Scrutiny On Relationships

[Bellosome]

I'm not sure if this is just me but, I get this a lot. I do it unconsciously with friends and family. They always say that they feel like I study their every move and they feel like they were doing something wrong when they aren't really doing anything.

But just last night, my SO told me that he feels like he always has to prove his love when he obviously goes out of his way to show it to me and make me feel it. (he's an INTJ which clearly, everyone knows that they aren't much showy with their feelings but he does to me, sometimes too much)

Is this normal for INFJs? I know of the long time for us to trust and open up.. but this? I feel like I'm not being fair to them.

 

[sassafras]

I think you gotta ask yourself if you really *are* watching them like a hawk, reading into their every move, looking for some sign of dissent or betrayal. Then you gotta ask yourself what trust really means to you in a relationship. Either you trust the people you're with or you don't. Have any of these people ever given you reason to doubt them? If they haven't given you a reason, then yep, you're being unfair and need to take a closer look at managing your insecurities. If they have given you a reason, it's time to evaluate the relationship. Have they changed or is this an ongoing issue? Was it a fluke/misunderstanding? Are you holding onto old wounds? Was the issue at hand enough reason to color your every day with them? Is this something you need to talk about? etc

 

[Bellosome]

I think you gotta ask yourself if you really *are* watching them like a hawk, reading into their every move, looking for some sign of dissent or betrayal. Then you gotta ask yourself what trust really means to you in a relationship. Either you trust the people you're with or you don't. Have any of these people ever given you reason to doubt them? If they haven't given you a reason, then yep, you're being unfair and need to take a closer look at managing your insecurities. If they have given you a reason, it's time to evaluate the relationship. Have they changed or is this an ongoing issue? Was it a fluke/misunderstanding? Are you holding onto old wounds? Was the issue at hand enough reason to color your every day with them? Is this something you need to talk about? etc

i really don't think i watch them like a hawk. i do tend to stare, but not really observing. i just look like i do. :/

 

[sassafras]

i really don't think i watch them like a hawk. i do tend to stare, but not really observing. i just look like i do. :/

I meant in the context of them feeling like they're doing something wrong/not doing enough to make you feel appreciated. Do you ever catch yourself looking for signs that you're not loved or wondering if these people do care for you? If you get it ' a lot' from different people, might be something to it. Make a conscious effort to keep track of and write down your negative thoughts for 2-3 days and see if there are pattern. You're communicating *something* with your physiology. Usually its informed by our subconscious expectations