Any accounting for the difference between those who are susceptible, and those who are immune to feelings of persecution?Sensitive and defensive egos.
(Anticipating a Freudian approach in terms of ego development).
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Any accounting for the difference between those who are susceptible, and those who are immune to feelings of persecution?Sensitive and defensive egos.
What if they make it your business? Like @Trifoilum said, in some cases an insult becomes more hurtful the more it is repeated. Silence often wrongfully implies acceptance. Should we just ignore people who voice their negative and incorrect opinions of us?
Straight up...YES.Should we just ignore people who voice their negative and incorrect opinions of us?
It is technically, true. But:
1) Again; hearing it for the hundredth time makes things kind of heavy.
2) Words have power. It may not affect you-- but it may affect your reputation. It may affect the people around you. It may affect your work. It may affect your lifestyle.
We may choose not to make it our business-- but will everyone else do the same?
Of course; we can adapt. A lot of times, we must.
We can also dealt with those who heeded these toxic opinions of us instead of the truth (however ugly or beautiful), of course.
But then the problem becomes more than 'somebody else's opinion of you'.
3) And these are just that-- words and opinions. What happens when it's more than words? What happens when it's fists, blades, bullets, laws, fire?
This is why I said the above. A lot of times the label persecution complex is given liberally; as if processing and dealing and suffering from the aftermath of an abusive relationship is the same as having your vanilla latte turning out to be decaf omg woe is me the world hates me waah waah waaaaahhh
Knowing full well a virtual hug and saying my heart goes out to you does absolutely nothing to change your environment---did the above happen/happening to you??3) And these are just that-- words and opinions. What happens when it's more than words? What happens when it's fists, blades, bullets, laws, fire?
This is why I said the above. A lot of times the label persecution complex is given liberally; as if processing and dealing and suffering from the aftermath of an abusive relationship is the same as having your vanilla latte turning out to be decaf omg woe is me the world hates me waah waah waaaaahhh
@Sandie33 : Thank you for your kind words.
While I have my struggles and risks (one of which is being LGBTQ+ in an Islamic country) ; mine is actually one of the better, more privileged ones. And I am coping better these days.
It's perhaps okay if people call me one of these weakwilled whiny oversensitive ego-- I accept the label. I -am- whiny.
(and I must add, as a disclaimer, that I am very familiar with these persecution complex. My mother has a very strong one.)
But others had it worse than me. Much, much worse.
And sometimes they cannot get away from it. A lot of times.
Again, we adapt.
But this is my point. I take umbrage of people fighting and struggling for their lives and sanity and happiness being lumped in together with me.
Which happens way too often than I'd like; whether in personal or societal scope.
You are most welcome...and I think not that you are 'whiny' but belive rather you question 'What of me?'.It's perhaps okay if people call me one of these weakwilled whiny oversensitive ego-- I accept the label. I -am- whiny.
All I can say is that I'm honestly glad you are able to live in that reality and I sincerely hope that neither you nor any of your loved ones ever gets victimized in general let alone by people in power.Straight up...YES.
There is a fine line between feeling like a victim and taking responsibility for polishing your sense of personal power and grounded faith in your sense of Self and who you are. (you & your meaning anyone not 'you' explicitly Lady Jet)
You are responsible for how you perceive what someone says to you NOT the content of their message nor it's context. The reverse is true also...you are responsible for WHAT you say not how the person receiving it takes the message.
Tell ya what I do (and I slip occasionally with an asshole attack and spout off from ego instead of my true self...I'm only human).
When another person devalues me (my feeling 'persecuted') I generally say "Thank you for stating your opinion and how you see me. I'm sorry you feel/think that way. I'll think about it for a bit. Have a beautiful day." At that time I walk away...either dismissing the conversation until later. Or dismissing the conversation and often the person, (ooph! Classic INFJ search for harmony or phuckin doorslam), and I move along. I will confess on occasion, when I take the time to reflect and see if the other persons view has any validity, I'll let it affect change in me as a tool for self growth (into a better human or bigger asshole--hard tell lol).
If it is a person who's company you value and you can't escape feeling persecuted there are ways to find common ground...otherwise why the phuck would you want a person like that to be in your life to begin with? And...when strangers do it--bang the door, not your head (or heart), and tell them to pissoff...you don't need that negativity anyhoo
Any accounting for the difference between those who are susceptible, and those who are immune to feelings of persecution.
(Anticipating a Freudian approach in terms of ego development).
I do live in that reality Jet...because I chose a different outlook and forgiveness of things I did not ask for in this life. Nor will I take responsibility for the actions another has inflicted on me because of their own twisted functioning....and since you do not know me nor my backstories, I'll choose forgiveness here as well.All I can say is that I'm honestly glad you are able to live in that reality and I sincerely hope that neither you nor any of your loved ones ever gets victimized in general let alone by people in power.
I will never forget the verbal abuse and downright cruel treatment of the police after my rape. I will never forget almost everyone in my community turning on me because he was a good old local boy with a poor sick mother...how could I do that to him? Thankfully I was able to move. Not everyone is as lucky as I am.
I know this comes from a place of love and good intentions. However, the reality of abuse is far more complex and rarely allows for people to just get the Fuck out. Often times it is physically safer to stay in an abusive situation than attempt to leave.my suggestion to any one gone or going through physical, emotional, or verbal abuse is to get the fuck out and away from it.
I don't talk to hear myself chatter, and generally whatever I say comes from my heart laced with compassion and empathy and unfortunately first hand in your face knowledge of expierencing the event or something similar.I know this comes from a place of love and good intentions. However, the reality of abuse is far more complex and rarely allows for people to just get the Fuck out. Often times it is physically safer to stay in an abusive situation than attempt to leave.
I mean look at my situation. I got out, I moved across the country and I'm still being terrorized and deniEd a divorce. if only it were easier.
Thank you. It's sooooo awesome that you took the time to revisit psych studies. (I very rarely come into contact with people who have studied psych IRL, and whose thoughts I can pick, being a complete layman in the area).Without getting too psych about it because I don't remember a lot of psych, their egos are deploying defenses that are more a symptom of something rather than an explanation for anything concrete in the present, really. At least from what I understand/remember. It's like an arrow pointing them to a higher truth but distorting reality a bit to get them there, because they can't face it yet or haven't processed it yet. Hopefully they do before it becomes maladaptive or pathological.
In short, some people have self-awareness, notice this and find ways to cope before they turn maladaptive or being a perpetual persecuted victim sinks into their identity. I think the difference is those who have learned a healthy response to insult and hurt and recognize that they too also hurt others with and without intent, are aware of and have a healthy solid sense of self, are able to self-reflect and forgive. Every person slides from good into the bad sometimes. Since there is absolutely no navigating the world free of insult and hurt we must learn how to cope with it.
I do not think it's healthy to enable people to think it's good to stay in a place of perpetual victimhood their entire life keeping them from taking responsibility for their lives, letting their reality become distorted indefinitely, or letting victimhood or persecution sink into their identity. That is a dark hole very difficult to climb out and no place I think anyone ought to want anyone to be. However, it's not my job to tell them how long it should take to do the work to no longer be a victim.
So yeah, in no way do I want to take anything away from real abuse victims working through their pain and trauma. May you find the tools to rise above what life has given you, have peace and make the life of your dreams.
Adding to your words; I personally think part of our emotional development is realizing we don't need to demonize others to realize they are not good for us.Without getting too psych about it because I don't remember a lot of psych, their egos are deploying defenses that are more a symptom of something rather than an explanation for anything concrete in the present, really. At least from what I understand/remember. It's like an arrow pointing them to a higher truth but distorting reality a bit to get them there, because they can't face it yet or haven't processed it yet. Hopefully they do before it becomes maladaptive or pathological.
In short, some people have self-awareness, notice this and find ways to cope before they turn maladaptive or being a perpetual persecuted victim sinks into their identity. I think the difference is those who have learned a healthy response to insult and hurt and recognize that they too also hurt others with and without intent, are aware of and have a healthy solid sense of self, are able to self-reflect and forgive. Every person slides from good into the bad sometimes. Since there is absolutely no navigating the world free of insult and hurt we must learn how to cope with it.
I do not think it's healthy to enable people to think it's good to stay in a place of perpetual victimhood their entire life keeping them from taking responsibility for their lives, letting their reality become distorted indefinitely, or letting victimhood or persecution sink into their identity. That is a dark hole very difficult to climb out and no place I think anyone ought to want anyone to be. However, it's not my job to tell them how long it should take to do the work to no longer be a victim.
So yeah, in no way do I want to take anything away from real abuse victims working through their pain and trauma. May you find the tools to rise above what life has given you, have peace and make the life of your dreams.
This may come down to true differences in nature. I don't need to forgive to heal and move on. Ignoring offenses of others against me would be to admit defeat. It would cause their words to fester and become reality. I am a person of actions. It does not make either of our approaches wrong or right or better or worse, just different because people are all different.I do live in that reality Jet...because I chose a different outlook and forgiveness of things I did not ask for in this life. Nor will I take responsibility for the actions another has inflicted on me because of their own twisted functioning....and since you do not know me nor my backstories, I'll choose forgiveness here as well.
I am happy for you that you were able to escape into a new life. It is my hope you find forgiveness one day and those tragic scars find healing. Please don't let the weight of past baggage hold you down from flying high into your future. ❤
You deserve validity @Jet . Not looking to Shit down your feelings dear one. Perhaps you will find healing the more you talk about your hurts. I agree neither of our view is wrong. ❤This may come down to true differences in nature. I don't need to forgive to heal and move on. Ignoring offenses of others against me would be to admit defeat. It would cause their words to fester and become reality. I am a person of actions. It does not make either of our approaches wrong or right or better or worse, just different because people are all different.
Again I do not believe that being a victim is at all a bad thing to be part of a person's identity. It simply is, and you learn to live with it.
My life could be so much worse. I am very lucky. I do not believe I have a victim complex but maybe I do and just can't see it. If someone does have that complex I feel that they should be treated with compassion and that hey heir feelings respected.
There is nothing worse than being made to feel crazy or like an extremist because your past experience as and victim. To have everyone belittle your very real fears and emotions. I had the "validation" of my paranoia being real, but had it been nothing it would not have felt any different.
I feel like I'm being and an ass. That is not my intent. This is just andnnss topic that hits close to home and I'm enjoying talking about it in a new environment. I still don't have a feel for the board enough to know how to properly read comments. But it's good for me. So thank you all and sorry if I'm being insensitive.
stems from paranioa,possibly and probably because of childhood grooming i.e parents favouring one child over the other and the idea of having a "favorite" son and so they live under the perception that they're simply being given 2nd class opportunities etc.other reasons of course include a natural inclination of ego boosts and such and narcissism and stuffWhat's up with some people feeling persecuted, when it's a very tenuous interpretation of things, while other people can be indifferent to personal swipes, etc.?
also psychopaths can have this inclination because of feeling "misunderstood"stems from paranioa,possibly and probably because of childhood grooming i.e parents favouring one child over the other and the idea of having a "favorite" son and so they live under the perception that they're simply being given 2nd class opportunities etc.other reasons of course include a natural inclination of ego boosts and such and narcissism and stuff
obviously it would have more of an inclination towards self aware psychopathsalso psychopaths can have this inclination because of feeling "misunderstood"
Thank you. It's sooooo awesome that you took the time to revisit psych studies. (I very rarely come into contact with people who have studied psych IRL, and whose thoughts I can pick, being a complete layman in the area).
It sounds as though there are unconscious habits going on in the background, influencing conscious habits.
The ingraining of habits (Re. ego), as you describe it seems to follow a reinforcement process: that the victimhood disposition enables rewarding functioning (either as a pursuit of the desirable, or an escape from the undesirable, relating to manipulating and coping respectively). (Excuse the interested speculating). There definitely seems to be two types of victims: the defensive, and the manipulator. For the sake of this thread, I'd prefer to focus on those whose habitual victimhood has arisen as a coping mechanism, to enable functioning in real oppressive situations.
What are your thoughts on the effects / causal influences between ego victim defense, and individual social development?