Rejection of the INFJ
- Thread starter Zelda
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I was rejected at an early age by my family because of my sexual orientation. It destroyed me back then however it's also made me stronger in depending on myself. I still struggle with my family, as they are not good accepting people, though these days I know what it is to be human and what I can do for myself by finding others who do accept me. The opinion of others is that I have grown up fairly quickly, though I'm sure other INFJ's hear that all the time too.
I wouldn't wish my past of learning how to accept that rejection on anyone. These days I have found that dealing with reject, the blow of it can be softened by the company you keep. People need each other, we are social animals. This does not mean accept everyone even those who drive you nuts, just find a group of people you enjoy and keep them around.
I wouldn't wish my past of learning how to accept that rejection on anyone. These days I have found that dealing with reject, the blow of it can be softened by the company you keep. People need each other, we are social animals. This does not mean accept everyone even those who drive you nuts, just find a group of people you enjoy and keep them around.
It depends a lot on my level of investment, if I have invested time effort and emotion in something and someone, I expect to be mutually appreciated.
It bothers me when people are all take and no give.
Being rejected after giving and being all used up by someone is the worst I'd say.
Being rejected in an easy come, easy go manner where there is no emotional investment, not so much.
We are kind, and we are givers, but we aren't doormats.
It bothers me when people are all take and no give.
Being rejected after giving and being all used up by someone is the worst I'd say.
Being rejected in an easy come, easy go manner where there is no emotional investment, not so much.
We are kind, and we are givers, but we aren't doormats.
This! also I would add emotionally despondent for a few days as well and depending on the situation it could lead to rage.
[MENTION=10252]say what[/MENTION] I think its funny how resilient we can be. Every time I hear someone say that I am it's like they say it in aw, like I'm inhuman lol... and [MENTION=7970]Love_Conquers_All[/MENTION] I definitely agree with the rage thing, holy cow do I agree with the rage thing lol... >.>
I was rejected by my family, except for my brother and sister. But my mom and my dad treat me like shit. My mom systematically used to ignore me for years at a time. I used to sit in my room and listen to her talk shit about me to my siblings. Her favorite thing to call me was a creep and laugh at me whenever I tried to talk. She used to make up lies about me to other family members to make me appear as a horrible person. As I got older I realized there was nothing wrong with me, my mom was the one with issues and for some reason she wanted to convince me there was something inherently wrong with me. As a result I just wonder around, I find love everywhere I go but I wish I was close to someone. So when it comes to rejection, well... it depends. The kind of rejection that hurts the most comes from people I start to believe are my "family", and then I realize they don't love me at all. So I am wondering around trying to find a family that I'm not sure I'll ever find. Whenever I call a friend and they don't instantly call me back or answer the phone, I start immediately assuming they think I'm a fucking creep or something. I start to think all my friends are talking shit about me. Then they call me back and much of my insecurities diminish. But it doesn't matter how much they prove they are my friend, if they aren't there at a seconds notice, I instantly start thinking the worst. So I've been finding lately it's easier to make friends with strangers and let them see only the surface. But yeah... I guess in conclusion. I don't handle rejection well. And I have an issue with assuming I'm being rejected.
I tend to take the "high road" as quickly as possible, believing that they have missed out on something.
I don't handle rejection well.
I don't handle rejection well.
[MENTION=9054]BrightWhiteHeart[/MENTION] you count as much as any of us 
Lol and it's cute that you asked.
Lol and it's cute that you asked.
im sad but it doesnt consume me; i recognise that something has ended and i move on. it wasnt always this way, but i learned it. people have different relationship needs that change over time and sometimes our needs are no longer compatible. maybe they never were that compatible in the first place.
I have noticed in my life that I tend to take society as an anthropological experiment where occasionally I make friends holding them on the same level as lab rats. I think most of my life I have been misunderstood, shunned, and simply left alone so I adapted to that existence. I'm unaware of ever thinking it would be different and I've grown to be apathetic on the outside whilst maintaining passionate empathy on the inside. I rarely show it. The times I opened up have been in certain instances of "love" - my idea of love is ever evasive and always will be - only to discover that I was being used for a bit of cat and mouse. In that type of rejection, I have brood over why I'm not acceptable in society and what I did wrong. I'm never able to blame the other person or see it as a clash of personalities. Maybe that's my bipolar I talking or simply being INFJ. It can tear me up right down to my DNA and I never quite get over it, I just become me plus the failures. At 38 years old, I'm finding that I understand this world really is Escher's glass ball and I merely an observer on the outside looking in. Though that might sound depressing - God my vocab is on hiatus today - it's actually quite wonderful because my perspective allows for certain perceptions that might go missed if I were in the chaos. Personally, rejection is what you define it to be utilizing your own ideals and implementing them into your life experience. Rejection occurs, I think when we expect an outside source to define us or fulfill or give answers; but when we look to ourselves to accomplish these things rejection ceases to exist. Just a thought and I apologize for my ramblings, need more coffee.
I don't really open up or put myself in the line of fire really so when it happens I don't feel it. But if I do open up, it hurts insanely so. and if I opened my heart to the person and loved them and tried my best, it seriously fucks with me forever. I seriously think I will be haunted for the rest of my life by my last connection. It's haunting me for a variety of reasons, not all in my head. and. I'm not quite sure I could open up like that again even though it made me aware of my own emotional unavailability (and my need to overcome that in order to connect with more people). But the deepest parts of my heart as in open for falling in love. I'm just not sure I can do that again. I'm just too old for that type of hope. I'm in the process of just coming to terms with things as they are, going headstrong on making money and career oriented things, ensuring my son has a quality life and becoming a cougar so I can make up for all the years of frustration. LOL! Seriously. A close friend of mine just divorced and she's involved with this kid who is 22. she's 32. She made some really good points I can't really argue. Most of wish I'm too bashful to say and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. The fact she's an ENTP makes this entire situation or tornado in my head, ironic. seriously. It's gonna be a weird year. I'm still recovering from being rejected to be honest from someone who was the only mind mate type of connection I've ever had. as in "in sync". It was crazy. I am still completely shocked at his incapacity to respond maturely and resolve things so we could have parted ways amicably. Ugh .. I just don't think I can be rejected like that ever again and I'm only now getting over the embarrassment of me trying to be strong and push through it as opposed to feel it. That was just absurd and I totally went off the deep end in attempts to handle it gracefully. How does one handle it gracefully anyways ? (in love like circumstances) ? I'm only now allowing my sense of humor to come back after confronting serious introspection. Most of which is just silly and childish to take the edge off of all the serious in life .. super brutal shit. I can't even believe I'm still here.
LOL! Seriously. A close friend of mine just divorced and she's involved with this kid who is 22. she's 32. She made some really good points I can't really argue. Most of wish I'm too bashful to say and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. The fact she's an ENTP makes this entire situation or tornado in my head, ironic. seriously. It's gonna be a weird year. I'm still recovering from being rejected to be honest from someone who was the only mind mate type of connection I've ever had. as in "in sync". It was crazy. I am still completely shocked at his incapacity to respond maturely and resolve things so we could have parted ways amicably. Ugh .. I just don't think I can be rejected like that ever again and I'm only now getting over the embarrassment of me trying to be strong and push through it as opposed to feel it. That was just absurd and I totally went off the deep end in attempts to handle it gracefully. How does one handle it gracefully anyways ? (in love like circumstances) ? I'm only now allowing my sense of humor to come back after confronting serious introspection. Most of which is just silly and childish to take the edge off of all the serious in life .. super brutal shit. I can't even believe I'm still here.
I knew I was different. I don't know if it's the case of me separating myself from others, or if others really feel the need to use me and push me away. Or even maybe a shallow mutual understanding. Anyhow, rejection is often part of it. But as an Infj, I avoid it as much as I can. But my feelings get in the way and even, at times, I reject myself for being not perfect enough.
In handling rejection, I distant myself from the world and I try to hold myself together without distractions. I stay distant until all frustrations, anger, and other powerful negative feelings are packed away and controlled. And then I reflect. In some cases, small rejections can be life-changing; and some are just psychologically draining.
In handling rejection, I distant myself from the world and I try to hold myself together without distractions. I stay distant until all frustrations, anger, and other powerful negative feelings are packed away and controlled. And then I reflect. In some cases, small rejections can be life-changing; and some are just psychologically draining.
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Thank you everyone for your insights so far. There is no one way you all deal with it, seems all over the board. For me, I tend to get over it in time, usually not too long. But a piece of it is always with me, as some of you have said. I can sympathize with everyone's responses and gain a fuller perspective. It's also a lot harder/humiliating when you have to see the person who rejected you daily.
I don't do well with rejection at all. I really try to avoid it - which I think hurts most when I try to date and meet people; I'm a bit too scared to really put myself out there sometimes. In other areas of my life I'm used to bits of rejection here and there and I usually don't dwell on it too much, I don't like to be surrounded by the negativity. Just really effects my dating life. :[
I either get extremely removed from the person and/or the matter at hand, or extremely hurt. I usually put everything that I have into what I do, and when I'm rejected on that basis, I can take it very harshly. I'm working on getting better at not taking it too seriously, and I think that I've gotten better at handling rejection. It's an art.
I think that it is the worst to be rejected by a parent- especially in such an emotionally abusive way. Sometimes when that first love is denied, it's hard to accept other peoples love later, because somehow, it's still never enough. I'm sorry to hear that Chulo.
Rejection depresses me like hell. Normally there would be close friends to relieve the pain. BUt sometimes, when they are just unavailable, it really kills me inside.
I always help people, but most of the don't appreciate me, because maybe I am a party pooper. But at the end of the day, when it comes to the important things, I am always correct, and that bothers so many people around me.
I hate life
I always help people, but most of the don't appreciate me, because maybe I am a party pooper. But at the end of the day, when it comes to the important things, I am always correct, and that bothers so many people around me.
I hate life