Do you ever feel like your soul is reaching out for an answer to a question that you aren't aware of? Like it's deeper and more complex than you can describe or what you can comprehend with your mind? It's more of a feeling...a soulful prayer in the form of emotions that don't have words. I find myself longing for some kind of divine wisdom or contact. I feel so out of touch.
I feel it everyday Naleena and it gets stronger and stronger but I guess I'm just too coward to listen to it. I know if I listen to these voices they will tell me what to do, I just don't know who is right anymore, sometimes I question my own values and morals because they don't make sense and I want them to. Like you say everything I feel inside are just emotions, not any emotions(anger, hate,happiness, disgust) but a more intense one that is not even a word. When I see people die or about to die I wonder if that's how they saw themselves their lives were going to be. The fragility of a human being is so pathetic that I feel pity when I kill a fly or a roach and say that we share the same humanistic fate, we are as fragile as they are. Anyone can come to my house and kill me this instant just like that and I can't do a damn thing about it. I do not fear death but I do fear ignorance. We are all so weak, we depend on so many things such as oxygen, water, food and all other things. We don't contribute anything to mother Earth we are just destroying it. Even worse,
I'm not contributing anything to mother Earth
I'm just destroying it. No one else should be responsible of their own fate but oneself. I keep blaming other people of my own wrongdoings but it is in me who decides, I'm my own God in a sense. I'm capable of manipulating my own body and do terrible or incredible things. My mind is a tool that this God(myself) is using to affect my surroundings and this body's choices. I have the power to pick a gun and end life including my own. I have the power to be ignorant if I chose to. But who the fuck is "me"? The body that I'm manipulating or "God"?
My conclusion is this one. I want to change the world? LMAO who gives a fuck! The world doesn't want to be changed. Many people have died trying. Will I change the world? Of course I will because those people who died trying died with a smile on their lips because they weren't doing it for others, they were doing it for themselves.
Back to topic hem hem, So Naleena, yes I agree with what you're saying