Romantic attraction to our shadow type | INFJ Forum

Romantic attraction to our shadow type

rainrise

Community Member
Mar 21, 2009
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MBTI
INFJ
i realize that ENTPs are theoretically our best compatible relationship match since we share iNtuition and complement each other in the other functions, but i cannot help wonder why some of us are attracted to the ESTP, which also happens to be the type that manifests as our shadow?

we likely experience our shadow side in unhealthy states, so how is it that we are attracted to the same workings of that state in someone else even though they normalize them healthily? is it because they are a positive embodiment of our worst side, apt at the weakest of our four main functions that we find them attractive?

this question of being attracted to your shadow type can apply for any MBTI type actually.

(of course, it is worth mentioning that anyone can be attracted to anyone and that two individuals with well developed functions can work well regardless of type.)

side note:
i know attraction is hard to explain in a linear matter-of-fact way and sometimes the best explanation is left to the heart. yet, this puzzled me because our complete opposite likely operates on a totally different plane than us and true communication is often strained.
 
INFJ & ESTP

I read something interesting about this.
It shows that INFJ and ESTP are not OPPOSITES- it is actually an INVERSE relationship:


[SIZE=+1]ESTP --- INFJ[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]If I compare these two type codes of ESTP and INFJ, it seems apparent to anyone that these are "opposites" simply because they have no letters in common. It seems like a safe assumption. However, if I extend the diagram so it reflects the entire pattern of all eight cognitive processes, what do you notice? [/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]ESTP =[/SIZE][SIZE=+1] Se[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Ni[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Ti[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Fe[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1](shadow process: Si[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Ne[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Te[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Fi )[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]INFJ =[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Fe[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Ti[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Ni[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Se[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]( shadow process: Fi[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Te[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Ne[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]Si )[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Beebe classifies this mismatched pairing as an "inverse relationship" because the order of preferences are the same albeit inverted with one another. The favorite process of the ESTP is the inferior process of the INFJ, and vice-versa. The order of processes "mirror" one another, both on the top and on the bottom. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Using Jungian terms, Beebe states that in this combination, each partner will "cradle" the other's anima/animus "gently." (Ooh, that phrase makes me swoon!) In other words, due to the strengths and weaknesses inherent in this particular combination, each partner will have buckets of patience with their mate's inferior process, or "inferiority complex." (This sounds like a lovely and highly desirable quality to have!)
[/SIZE]

[SIZE=+1]
[/SIZE]
http://www.infj.com/INFJ_Relationships.htm :m015:


[SIZE=+1]I have dated an ESTP for over 3 years, and although things have been rocky and not always perfect- we really are a pretty great match.[/SIZE]


[SIZE=+1]We make a really good partnership, because we both have such different strengths. And we both can celebrate our uniqueness with each other.
[/SIZE]



I think it's important to realize that relationships aren't just supposed to make us happy- they can be something that pushes us to grow. And in my relationship we have helped each other to grow a lot.



Plus- different people want different things in a relationship. Not all INFJs are the same- NOT BY A LONG SHOT.


^_^


 
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p.s.

However I do agree that TRUE communication and understanding can be difficult.
I think it is a S/N thing.
 
My best friend is ESTP :D There are a lot of ups and downs, but it's definitely doable.
 
From: http://www.geocities.com/lifexplore/infj.htm The oracular INFJ may opt for the inventive ENTP, but also may go for a different kind of contrary, namely the ESTP. The ESTP and ENTP, to the casual observer, look pretty much alike. Charming, suave, urbane, humorous, witty, fantastically easy to approach, venturesome, even reckless. But one is out to invent, the other to promote; this is no small difference. It takes an inventor to make a mousetrap, it takes a promoter to make an enterprise. To succeed, the promoter has to be, in the best sense of the word, a con artist. He must be able to get people's confidence. Now why would a meaning-giver INFJ be intrigued by an entrepreneur ESTP? Because he wants to help the entrepreneur find his soul and his significance in the scheme of things. Similarly, why is the INFJ attracted to ENTP? Because he wishes to rescue this iconoclast from his seeming folly (and let's face it, most inventions are abortive, or still-born).

There is your answer.
 
I would rather date someone who is kind of like me but not too much like me. It's like hanging out with yourself 24/7.
 
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I would rather date someon who is kind of like me but not too much like me. It's like hanging out with yourself 24/7.

I'd rather be special. ^_^
Plus- if my shnookums was too much like me then we would get along too much. Then I would never be challenged- and never forced to grow.
I enjoy being comfy- but I choose to do what I think will benefit me and the other person.
And that is growth.
 
A romantic relationship with an ESTP would NEVER work for me. As friends, I can deal if they are intellient and respect me. I am friends with one ESTP, at times she drives me nuts, but she does have some really good things about her.
 
Well I do LOVE my ESTP boy- but sometimes I think about suffocating him while he sleeps.

But that's normal- right?
 
A romantic relationship with an ESTP would NEVER work for me. As friends, I can deal if they are intellient and respect me. I am friends with one ESTP, at times she drives me nuts, but she does have some really good things about her.

yeah i can't see myself in a relationship with an ESTP either, despite being attracted to them. we won't be able to stand each other.
 
Do E's admire I's?

My long term relationships have been with I's, and I can't really imagine the alternative. I can see why I might be attracted to an E: they are gifted with a way to reaching out to the world that I don't have. But I can't see how it would go the other way. Can someone explain why an E would be attracted to an I?
 
My long term relationships have been with I's, and I can't really imagine the alternative. I can see why I might be attracted to an E: they are gifted with a way to reaching out to the world that I don't have. But I can't see how it would go the other way. Can someone explain why an E would be attracted to an I?

Easy! its great to be happy in your own company for long periods of time, nearly 90% of my waking hours I want to be interacting with people. Some extroverts only need to interact with 1 person at a time, so by having a homely introverted partner it is easier for us to stay in our own 4 walls as oppose to going out all the time, we do have a limited amount of energy like all humans ! That's my theory,Ive gone out with other extraverts and the same thing always happens, just not enough home life! its all go,go
 
Es and Is are good at talking with each other b/c one talks and the other listens. If you have 2 of both then it's kind of nuts.

I have a friend who's an ESTP, she's really funny and I really respect her! If someone says they don't like something about her, she'll say this :m091:

She can always make me laugh and we can relate to each other sort of well. I feel like great with her though we aren't too close though, as in best friends or anything, just good friends.