People | INFJ Forum



Community Member
Aug 11, 2008
ok... this is becoming a serious problem for me that some NFs might be able to help with. Several very bad interactions with multiple people and groups of people over the past 6 weeks have set me off against people in general. For the last 2 or 3 of those weeks I've pulled the normal "I" thing and just cloistered myself off as much as possible to give myself some space, but NTP feelings don't shift as fast as NFJ ones do... and never without reason. I saw somewhere on this forum a while back the words "solitude is good, isolation is bad"... to which I agree completely. I think I'm rapidly turning the corner between the two, though. Even things so simple as going out to see a movie with someone who's hurt me (or who I've hurt just because of honesty) somewhere along the line is making me more upset with everyone in general. I'm trying very hard not to let myself generalize unfairly (and, lets face it, with something like people almost all generalizations are unfair), but about 16 of the 18 or 19 relationships I've made over the years have ended badly, 3 or so of them almost devastating internally, and I can already feel myself withdrawing subconsciously from the rest 'just in case.'

Needless to say that's unhealthy, and very clearly one of those few instances where "faith in the fact makes it true," a self-fulfilling prophecy. The problem is worse than it should be because I'm no martyr--in fact the first 2/3 or so of bad ends to friendships were almost entirely my fault (people I've lost touch with years ago, so there's little chance to make things right), so what's probably your first idea ("look to yourself and realize that we're all just people") probably won't work very well. I think I'm beginning to understand what people are like... and it's making me miserable.


so basically, I just wanted to ask you all... what is it about people that keeps you interacting with them? It honestly would be a quick little computation of "either I hurt people or people hurt me... so I think I'll just bury myself in science [what I enjoy most/do best] and save everyone the trouble," but the first thing in the bible that's ever called "not good" is Adam's loneliness, and I figure there must be a reason for it. So why people? What good has ever come out of your interactions with them? How does anyone benefit from interaction anymore?
Since you've mentioned the bible, FW (not to be confused with DW from the children's books . . .)

This may be a bit long winded . . . can't wait for Satya to retort with "blah, blah, you're wrong" (actually, I just wrote that so he would 'cause I miss his "blah, blah, you're wrong!" ).

I'd start with "why did God create people in the first place?". And here is why I'd start with it. If you believe God created, you believe he had a reason (creation indicates motivation, no matter how ridiculous it was, even if it was just a chemical response, there is still purpose behind it). If you believe he had a reason, you begin to ask yourself what that was.

I don't claim to know the answer, however, like everyone else, I have theories. One of them is that our human interactions would represent the interactions and relationship we are to have with him. That those relationships, acting as a symbol of ours with him, would give us an understanding of and insight into his nature. I won't elaborate on whether or not that failed (have theories there, as well-but I'll wait for Satya's obvious question), just that I believe this to be so.

What keeps us interacting? I also believe, in order to facilitate a searching for the perfect relationship with him, he gave us the quest for interaction, a built in default switch. Some have it (that quest) stronger than others-I believe these ones to be the ones most in need of, but with the least access to, intuitive knowledge about his character. Others, like us, have turned that switch off-to some degree. But the desire is still there. And It's pretty universal.

The benefit of interaction: well, from a purely non-emotional vantage point . . . my ENFP friend told me he likes to make "connections" in case he ever needs that person in the future, or, rather, something from that person. say, for example, someone who has a truck when you do not-at some point you may want to borrow-a good deal cheaper than buying or renting.

From a more emotional standpoint, if that interaction is good . . . the greatest sense of fulfillment. If the interaction is bad, insight into them, into yourself, the ability to look at the situation and figure out what went wrong and how to (if it's possible) avoid that mistake in the future (assuming that part of the problem was you), and possibly even help others (another sense of fulfillment, satisfaction, etc). You could even say, since much of the above would be beneficial, that these interactions are selfish in nature in that they increase feelings of self-worth, a craving all humans have to some degree.

Losing touch with someone may not be the same as losing them, btw! This same ENFP friend found a guy from high school he hadn't seen in 8 years. They hit it off great. In this kind of situation, isn't it the "it takes two to tango" concept? "Losing touch" goes both ways-you made no effort, but neither did they (unless you purposely avoided them, or forgot to call one time too many).

Also, for me, personally, having grown up in a Christian home, I have a negative view of people starting out (we are all sinners, we will sin, don't expect us not too . . .). So they can only rise in my estimation (how's that for lemonade)!
I keep in touch with people because now I have people who care about me. I have had several bad friendships and a bad relationship. I just cut them out of my life. I dont associate with them anymore and hang around people who actually give a damn. Still I find myself drained sometimes and will go off by myself to walk and think. I hope things get better for you.
wha.. hm? oh geez, I'd given this thread up for dead already. Thanks for the responses, though
loneliness is different from not socialising with people. i dont like doing the things most people do for enjoyment, but spent a lot of my life trying to and feeling bad cos i never was accepted , or fitted in. if i didnt have my kids i would have no one close, but that doesnt make me feel like a freak anymore, i like spending time with me, doing what i like. life is too short ..f..k em and be happy with yourself.
I have an INTP father and he thinks people generally suck. It seems he demands consistence and "harmony". The only types of persons that can talk him out of his demands and "dream" is the SJ members of my family. Well he doesnt totally agree with the fact that people cant be the same way all the time, but SJ's atleast work as a catalyst between him and rest of the world. I think he wants everyone to be like him, wich makes it easier, now the closest would be the SJ's who does things that makes sence to him but at a faster frequence. I kind of feel sorry for him for not being able to enjoy life (he only seeks to understand it).

Anyway. I guess you should hang around more with SJ's if you have any of those around you. I think they are good for NP's, dont be scared of their non-existent abstractness (you don't need to use it anyway 24/7).
I interact with people because my mind would fracture without them.

This may be a bit long winded . . . can't wait for Satya to retort with "blah, blah, you're wrong" (actually, I just wrote that so he would 'cause I miss his "blah, blah, you're wrong!" ).

I think I have made my peace with the Bible and those who follow it. I grasped the message of that book and upon doing so, I have lost a lot of my ambition to argue about it. Arbitrary judgments made from that book are utterly useless if you do not grasp the meaning behind all that is said.
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