Kwistalline said:Lurker, that depends on every situation, helping us get over hurt, which is usually the source of our defensiveness from the sounds of it. For me, it helps for others to recognize the hurt, apologize and/or agree to change the subject after a respectful silence . . . hugs sometimes help, too!! It's the thought of sensitivity and caring compassion more than the words, for me anyway.
I find I'm mostly defensive about dating and romance. For example, when making new aquaintances, if they asked whether or not I was dating, I would "accidentally" rip them up. It's a sensitive issue for me. I'd like to wear a sign saying "No, I don't date, and you don't have the right to know why, so don't ask or I'll hurt you in places you never knew existed". How's that for defensive!!
At some point it was so bad random guys couldn't talk to me without getting burned (have I mentioned that we can be terribly vicious when we're ticked?)! My BFF has been helpful in getting me over that, but now I'm back to accidentally leading people on, which I can't seem to get out of, either.
The point is, for me, anyhow, defensiveness is the result open emotional wounds. You help us by being gentle and protective. And not attempting to force us to heal before we are ready. Naturally a good sense of humor helps to put everything in perspective! So, when in doubt . . . gentle humor.
sriv said:Kwistalline said:Lurker, that depends on every situation, helping us get over hurt, which is usually the source of our defensiveness from the sounds of it. For me, it helps for others to recognize the hurt, apologize and/or agree to change the subject after a respectful silence . . . hugs sometimes help, too!! It's the thought of sensitivity and caring compassion more than the words, for me anyway.
I find I'm mostly defensive about dating and romance. For example, when making new aquaintances, if they asked whether or not I was dating, I would "accidentally" rip them up. It's a sensitive issue for me. I'd like to wear a sign saying "No, I don't date, and you don't have the right to know why, so don't ask or I'll hurt you in places you never knew existed". How's that for defensive!!
At some point it was so bad random guys couldn't talk to me without getting burned (have I mentioned that we can be terribly vicious when we're ticked?)! My BFF has been helpful in getting me over that, but now I'm back to accidentally leading people on, which I can't seem to get out of, either.
The point is, for me, anyhow, defensiveness is the result open emotional wounds. You help us by being gentle and protective. And not attempting to force us to heal before we are ready. Naturally a good sense of humor helps to put everything in perspective! So, when in doubt . . . gentle humor.
That sounds like inviting artificiality to me. "Do this, this, and this to make me feel better and not lose control of myself." Little bit unappealing to me, no offense. :|
Kwistalline said:I find I'm mostly defensive about dating and romance. For example, when making new aquaintances, if they asked whether or not I was dating, I would "accidentally" rip them up. It's a sensitive issue for me. I'd like to wear a sign saying "No, I don't date, and you don't have the right to know why, so don't ask or I'll hurt you in places you never knew existed". How's that for defensive!!
At some point it was so bad random guys couldn't talk to me without getting burned (have I mentioned that we can be terribly vicious when we're ticked?)! My BFF has been helpful in getting me over that, but now I'm back to accidentally leading people on, which I can't seem to get out of, either.
Inkling said:Kwistalline said:I find I'm mostly defensive about dating and romance. For example, when making new aquaintances, if they asked whether or not I was dating, I would "accidentally" rip them up. It's a sensitive issue for me. I'd like to wear a sign saying "No, I don't date, and you don't have the right to know why, so don't ask or I'll hurt you in places you never knew existed". How's that for defensive!!
At some point it was so bad random guys couldn't talk to me without getting burned (have I mentioned that we can be terribly vicious when we're ticked?)! My BFF has been helpful in getting me over that, but now I'm back to accidentally leading people on, which I can't seem to get out of, either.
See, this is why you need to wear a fake engagement ring at all times! Goodness gracious those guys just seem to fall all around you! lol... one more reason you can't prove that I'm prettier
Weird... I wonder where the defensiveness comes from (ahm a leeetle rusty on the functions), because i just quietly back out of the situation if it seems like someone's gonna get a whole lot more awkward. Afterward, I say "Whew... that was just creepy!"
sumone said:What helps me when I get caught being 'over' defensive is if someone can make me laugh at myself and move on, shrug it off or just give me a bit of space. It's when someone tries to embarass me or make a mountain out of it that drives me nuts.
Good observation. That's when we are best. Sharing our past expierances and applying them to present day expierances.Motor Jax said:i tend to think we can share best when we tell our own experiences
my ex was always like, "you, you, you... every time you tell something, it's always about you."
idk, maybe its just my observation...
sriv said:Elizabeth, your friend was obviously arguing emotionally. In addition, INFPs is probably the least self-confidant type, which makes them very unlikely to take intiative or assert themselves. He compared your actions to what he would do and took personal offense that you didn't do what he thought you should have done. IMO that's wrong.
Motor Jax said:i tend to think we can share best when we tell our own experiences
Motor Jax said:my ex was always like, "you, you, you... every time you tell something, it's always about you."
Motor Jax said:i know i have flaws, but i don't like them pointed out. i end up getting pretty defensive at times
maybe even just to protect that inner integrity the INFJ type is so fond of
anyone else like this?