Questions about functions regarding problem solving

[Ria]

I've been wondering about a few things and thought I'd start a thread with my asking some questions. Basically, I am wanting feedback about what things mean by way of how I am using my functions:

I often go through spells of social withdrawal that can last a few days to a few months. This is usually due to stress in life, and any friendships seem to feel forced and like obligations where I am there more for the other person so as they don't feel rejected by me. My feelings don't change for the people whom I love in my life, just the degree of energy I lose seems to be higher even in tiny social inraments when I am stressed and busy.

I need to figure this out as to why it happens because there is a repeated pattern of others becoming upset and annoyed with me for this, but I can't seem to fit regular social time in with friends most of the time...

While examining my need to self examine, I am reminded that while I am doing this to get results of self improvement, I am often times ending up neglecting thinking about other more important things. The problems happen because I need to sort out the core things (dynamics) so I can recieve and respond to my outer world in a healthy way. So, why am I spinning in circles in my head and still not moving forward with anything in my life outside of myself?

I'm stuck and wondering if anyone can explain what is happening as far as functions go. If I could understand this, then I could try something new. Does anyone else go through this type of thing? Also, I fear posting this thread because I wonder if I am driving other members nuts with my worries and questions. I am posting it anyways, just because I can't stop this need to understand what's happening so I can solve my social problems and live better.

 

[Ria]

Examples:

Not responding to PM's in a timely manner.

Turning down social invitations,

Unable to see the future as clearly as I'd normally do with some degree of intuition,

At a loss for words, while interracting with people lately.

Most of the reason of why I cannot seem to respond to PM and be social right now, is due to just not having a social drive to interract, despite wanting to connect and share conversation etc.


One thought on this, is that it's not easy being an extreme introvert in a largely extroverted world. The demands to perform with excellence is high, and I don't mind this as I put this expectation on myself, yet it works against me for the most part. So, I suppose to a large degree, Introversion is a big reason.

... and, I'll probably just end up figuring this out on my own as I further reflect on what I post.

 

[Exits]

I'm not a cognitive functions guru, so I can't explain it -- I can only say that I go through those spells as well where I seemingly just need to hit a big off switch on the world. I'd love some insight on it too, as periods of withdrawal are mentioned in more than one INFJ summary I've read, and they definitely have lasting negative effects on relations. I'd actually be happy to be rid of these little hermitage funks if I could isolate what the trigger was or how to get out of them faster.

 

[Norton]

I'm an extreme introvert, and shy, too. I used to force myself to interact with others and be socially outgoing largely for business reasons. I did it but hated it. I'm older now, financially secure, and don't feel the need to overcome my introversion. So, I give in to my true nature and avoid unnecessary social interaction. What a relief! I avoid phone calls, parties and the like. My wife is planning an "open house" this spring and I'm dreading it. She tells me that I'll be busy getting drinks, replenishing food, etc. so it won't be so bad. I actually look forward to the clean up when everyone is gone.

 

[Ria]

Exits, I'm sorry you struggle with this too, and yea you're right, it does have negative effects on relationships for sure.

Norton, as usual I smile when I read your posts; I like the cleaning up part too ...

My stomache has been in knots about if I should post this thread because I'm exposing this stuff and how I'm feeling about it. But, it's a way to get some feedback for this problem, as there is someone in particular in my life who claims that due to this, I am difficult to trust and this really bothers me. So yea, I don't want to turn this into an emotional support thread, I just want to find out if this is a normal issue for us, why I do it and what I can do to change it. So in short, I'm looking for answers and strategy in the form of functions so I can understand it better etc.

 

[jn56uytrx]

It sounds introverted to me, and yes, it is an experience I am very familiar with, both within myself and with others I have engaged with (typically introverts). I don't know what functions specifically would be involved, but I'll venture anything ending with "i"?

In my experience, there is a sense of understanding among those I engage with like this. I don't get bent out of shape if I don't hear from them for a long time and I hope they will still be OK with me if they don't hear from me for a long time. Though I admit, I do tend to have a little anxiety about re-entering relationship with a needy force if during my period of withdrawal I realize I need connection NOW. Other than that, there's usually a fairly easy slide away and then back together among the people I know like this.

I have to admit I've been surprised by the degree of apology I've seen on this forum for that need to withdraw.

I think for introverts there is only so much interaction we can take before we need to recharge. Period. If there's a lot of other demands on our energy, like family or work, then the amount of energy we have available for other desired relationships may be less than we'd wish.

If you're spinning around right now focusing on issues of self, then I think that's an indication those issues are very important to your well-being right now. My sense is that what you most need is to give yourself permission to care for you.

 

[Ria]

It sounds introverted to me, and yes, it is an experience I am very familiar with, both within myself and with others I have engaged with (typically introverts). I don't know what functions specifically would be involved, but I'll venture anything ending with "i"?

In my experience, there is a sense of understanding among those I engage with like this. I don't get bent out of shape if I don't hear from them for a long time and I hope they will still be OK with me if they don't hear from me for a long time. Though I admit, I do tend to have a little anxiety about re-entering relationship with a needy force if during my period of withdrawal I realize I need connection NOW. Other than that, there's usually a fairly easy slide away and then back together among the people I know like this.

I have to admit I've been surprised by the degree of apology I've seen on this forum for that need to withdraw.

I think for introverts there is only so much interaction we can take before we need to recharge. Period. If there's a lot of other demands on our energy, like family or work, then the amount of energy we have available for other desired relationships may be less than we'd wish.

If you're spinning around right now focusing on issues of self, then I think that's an indication those issues are very important to your well-being right now. My sense is that what you most need is to give yourself permission to care for you.

Yes, this person has extremely high Fi, and that's why it's bothering them. I live with an ISTP boyfriend, have two kids and the oldest having mild Asbergers syndrom plus I work during the day and my bf works shift work too, so it's hard to plan time for visits. I gotta keep up with all of them, and be the "organizer" in our lives, lol.

 

[Questingpoet]

I'm glad you got some answers on this thread too Ria. I put my reply on your blog. Hearts my friend! <3

 

[Gaze]

I have to admit I've been surprised by the degree of apology I've seen on this forum for that need to withdraw.

I think for introverts there is only so much interaction we can take before we need to recharge. Period. If there's a lot of other demands on our energy, like family or work, then the amount of energy we have available for other desired relationships may be less than we'd wish.

If you're spinning around right now focusing on issues of self, then I think that's an indication those issues are very important to your well-being right now. My sense is that what you most need is to give yourself permission to care for you.

Agree.