Pain

I tend to have many feelings all going on concurrently...I almost refer to them as different "me"s.

In the realm of pain though...oh yes, that is one of them. I think it may just be part of life, though. I have a very large lonely streak from being single for the past 20 years. I was busy raising my kids and doing the things I needed to do...I never made enough space for this part of me to become completed (although I did try). Ironically, I feel peace about this....it was the right thing to do, but it was not an easy thing nor was it necessarily a "good" thing. I have now over-adapted by, for survival's sake, building a very full life for myself. I gave myself over to my creative instincts and to my spiritual meanderings, to friends and familiar places. Yet, the deep connection I yearn for with another is empty. On the upside, I stayed out of troubled relationships so the glass is half full...at the same time it is half empty.

As far as social conditions....probably seeing other couples out having warm moments together triggers some sadness. It's very sweet. I'd be quite good at that....yet such is not my fate.

Underlying this I think is a sense of chronic disconnect within myself. I am hard-wired for a meaningful relationship, yet life has not made this possible, or so it seems. There is more at work though. Disconnects can have an upside, although I admit some disconnects are more dimishing than others. In this case, I had to find new pathways for my spirit to live, a way to find water in the dry desert, to live on minute fragments rather than plenty. One finds out new things when living on the edge, things one might not see otherwise. I think my pain has, therefore, made me a better person, even though I am not the person I was meant to be. It is a study in irony, for sure!

 

Thank you for your very kind words...I acknowledge that you may very well be right. We'll see.

But sometimes things change with age....the vantage point of youth sees endless possibilities. It is a gift. However with age one realizes that life is not always fair and things do not always work out as we planned. The dreams we had as youth must be tempered with other, new types of dreams....maybe even deeper dreams. Our years are waning, our bodies are aging, and there is no escaping this, not really. In addition, one finds that the choices made in life carry certain consequences, and many of these we will have to live with. All this can be a sobering cause for of sadness I suppose, but it can also be very liberating in that we begin to warmly embrace certain realities that were much more easily side-stepped earlier in life.

I am fortunate in that the decisions of my life have left me happy. Many of my dreams have come true......but alas, not all. I feel unwilling to complain. Yes, I have pain, but I also have joy and tranquility...and that ain't too bad.

I encourage all the young people to discover and live in their higher angels. Months turn into years and years into decades and suddenly we find ourselves looking back wondering where all the time went. We may find we are in a place unlike we might have imagined...and we will have to deal with that. Those higher angels, though, they are the best we have and they will guide us well.

Hope, of course, is always a good thing. But illusion? Well, illusion might be worth moving past at some point. In any case, the hopeful outlook of the young has great value...it is a carefree optimism that is not the domain of the old, but we do admire it, and cherish it, and encourage it very, very much. Truth is...we learn from it, too.

 

Yes, perhaps.....and besides, sharks live in the sea!!! :faint2:

 

Honestly my feeling lately have been a roller coaster and have been hell to try and understand. I honestly can't tell you what I"m thinking its been changing so much. Which means I need to figure out some things. I miss having emotional harmony.

 

I know but I'm tired of accepting pain in the everything I do. I can only take so much and I'm so tired of settling.

 

What feeling exact you had recently?
Feeling of peace in my mind and heart

What is hidden under your most clear feeling?
Hunger to get more knowledge and apply it with high raised attitude