There is one other thing. When I focus my perception towards my inner world rather then reality I begin to get imaginary friends, who are entirely independent from my own train of thought.
This has been going on since I was a kid. Sometimes during rough or isolated periods in my life I will all but completely chime out of reality and retreat into my mind, which under certain circumstances becomes just as vivid to me as real life. My consciousness seems to switch modes almost, while typically I would be conscious when awake and sort of on auto when asleep, I become conscious in my sleep and go on auto when awake.
I only get this way when my life has completely crumbled and retreat is all I can to maintain my sanity or I am completely isolated for really long periods of time.
They just sort of come and go as people do in real life. Accept they are always bizarre creatures from the depths of my imagination. They will represent parts of my perspective or perhaps some memory or something. Often times I need to get to know them before I even know what they are.
They will usually present themselves to me first in a very vivid dream or nightmare. Then after that they just sort of hang around and talk to me while lucid dreaming or I can even see them as if they are standing there in front of me but the only way to see them is by closing my eyes.
The most recent was Ullul and he was a tall blue flame with eyes like sun spots. And he represented my curiosity and desire for transcendence and understanding. He was very kind and stuck around for a few months while I was doing some studying in isolation. He would speak very cryptically to me and offer open ended solutions to dilemmas and problems I would encounter that I would have never come up with left to only a sensory perspective.
I feel as if on some level he was a manifestation of my insight itself. And from the nature of the past characters that have shown up they seem to get more complex as I age.
I don’t know. It’s definitely a very strange occurrence apparently. This seems to happen to people only as small children but I managed to hang on to whatever mental mechanism employs that I guess. Not only that but I have learned how to use it beneficially and clearly.
When I was a teenager there were a few I would even confuse with real people because I would just see them standing there among others even though I was just imagining them. But usually they take on very strange forms in reflection of the world’s I’ve made in my noodle while lucid dreaming.
Unfortunately for several months now I have been dealing openly with reality so all that is off at present. And while I still encounter these guys occasionally in my dreams I am not currently in the necessary state of mind to lucid dream or control any of that.
Anyway the point is when I am in that state of mind and all the creatures of my id present themselves to me. I seem to gain all my information entirely from within my own mind. I might read a book or something but the process of imagination like seeking potentials and making connections kicks into high gear and it is as if I am teaching myself things about how the world functions with no actual source of information. Or if there is then it is from some abstract amalgamation of old forgotten thoughts that were initially discarded as irrelevant only to be recycled when in this phase.
When I’m like that I feel as if my whole brain is functioning at optimal capacity and everything becomes a simple riddle for me to figure out back by all the information I’ve gained in my life plus perhaps a connection to outside sources.
I tend to keep this to myself as when I typically share this info people think I’m insane or lying. But for me it’s become normal and a big part of how I understand things. And as far as I can tell I am far more emotionally stable and intelligent then most people I encounter. So I figure it can’t be all that bad, even if a bit eccentric.
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