Out of the loop for a long time, and clueless

To be honest, arby, I think you did overreact a little bit. I mean, I think it is important to be awake to the possibility of dangers in the world, but I think that likely this guy was just trying to make friendly conversation. He's new to the neighborhood and probably doesn't know a lot of people, and wanted to reach out and get to know folks in the area. There are some people out there that need even just a bit of small talk or a friendly face to get them through their day.

It'd be a completely different story, however, if you definitely got that 'something is not right' vibe from this dude that you just know goes beyond your initial shyness. If was most definitely the case, then I agree: better safe than sorry.

Then again, this answers your question. If that's how you usually react to friendly guys, maybe this is something to keep an eye on; maybe, psychologically speaking, you paint them all with the same brush to avoid getting into a friendship/relationship and possibly getting hurt.

Something to consider.

I hope those observations helped.

P.S: Love that new avatar

 

He could have been flirting with you like your co-worker said or maybe he was just simply being friendly. And many people are just friendly like that. But I do think he was flirting with you as well. He told you a tiny bit about himself (he had just moved to the city/neighborhood), he wanted to know about you and even felt comfortable enough to sing in front of you -a total stranger he just met. So there was some kinda of interest on his part. Knowing me, I would have acted the exact same way as you and take off. That's what I do and that's why I have only been on one date, yes 'numero uno' (which wasn't even great) -because every time I get approached by a guy I usually run away, I get awkward/shy like you and start thinking different things and flee. You could have asked him a bit about himself and just talk to him. And who knows where that could have led. You could have met a great new friend or possible more. Maybe you'll run into him again. I hope you do and if you do, tell him you didn't mean to run off like you did the other day and just talk to him. Ask him some things about himself. He said he just moved, so ask him how he's liking the new city/area, ask him what he does, little things like that to get the conversation going and see where that goes. I really shouldn't be advising you here considering my own pitiful and non-existent love life (*shakes head sadly*).
Good luck.

 

tbh, you sound very much like me. I would probably respond the same way you did, because I tend to think I attract the wrong type of people sometimes. But as everyone else has said, it may have been an overreaction (but it is clearly understandable why you would feel this way, especially if you've had previous experiences with a few weird ones) but allow yourself a little freedom to enjoy the possibility that although we may feel like an awkward bunch, and there are those out there who may feel just as awkward if they're interested in us. I guess, when someone is nervous about approaching or speaking with someone, they may appear too eager or overly friendly. I tend to do it myself. I usually don't know how to approach someone if I like them. And when I allow fear to get the better of me, I do nothing. Not good. So, as they say, "Nothing tried, nothing gained." So, just take a deep breath, put aside the past (as much as you can) and look forward.

 

You should therefore have sex with him.

 

arbygil, this sometimes happens to me too, and I just don't feel interested either and I usually see the guy in an unfavorable light also... due to my disinterest, I create an uncomfortable situation and I part company feeling like I was being a bitch... at least u were nice to him, lol. I understand tho, it's because maybe we are suspicious of people's intentions. Try not to worry too much tho :redface:

 

My x husband used to be like that... it was soo embarassing for me when I was just standing right there... especially if we had the kids with us, I would just get these confused looks from the women! I was like; 'find a happy place'... inside my head, lol. Gawd!!!

 

What would constitute as creepy, stalker behavior? Unless you mean that you get a bad vibe from the person. But your vibe could be incorrect and based on something like an irrational aversion to a certain color.

It seems like any guy who approached you with a bit of enthusiasm would come off as creepy and stalkerish. I don't know...

 

what are topics that would be considered safe, and non-personal ? I'm not asking because I want to be stalkerish

It's just that when you meet someone for the first time, there are a few questions that are considered ice breakers, or whatnot, and I'm not sure if from their perspective, they're just trying to be friendly in their way, while inside your brain is saying "perv alert !" "perv alert !"

 

At least you didn't mace him and knee him in the groin; you didn't act on the quick conclusions about his suspected dastardly practices that you drew.

If you felt creeped out, I'd heed that. Even if his words were kind, most of our communication is non-verbal. Maybe you picked something up.

Calling him a rapist and a murderer in your own head is a tad extreme, but something about him warranted alarm instinctively... and I can understand exaggerating for emphasis on something as abstract as the alarm you felt..

I almost responded to this earlier, but I wanted to see what else you'd say about it.


Your last post is reasonable and not paranoid sounding. So, go with your instincts.

 

I know when I 'feel' a certain vibe from a guy who is being 'friendly' By 'friendly', I am reffering to what arbygil said about getting too personal too soon and the inability to read other people's body language about when their personal boundaries are being crossed. Boundaries are sacred to me, they define comfort zones and I view boundaries and comfort zones with respect. When boundaries r crossed and cause someone to feel uncomfortable, there is an experience of anger...

Questions that I feel cross my boundaries with a loud and flamboyant (lol) stranger:

How old I am
Do I have children
Where do I work
What school do my kids go to and what grade
Am I married or single
Having my name sang out in a song (from the stranger)
Hearing personal information about the stranger
(I actually am literally not interested and don't care one bit)

The boundary is there for me and others like me regarding this type of thing because it creates an awkward feeling inside me, and I don't want to feel awkward and uncomfortable. It makes for an awkward situation where I know the other person (stranger) may feel wierd and uncomfortable with my unfriendliness (to his standard), and it's there because I am not out looking for a hook up, which is sometimes what they r hoping for. I don't like to think I am making someone feel rejected. (well, lets be honest and say that with the vibe "I call it the creep factor", there is the putting it out there in a very blatent way), that he is interested in me, but that doesnt mean that I am going to return the feeling, especially not when the guy presents himself that way...
The vibe would go a bit like this:

hmmm, like how she looks, I'm in need of a good woman and she looks like a nice person, I wonder how she looks naked, (ahh yes, I see her in my mind), I am curious about her energy, there is something innocent about her, I am new in town, (ahem, not necessarily) lol, I want to sing her name, (ewww!) I'm trying to be charming, I think she likes me, I don't care is she doesnt yet, I'll get her to...

among a few other things.

Now I know this sounds parranoid, but it's honestly what I have managed to be able to pick up on with guys in the past, and I have made the mistake of not following my instincts before.

Now if there is a quietness around a guy who I sense has depth to his persona, then I will be curious and perhaps find myself wondering hmmm... I wonder about him... I would feel better about him as someone who I would maybe get to know, if I could pick up his energy to discover if he is 'safe' or not. I can determine if he is a 'hider', or just genuinely gentle and worth trusting. I would need to watch him for a while, study him quietly and then if there was some shy eye contact from both of us, then maybe a few smiles and he came over to me and said a friendly 'hello', then I would feel warmer towards the whole interraction.

Questions I am comfortable with from a stranger after we have had the silent exploration I mentioned above:

Hi
(smiles)
some mutual looking around and random comments (on the neat color of a building or something)
more smiles or chuckling over random building color
some shy body language
introductions
(he) volunteers general info. such as being new in town and where he came from
then if I want to, I can volunteer similar comments too etc.


sounds boring? well I guess it's supposed to be boring because it's a stranger and because I am more interested in the non verbal conversation that takes place and the meanings behind the behavior rather than feeling stressed as to why is this guy interviewing me, why does he want to know this stuff!!! Why does he want to know me? Even a female acting the way that guy acted would make me feel like running too... ya, strangers singing my name? hah, lol... I'd just be like wtf...

O arbygil, I guess my post sounds kinda rediculous, but I did actually get a laugh out of writing it... I figured this might make u laugh a bit too if u can possibly relate or identify with what I wrote for yrself too!