently not living with us, but was as of last month. He's been a fiancee to my older sis for over a year now (they agreed to finish school before getting married), and is about 30 years old. They had been together for about 4-5 years and connected EXTREMELY well, in the "perfect couple" sense. I'm going to guess he's an ESTP, or an ESFP (I'm not so good at telling this stuff). Generally likes to help people or be around them much like my sister, does NOT appear to be very logically minded in the slightest bit. However he's not much for emotion or the arts either, so that's why I think he's a T. Anyways, he liked to be good company and was studying psychology/social worker. Extremely spontanously minded, has a terrible sense of judgement and direction (both literally and figuratively). Never cleans up after himself, and doesn't understand me and my sister's efficency mindedness (i.e. he said he'd rather take a well known route to get somewhere even if he knows it takes longer). At the same time though, he has strong work ethics (or atleast used to before this mess) and MUST be punctual to everything. Very hard for me to pinpoint a MBTI, though I don't know as much about it as some of you folks.
The problem
Recently he's out of the blue decided that he doesn't want to be a fiancee anymore and moved out, while dropping out of classes (is living with a friend of ours now). This is pretty surprising because my sis and him have been together for a while now and were known to be such a great syncing couple who practiced strong communication.
He's putting on this facade of reason when it's pretty much painfully obvious from our friends and me that he's been acting really weird overall - generally going to underage drinking parties (he's 30...) when he never liked those traditionally, being a massive jerk/douche to other people (IMO to validate himself), wanting to grow out his beard so he gets sacked at his assistant manager job and just trying to force spontenaity in his life to everyone. The only people who are really being okay with this are those who are not wanting to get involved and generally acting pretty shallow twoards the whole situation in leu of their own personal lives.
An example was that he had dinner with his parents today. He's an atheiest and they are religious, but he's always been pretty good at respecting other's. However I heard from them that he acted like a massive douche, and kept basically giving himself self-entitlement pro-atheiest statements, causing his own mother to get up and walk away from the dinner (who has been pretty supportive of him and vice versa traditionally).
So basically, I figure (and so does every involved memeber in this) that he's going through a SERIOUS mid-life crisis.
My sister is obviously extremely emotionally unstable. This is probably the 10th time this month she's had a panic attack, and now that roomate #2 has decided to call her up and call her out on why she isn't being "supportive of her friends" (who are the people who I mentioned that are not getting involved and acting shallow twoards the situation) she's been crying for hours despite being on anti-anxiety meds on top of the regular stuff she already has been taking from her psychiatrist for years.
She's super judgemental of anyone who isn't 100% in support of her, and anyone who isn't 100% in support of their relationship. With a HEAVY side of emotion and rejecting reason... that doesn't align with her own quick-to-judge reasoning.
He's suddenly out of the blue been acting pretty conceited, selfish, and completely unaware of other people on a serious level, but still is deeply tied/involved with them. He's also acting like a douche most people that don't agree with him (ties in with concieted and selfish). Is only assocating with people who are 100% avoiding being involved (despite them being "good friends") and acting shallowly unaware of any problem.
Uhh... what about me?
I am, being their "roomate" obviously TRAPPED in the middle of this. I deeply care for my sister but I can't handle too much more of this and it is seriously wearing my psyche down, especailly since I am introverted and she is wanting constant reaffrimations and attention from me (this has been going on for a month mind you).
She doesn't really "process" what I say on a serious level because next time rommate #2 comes up in any kind of conversation or thought she instantly goes back to her pre-established judgments which ususally ends up going into another emotional breakdown (which while I can empathize... gets really really old after a month of this constantly...).
I have NO idea what I can do. I fear for my own mental stability because I hate this constant drama and conflict but there is nothing I can do and I can't walk away from it because she is my sister (and my roomate). And I don't want to walk away from it, but at the same time I wish this wasn't going on. I start to dread coming home from work only to hear the latest thoughts about Rommate #2, and opinons on X, X and X that she needs re-affirmed.
I feel like I have no voice and no ability to really do anything, which hits me with an insecurity that I've had running deep in me since I was young. I want to help and be able to say something to "get things right" but I dont' have enough experience with these things to really know what to do or what to say.
Any help? If there is any to give. This long post was kind of me venting, and kind of me asking for advice on what I should do since I can't really talk to anyone about this. I apologize if I sound rather selfishly minded but I hope it shows that I'm simply worn out and mentally exhausted from dealing with this day-to-day on top of work and school obligations...
Roomate #1:
I roomate currently with my older sister (she's 22yrs). Her personatlity is probably ESFJ or ENFJ - I'm not too sure. She is definably extroverted and loves having company over. She used to be an artist but decided to switch to math and science because she hated how pretentious art was in school, and loves science/finds it fascinating. So obviously, she is extremely opinionated about things. This makes me think she's a T on the surface, but she is EXTREMELY people oriented in her personal non-school/career life, and it is increadibly easy for her to get emotional (she takes anti-anxiety meds now to help, especially in light of the situation). She is quick to judge other people and go off on wild speculations about other's motives (mostly judgemental and non-reasoned in all conditions, which makes the situation 10x worse). Generally orderly, likes to be efficent, easily caught up in superficial details.
Roomate #2
He is currently not living with us, but was as of last month. He's been a fiancee to my older sis for over a year now (they agreed to finish school before getting married), and is about 30 years old. They had been together for about 4-5 years and connected EXTREMELY well, in the "perfect couple" sense. I'm going to guess he's an ESTP, or an ESFP (I'm not so good at telling this stuff). Generally likes to help people or be around them much like my sister, does NOT appear to be very logically minded in the slightest bit. However he's not much for emotion or the arts either, so that's why I think he's a T. Anyways, he liked to be good company and was studying psychology/social worker. Extremely spontanously minded, has a terrible sense of judgement and direction (both literally and figuratively). Never cleans up after himself, and doesn't understand me and my sister's efficency mindedness (i.e. he said he'd rather take a well known route to get somewhere even if he knows it takes longer). At the same time though, he has strong work ethics (or atleast used to before this mess) and MUST be punctual to everything. Very hard for me to pinpoint a MBTI, though I don't know as much about it as some of you folks.
The problem
Recently he's out of the blue decided that he doesn't want to be a fiancee anymore and moved out, while dropping out of classes (is living with a friend of ours now). This is pretty surprising because my sis and him have been together for a while now and were known to be such a great syncing couple who practiced strong communication.
He's putting on this facade of reason when it's pretty much painfully obvious from our friends and me that he's been acting really weird overall - generally going to underage drinking parties (he's 30...) when he never liked those traditionally, being a massive jerk/douche to other people (IMO to validate himself), wanting to grow out his beard so he gets sacked at his assistant manager job and just trying to force spontenaity in his life to everyone. The only people who are really being okay with this are those who are not wanting to get involved and generally acting pretty shallow twoards the whole situation in leu of their own personal lives.
An example was that he had dinner with his parents today. He's an atheiest and they are religious, but he's always been pretty good at respecting other's. However I heard from them that he acted like a massive douche, and kept basically giving himself self-entitlement pro-atheiest statements, causing his own mother to get up and walk away from the dinner (who has been pretty supportive of him and vice versa traditionally).
So basically, I figure (and so does every involved memeber in this) that he's going through a SERIOUS mid-life crisis.
My sister is obviously extremely emotionally unstable. This is probably the 10th time this month she's had a panic attack, and now that roomate #2 has decided to call her up and call her out on why she isn't being "supportive of her friends" (who are the people who I mentioned that are not getting involved and acting shallow twoards the situation) she's been crying for hours despite being on anti-anxiety meds on top of the regular stuff she already has been taking from her psychiatrist for years.
She's super judgemental of anyone who isn't 100% in support of her, and anyone who isn't 100% in support of their relationship. With a HEAVY side of emotion and rejecting reason... that doesn't align with her own quick-to-judge reasoning.
He's suddenly out of the blue been acting pretty conceited, selfish, and completely unaware of other people on a serious level, but still is deeply tied/involved with them. He's also acting like a douche most people that don't agree with him (ties in with concieted and selfish). Is only assocating with people who are 100% avoiding being involved (despite them being "good friends") and acting shallowly unaware of any problem.
Uhh... what about me?
I am, being their "roomate" obviously TRAPPED in the middle of this. I deeply care for my sister but I can't handle too much more of this and it is seriously wearing my psyche down, especailly since I am introverted and she is wanting constant reaffrimations and attention from me (this has been going on for a month mind you).
She doesn't really "process" what I say on a serious level because next time rommate #2 comes up in any kind of conversation or thought she instantly goes back to her pre-established judgments which ususally ends up going into another emotional breakdown (which while I can empathize... gets really really old after a month of this constantly...).
I have NO idea what I can do. I fear for my own mental stability because I hate this constant drama and conflict but there is nothing I can do and I can't walk away from it because she is my sister (and my roomate). And I don't want to walk away from it, but at the same time I wish this wasn't going on. I start to dread coming home from work only to hear the latest thoughts about Rommate #2, and opinons on X, X and X that she needs re-affirmed.
I feel like I have no voice and no ability to really do anything, which hits me with an insecurity that I've had running deep in me since I was young. I want to help and be able to say something to "get things right" but I dont' have enough experience with these things to really know what to do or what to say.
Any help? If there is any to give. This long post was kind of me venting, and kind of me asking for advice on what I should do since I can't really talk to anyone about this. I apologize if I sound rather selfishly minded but I hope it shows that I'm simply worn out and mentally exhausted from dealing with this day-to-day on top of work and school obligations...
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