Thank you for sharing, it helps me to see different situations
I'm glad I'm not alone!
Clinging on to what your version of right is will always bridge a gap between you and people in your life. To me this says that you do not trust other people's judgement of you or how they feel about a circumstance. Perhaps some part of you believes that a conflict or their opinion on something will change their view of you entirely and ruin your friendship and arguing against that forcefully trying to "re-set" the relationship to how it was before the conflict arose. Who knows. I could be wrong.
I can tell you that when you try to argue people out of how they feel they automatically will trust you less and will learn they can't talk to you about things. Getting into this pattern is a good way to ensure you will never have long term successful relationships. I understand the feeling of eagerness that arises when an argument or debate is boiling but salivating over the potential for conflict and then getting carried away is a really good way to reinforce what you already think you know about what people think about you.
I guess in the end your behaviour is its own self fulfilling prophecy. You see the pattern in what you are doing. I am curious as to what steps you plan to take to curb it and refine how you deal with things?
I can tell you that when you try to argue people out of how they feel they automatically will trust you less and will learn they can't talk to you about things. Getting into this pattern is a good way to ensure you will never have long term successful relationships. I understand the feeling of eagerness that arises when an argument or debate is boiling but salivating over the potential for conflict and then getting carried away is a really good way to reinforce what you already think you know about what people think about you.
I guess in the end your behaviour is its own self fulfilling prophecy. You see the pattern in what you are doing. I am curious as to what steps you plan to take to curb it and refine how you deal with things?
I usually dont think conflicts really exist for me unless they touch a conviction. (aka injustice, or hitting women, or lying) ...for the most part lots of people share their povs and I am an open person I really dont care what their perspective is on most things they can think or believe whatever they want, it wont effect me. Now if someone is trying to convince me of something or change how I think or feel about something I will do one of 2 things.
1st I will most likely just agree in a fake way so that they will shut up and move on. this is an external thing and it means little to my internal core of beliefs. I wlll agree on the outside and just disregard them on the inside. no harm nor foul at all.
2nd if they hit a conviction or say or think something thats an injustice.
oh boy they better watch out.... classic INFJ hulking out! I will basically take the "debate" to an emotional level of what is JUST and right. and at that point the person either has freaked out cause they have never seen that part of me, which goes from being a passive sheep to a fucking MONSTER that is willing to die for what he believes in.
usually they either drop it cause they had no clue who they were messing with or they try to maintain the logic stance which doesn't work at that point because I will basically say....
"there is no god in heaven nor demon in hell that will change my conviction"
i have yet to meet someone who could deal with that level of intensity
I do believe that conflicts can be healthy but most people dont know how too do this. it usually is about winning and losing. imposing a will upon someone and controlling another. I also think that sometimes in a conflict you should just shut up, and accept how someone is feeling VS defending yourself or stating a reason as too WHY you acted in a certain way. Is it really that hard to simply accept how another feels? and accept how your actions influenced it? regardless of Intent regardless of misunderstanding...
oh thats another core conviction I have
Feelings are real. and they should never be disregarded simply because they are not logical.
1st I will most likely just agree in a fake way so that they will shut up and move on. this is an external thing and it means little to my internal core of beliefs. I wlll agree on the outside and just disregard them on the inside. no harm nor foul at all.
2nd if they hit a conviction or say or think something thats an injustice.
oh boy they better watch out.... classic INFJ hulking out! I will basically take the "debate" to an emotional level of what is JUST and right. and at that point the person either has freaked out cause they have never seen that part of me, which goes from being a passive sheep to a fucking MONSTER that is willing to die for what he believes in.
usually they either drop it cause they had no clue who they were messing with or they try to maintain the logic stance which doesn't work at that point because I will basically say....
"there is no god in heaven nor demon in hell that will change my conviction"
i have yet to meet someone who could deal with that level of intensity
I do believe that conflicts can be healthy but most people dont know how too do this. it usually is about winning and losing. imposing a will upon someone and controlling another. I also think that sometimes in a conflict you should just shut up, and accept how someone is feeling VS defending yourself or stating a reason as too WHY you acted in a certain way. Is it really that hard to simply accept how another feels? and accept how your actions influenced it? regardless of Intent regardless of misunderstanding...
oh thats another core conviction I have
Feelings are real. and they should never be disregarded simply because they are not logical.
Conflicts are usually started by one person. I call it an attack of sorts. Many know to de-escalate things so they won't get out of hand. I have been attacked verbally and facially so many times, I usually try to talk it down. I am not avoiding conflict, as I may be bothered for days because I did not address it right then. One phrase I do not like is, "Why do we hurt the ones we love the most?" WHAT?
It is not good to get me all riled up, anyway. I think the stronger of the two should try and let it go, rather than exploding all over someone you care about. The conflict has now become a personal, internal conflict within myself.
I must add we cannot communicate with some people, at least when they have lost it.
It is not good to get me all riled up, anyway. I think the stronger of the two should try and let it go, rather than exploding all over someone you care about. The conflict has now become a personal, internal conflict within myself.
I must add we cannot communicate with some people, at least when they have lost it.
