Overcoming codependency

[Artemisia]

Have you dealt with codependency in your love life? Like being addicted to love and the idea of having someone rescue you? If so, how and when did you overcome it?

I am 33 and have been struggling with it ever since my father passed away four years ago. I see it mainly as an identity issue.....he had a huge effect on me and sort of "gave" me my identity. Since he died I have been subconsciously searching to replace him with another man who would do the same. In the past two months I have been working on these issues and now understand a lot of things about codependency and how I work.

So to those of you who have been able to overcome it, how did it happen and when (how old were you and how long did it take?)

 

[#@&5&49]

Awareness was the first step. Once I was aware it was very difficult to go back and/or stay in denial. After that it was a matter of recognizing and changing one bad habit at a time. Timeline, I would imagine it would be different for everyone and depend on their level of commitment to developing interdependent relationships. Relationships are an art. The people in the relationships are artists continually working on their craft and their masterpiece. Meaning, it's a never ending effort. It just gets easier over time. We all have a degree of dysfunction and codependency to deal with, some more than others. It's just part of the human condition.

 

[Artemisia]

Awareness was the first step. Once I was aware it was very difficult to go back and/or stay in denial. After that it was a matter of recognizing and changing one bad habit at a time. Timeline, I would imagine it would be different for everyone and depend on their level of commitment to developing interdependent relationships. Relationships are an art. The people in the relationships are artists continually working on their craft and their masterpiece. Meaning, it's a never ending effort. It just gets easier over time. We all have a degree of dysfunction and codependency to deal with, some more than others. It's just part of the human condition.

Yes, I agree that awareness is the first step. I have been working on it and fighting it pretty much every hour of the day for two months now.

 

[KorJax]

Been trying out cultivating mindfulness and meditation every day for a couple of months now.

It ties into awareness a lot, and I think it helps.

I'm still very new at it though, and have lingering problems in the air. I feel much better and more "secure" in my day to day, feels like I have more control. But when I run into something that triggers a codependent thought right in the moment it comes back again in full force.

I think that is normal though. It's going to take time to change, and I think part of me getting better about it is accepting that I'm just going to be like this on some level, to not be afraid of it. Helps lessen the power it has over me in my day to day. Which will eventually lead (I hope) to making more rational decisions and having more control over those thoughts when they flare up in the moment.