Prove it . . .

[Gaze]

This is likely a "yes" question, for most, but I think everyone experiences it to differing degrees, but I'm interested to see how it plays out for everyone in their experience.

This is not a request for personal advice, just a chance for INFJs to share their experience with this topic. I recommend that everyone avoids giving advice, but instead describe their own experiences and what has worked for them.

Do you often find that you're having to constantly prove yourself to everyone, professionally, personally, socially, because of type or personal characteristics more than other types or personalities? Do people constantly put you in a box, define you as one thing, and then try to convince you that you are more or less than what they perceive? Do you find that as much as you're confident in yourself, most will think you're not unless you do something to prove it? Give examples if you can.

How do you handle this, apart from the typical "I am so confident, I don't let what anyone thinks affect me." (I tend to people please, and not because I want people to like me, but because I'm in a position where people's opinion of me counts in terms of job requirements and expectations, so any response which begins with, "I do whatever, doesn't matter what other people think, is highly impractical" (at least in my situation). I can be completely comfortable, relaxed, being myself, and yet someone thinks something must be wrong, or personality-wise people think you're not working hard enough at the job because you are not exerting enough extraverted energy. In other words, you must perform constantly to make everyone think everything is good, and your doing ok. It's highly exhausting.

 

[Naxx]

This is likely a "yes" question, for most, but I think everyone experiences it to differing degrees, but I'm interested to see how it plays out for specifically in everyone's experience.

Do you often find that you're having to constantly prove yourself to everyone, professionally, personally, socially, because of type or personal characteristics? Do people constantly put you in a box, define you as one thing, and then try to convince you that you are more or less than what they perceive? Do you find that as much as you're confident in yourself, most will think you're not unless you do something to prove it? Give examples if you can.

How do you handle this, apart from the typical "I am so confident, I don't let what anyone thinks affect me." (I tend to people please, and not because I want people to like me, but because I'm in a position where people's opinion of me counts in terms of job requirements and expectations, so any response which begins with, "I do whatever, doesn't matter what other people think, is highly impractical" (at least in my situation). I can be completely comfortable, relaxed, being myself, and yet someone thinks something must be wrong, or personality-wise people think you're not working hard enough at at the job because you are not exerting enough extraverted energy. In other words, you must perform constantly to make everyone think everything is ok. It's exhausting.

This world is a highly technocratic world where it is expected for everyone to specialize in something, so this is not amazing. I suggest finding something you enjoy (or at least not hate or cause you grief)and you excel at to meet not only the requirements of this technocratic world but also your own freedom.

Ask yourself if your situation will ever change if you continue your current path. Then ask what you can do to change your situation towards your own vision. You don't have to do a 180 but start making little changes, they'll open doors to other choices you'll be able to make.

The power is basically yours, no one will give you your freedom. You'll have to get that yourself.

 

[AUM]

From my own experience I've always thought of myself as a confident individual but other's have sometimes portrayed me as weak since I don't exhibit strong, dominant and macho-like qualities on the outside. My self-confidence is portrayed more towards myself when I'm trying to be the best I can be, going above my expectations and doing anything I can to be successful. Unfortunely, my idea of success is not seen as so to most of my family or friends. They think that "scoring" the best babe, earning lots of money and showing them who's boss are the qualities to be successful should be. Mine are completely different, I want to be successful to understand myself to the highest degree, being in peace and wanting to help people. So while my mom says " you gotta finish college so you can buy yourself a big house and cool car" I say " I gotta finish college so I can know more about the world and with that help it in some way."

 

[Gaze]

From my own experience I've always thought of myself as a confident individual but other's have sometimes portrayed me as weak since I don't exhibit strong, dominant and macho-like qualities on the outside. My self-confidence is portrayed more towards myself when I'm trying to be the best I can be, going above my expectations and doing anything I can to be successful. Unfortunely, my idea of success is not seen as so to most of my family or friends. They think that "scoring" the best babe, earning lots of money and showing them who's boss are the qualities to be successful should be. Mine are completely different, I want to be successful to understand myself to the highest degree, being in peace and wanting to help people. So while my mom says " you gotta finish college so you can buy yourself a big house and cool car" I say " I gotta finish college so I can know more about the world and with that help it in some way."

Thanks for responding. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about.

 

[Puck]

Yes.. for years and years I've been striving to show people I'm not what they thought on their first impression, but lately I gave up. Not deliberately. Just, you know what - fuck it. I can't be bothered anymore. If people don't like me, well they don't, and that's that. It's a relief leaving them with their opinion and minding my own business.

 

[the]

My first impressions are usually better than I really am so I just "say nothing" as Mark Twain advised me.

 

[Gaze]

Yes.. for years and years I've been striving to show people I'm not what they thought on their first impression, but lately I gave up. Not deliberately. Just, you know what - fuck it. I can't be bothered anymore. If people don't like me, well they don't, and that's that. It's a relief leaving them with their opinion and minding my own business.

I'm starting to dig this approach lately.

 

[Ecton]

These days I'm into this as well. Pretty much my whole life people have told me to try the opposite of what I'm doing.

be an artist
be an engineer
try harder to be logical
don't be so logical.

They like to put me in a box and then declare that I am the opposite of them.

I've basically just learned that people read me as the opposite of themselves.

 

[Blind Bandit]

Yes.. for years and years I've been striving to show people I'm not what they thought on their first impression, but lately I gave up. Not deliberately. Just, you know what - fuck it. I can't be bothered anymore. If people don't like me, well they don't, and that's that. It's a relief leaving them with their opinion and minding my own business.

Pretty much. People don't care who you are only that you fit what they expect from you. I've stopped trying as it seems some people won't budge and don't really want to know me.

My family is horrible about this. You have to prove everything into a concrete detailed idea which is not easy. And some like my mom still won't consider you an authority and so your wrong even if your right. Because you don't have enough clout.

These days I'm into this as well. Pretty much my whole life people have told me to try the opposite of what I'm doing.

be an artist
be an engineer
try harder to be logical
don't be so logical.

They like to put me in a box and then declare that I am the opposite of them.

I've basically just learned that people read me as the opposite of themselves.

So true, people don't read you they read what they want to see and hear. Its taken me a hell of long time to understand this.

 

[Ecton]

You know, I just remembers that when I was in middle school, I used to walk over to the high school to take a geometry class. The teacher said I didn't belong there and I would fail. He basically said "prove it." At the end of the year he pulled me aside to apologize (I got a 100% on the state exam.) He was a dignified guy. Far fewer people have ever came back and acknowledge me after I had "proved it."

 

[Reon]

Yes.. for years and years I've been striving to show people I'm not what they thought on their first impression, but lately I gave up. Not deliberately. Just, you know what - fuck it. I can't be bothered anymore. If people don't like me, well they don't, and that's that. It's a relief leaving them with their opinion and minding my own business.

That's how I tend to view it. Just today, actually, my best friend came up to me and said "Man, my friend *insert name* really doesn't like you" Upon hearing this, I realized that I pretty much never talked to this individual and I had an opportunity to try and 'smooth' it over with him and ask him why he doesn't like me but, instead, I choose not to waste my time. I can't fault him for judging me, every individual does that, perhaps he doesn't like me for some realistic reason (If you don't understand i'm joking, I'm a sexist, racist, dick. And sometimes I'm just a asshole in general) or perhaps he doesn't like me because of something he has heard but why should I go out of my way to destroy his preconceived notion of me. People see you how they want to see you (Even your best friend might think you're something you're not)

 

[Siamese cat]

One of my really good friends thought me a valuable lesson by their own example about this in the last two years. She is an E/INTJ and have had a fairly hard life experiences for someone who is only 24 years old. Her tactic is not to try to prove that she is worth when someone tells her that she isn't or express a general dislike, or take her for granted. She just keeps up with her routine, goes about everything according to her plans and let's them to see later how mistaken they are. She has a very wise approach when choosing her battles with people, and sometimes even deliberately let's them to think less of her or to put her in a box, it just makes for a bigger surprise later. I'm not that patient, but I'm beginning to see that her way of seeing this might have some merit.

 

[enfp can be shy]

The whole competition for earning value in society looks to me as one big phony stage play. It could be justified, to some extent, in situation where math or technological solutions can be run over precisely defined conditions and determine optimality among proposed ideas. But even this shouldn't transform the way we live; shouldn't be related to human social status and lifestyle. Many studies also demonstrate the inherent randomness of such processes. And randomness, in this sense, means that certainly someone has to pick the shortest stick. People learn to worship this randomness; to call it divine or natural, but it's not. They are simply evading the reality by such claims. Anyway, beyond comparing clearly defined tasks and methods, all the rest is one huge ego boosting, and self-proclaiming. I deserve more, cause I'm better than the rest, and that's it; or I'm the justice, because the others are corrupt, and I'm righteous. Etc, etc. How do I deal with it? Well, I understand it, before all. That's a good step.