[INFJ] opinion about ourselves, opinion about yourself!

[Noona]

I had a feeling the place you were talking about might be that..

umph, idk what to say.. pls dont make any irrational decisions and try to keep your cool. Any people outside the house whom you trust and can let know whats happenin maybe?

People are indifferent so is Useless to talk to someone.

I will escape, I just need to find the way

OMG I JUST REALIZE THAT I HAVE SO MUCH THINGS TO DO AND NO TIME

 

[John K]

so……. Please take care of me

Hi Noona and welcome to the forum (seeing as I haven't already said hello yet )

I've got a couple of quotes for you:

Spoiler

You have probably seen these sort of statements about INFJ already around the internet, but they ring very true. Reading through your posts, I suspect you will identify very easily with them.

I didn't really felt different….. more off…. yep…. like they are in this world, in this connection, and I'm off. People in past, like now, usually look at me in same strange way, I'm an ordinary woman and you can't find me easily in the crowd, so why they look at me? I feel like they analyze me as if I were a puzzle even if I'm just sitting. So…….. ( there isn't a conclusion, I have to collect the pieces well)

Talking about not being understand.
I think that everyone have this kind of struggle but why it was so difficult? Why people can't accept what I am in the same way I accept them? Is that so hard?. Ok…. You opened a new chapter.

This is soooo normal for INFJ. It gives us a perspective that seems to be just a bit outside the world - I often feel as if I was never really fully born in to it. That means we see it from a perspective that others can't see - the others just won't understand because it's like asking someone born blind to appreciate the colours in a glorious sunset. On the other hand we can see the world easily as other people do, and we can see how they fit into it better than most, so we have great insight into many of them but they cannot really see us. The gift is both a blessing and a curse - the choice is ours which we adopt habitually, though the curse will often give us a bite anyway. I grab the blessing with both hands and run away with it . Another quote ....

Spoiler

Did you ever find someone like this? I tried to understand this person but I cannot excuse certain behaviors.
Have I to put more effort on understand this person?

You haven't said enough about the actual situation for a clear view, but it smells to high heaven of a potential empathy trap. INFJs bring other people's personalities inside them, particularly people that they care about in some way. The other's emotions and problems become ours if we aren't careful, and we can end up not knowing which are ours and which are the other's - we can even start to lose our sense of personal identity that way. Fortunately most people we come across in life don't resonate with this - they are grateful for the care that flows out of us but they don't take undue advantage except maybe in practical terms. There are others though that do the opposite of what we do - they project their deep problems onto other people, and for those an INFJ is like food to a starving person. We can become the (unconscious) source of a solution to their emotional and existential problems and they externalise them into us. If we (usually unconsciously) accept this it's like we end up trying to bail out the Mediterranean Sea with a toy bucket, and we lose ourselves in the other - eventually our emotional energy runs out and we either become ill ourselves, or end the relationship in an abrupt crisis, or a bit of both. Our inner boundaries are vital - no-one has the right to cross that boundary of our core self, but INFJs often let others across it without realising the risks and need to protect it consciously and deliberately. It can feel horribly unpleasant to do this, particularly if it involves changing our relationship with someone we know well, because it feels like it's selfish and contentious. It's not though - we can help others far better if we protect our inner self from being damaged and keep a reasonable emotional distance from them.

When you realized you are an INFJ???? When and how????

Haha! Last year, a few months after my 68th birthday. An interesting and rewarding experience. I've been familiar with MBTI for many years, but the type descriptions are not necessarily easy to identify with, and our behaviours can be cloaked by our home, school or work environments - and INFJs are dreadful chameleons of course. A big lesson I have learned recently is this one

Spoiler

 

[Synergos]

Pre

Hi Noona and welcome to the forum (seeing as I haven't already said hello yet )

I've got a couple of quotes for you:

Spoiler

You have probably seen these sort of statements about INFJ already around the internet, but they ring very true. Reading through your posts, I suspect you will identify very easily with them.


This is soooo normal for INFJ. It gives us a perspective that seems to be just a bit outside the world - I often feel as if I was never really fully born in to it. That means we see it from a perspective that others can't see - the others just won't understand because it's like asking someone born blind to appreciate the colours in a glorious sunset. On the other hand we can see the world easily as other people do, and we can see how they fit into it better than most, so we have great insight into many of them but they cannot really see us. The gift is both a blessing and a curse - the choice is ours which we adopt habitually, though the curse will often give us a bite anyway. I grab the blessing with both hands and run away with it . Another quote ....

Spoiler

You haven't said enough about the actual situation for a clear view, but it smells to high heaven of a potential empathy trap. INFJs bring other people's personalities inside them, particularly people that they care about in some way. The other's emotions and problems become ours if we aren't careful, and we can end up not knowing which are ours and which are the other's - we can even start to lose our sense of personal identity that way. Fortunately most people we come across in life don't resonate with this - they are grateful for the care that flows out of us but they don't take undue advantage except maybe in practical terms. There are others though that do the opposite of what we do - they project their deep problems onto other people, and for those an INFJ is like food to a starving person. We can become the (unconscious) source of a solution to their emotional and existential problems and they externalise them into us. If we (usually unconsciously) accept this it's like we end up trying to bail out the Mediterranean Sea with a toy bucket, and we lose ourselves in the other - eventually our emotional energy runs out and we either become ill ourselves, or end the relationship in an abrupt crisis, or a bit of both. Our inner boundaries are vital - no-one has the right to cross that boundary of our core self, but INFJs often let others across it without realising the risks and need to protect it consciously and deliberately. It can feel horribly unpleasant to do this, particularly if it involves changing our relationship with someone we know well, because it feels like it's selfish and contentious. It's not though - we can help others far better if we protect our inner self from being damaged and keep a reasonable emotional distance from them.



Haha! Last year, a few months after my 68th birthday. An interesting and rewarding experience. I've been familiar with MBTI for many years, but the type descriptions are not necessarily easy to identify with, and our behaviours can be cloaked by our home, school or work environments - and INFJs are dreadful chameleons of course. A big lesson I have learned recently is this one

Spoiler

Precious reply @John K !!!

 

[Noona]

Hi Noona and welcome to the forum (seeing as I haven't already said hello yet )

I've got a couple of quotes for you:

Spoiler

You have probably seen these sort of statements about INFJ already around the internet, but they ring very true. Reading through your posts, I suspect you will identify very easily with them.


This is soooo normal for INFJ. It gives us a perspective that seems to be just a bit outside the world - I often feel as if I was never really fully born in to it. That means we see it from a perspective that others can't see - the others just won't understand because it's like asking someone born blind to appreciate the colours in a glorious sunset. On the other hand we can see the world easily as other people do, and we can see how they fit into it better than most, so we have great insight into many of them but they cannot really see us. The gift is both a blessing and a curse - the choice is ours which we adopt habitually, though the curse will often give us a bite anyway. I grab the blessing with both hands and run away with it . Another quote ....

Spoiler

You haven't said enough about the actual situation for a clear view, but it smells to high heaven of a potential empathy trap. INFJs bring other people's personalities inside them, particularly people that they care about in some way. The other's emotions and problems become ours if we aren't careful, and we can end up not knowing which are ours and which are the other's - we can even start to lose our sense of personal identity that way. Fortunately most people we come across in life don't resonate with this - they are grateful for the care that flows out of us but they don't take undue advantage except maybe in practical terms. There are others though that do the opposite of what we do - they project their deep problems onto other people, and for those an INFJ is like food to a starving person. We can become the (unconscious) source of a solution to their emotional and existential problems and they externalise them into us. If we (usually unconsciously) accept this it's like we end up trying to bail out the Mediterranean Sea with a toy bucket, and we lose ourselves in the other - eventually our emotional energy runs out and we either become ill ourselves, or end the relationship in an abrupt crisis, or a bit of both. Our inner boundaries are vital - no-one has the right to cross that boundary of our core self, but INFJs often let others across it without realising the risks and need to protect it consciously and deliberately. It can feel horribly unpleasant to do this, particularly if it involves changing our relationship with someone we know well, because it feels like it's selfish and contentious. It's not though - we can help others far better if we protect our inner self from being damaged and keep a reasonable emotional distance from them.



Haha! Last year, a few months after my 68th birthday. An interesting and rewarding experience. I've been familiar with MBTI for many years, but the type descriptions are not necessarily easy to identify with, and our behaviours can be cloaked by our home, school or work environments - and INFJs are dreadful chameleons of course. A big lesson I have learned recently is this one

Spoiler

HI, nice to "meet" you and thanks for reply. You gave me lot of hints to think about.

I will be Honest, I'm not really sure I'm an INFJ, the tests are never accurate but it's the only result I've received in the many times I've tried again in recent years. Right now I just see the negative part, as if nature took me and threw me in the midst of these people without giving me a way to defend myself, trying to learn at my expense how the world goes.

I'm good at adapting to the world and people by being able to study the various situations without really knowing how I've managed it in recent years, maybe closing myself in the depths and protecting myself in my introverted being.

I practically locked myself in the ocean of shadows that others left inside me. A nightmare.
I can close the door to the emotions of others but unfortunately I also close the door to my emotions and when it happens it is terribly destabilizing. I can close it for a short time but when it reopens it's hell for me.

I lack balance and I'm aware of that. How have you been able to get by all these years without getting eaten or self-destructing?

I've come to a point where I'm re-evaluating all my values. I lost years of my life behind people who didn't think twice before trying to destroy me.

Perhaps this natural attitude that we have to give ourselves totally to others is wrong. And it's hard to go against something that's instinctive, it's hard to think of ourselves without feeling remorse and without others making you weigh it up as if they were demanding our lives as if it were their right.

Aish..... I'm sorry I was a little explosive to write, but if it sounds like I'm attacking you, I'm not doing it. I can't express myself well in this language and I feel helpless, I hope to improve in English as well. I wanted to thank you for the words, I'll think about it

 

[Skrimpshidy]

I just got out of a situation just like that. I know I said that already.

What it lead to for me was returning to alcoholism and a mental breakdown that made me go full monkey tilt on everyone involved. It was not pretty.

Now, I sit alone in a hotel sober as Bill W.
My mind is clearing. My future looks good. I’m relieved, though still heartbroken from a lot. It cost me the love of my life on top.

However, I’d rather fly a sign on the side of the road with a shopping cart full of my junk than ever return to that living situation.

Sometimes there’s more to life than a bed and a roof. What good is it to keep yourself in abuse! I’m glad you have things to keep your mind occupied.

I had those too. But raging rivers erode the hardest stones.

 

[John K]

Aish..... I'm sorry I was a little explosive to write, but if it sounds like I'm attacking you, I'm not doing it. I can't express myself well in this language and I feel helpless, I hope to improve in English as well. I wanted to thank you for the words, I'll think about it

You don't at all sound like you are attacking me Noona - you sound like someone who is a bit lost and searching anxiously, but isn't sure where to look. You are expressing yourself well considering English is not your first language, and the pain you describe is vivid. What I gave you is pretty general to many INFJ folks, but the way you described your situation it sounded like it could be relevant. Some of the thoughts I gave you are much easier to say and read than to live, particularly the big issues around protecting our boundaries.

I will be Honest, I'm not really sure I'm an INFJ, the tests are never accurate but it's the only result I've received in the many times I've tried again in recent years. Right now I just see the negative part, as if nature took me and threw me in the midst of these people without giving me a way to defend myself, trying to learn at my expense how the world goes.

I haven't found the MBTI tests very useful: mine always come out at the type I currently think I am - I found that the descriptions of the type dynamics in guide books were much more helpful.

Spoiler

When I first starting thinking INFJ for myself I was unsure at first and in the end I went like this (very simplified):

• Definitely introvert, no contest
• Thinks in big picture form, likes metaphors and images, notions appear out of nowhere, pretty mystical when it suits me, but very grounded in science and technology too - plus, gets overwhelmed by too much sensory input, lives in a dream even when out and about, my shins are a mass of grazes from bashing into things, hates large noisy groups of people, feels like an alien among extraverted sensors. So inferior Se, probably dominant Ni
• Avoids conflict, instinctively concerned about others and their wellbeing, sensitive to atmosphere. Gets into empathy traps. Pretty good at getting others to do things for me. Instinct is to decide based on what people need more than logic in group situations. So definitely F rather than T secondary.
  
• But gets into constant internal analysis of things, even when I should be asleep - constantly solving problems and fretting over them, what-iffing, worrying about the future and playing out scenarios in my head, so definitely Ti there too.

I joined the forum at that point and started consciously using Fe, and it just came naturally, so that sealed the deal of INFJ for me. It was this conscious trying it out among a community of other INTJs, and some really good interaction with them, that really worked. This took about 6 months I guess in total.

I lack balance and I'm aware of that. How have you been able to get by all these years without getting eaten or self-destructing?

I've come to a point where I'm re-evaluating all my values. I lost years of my life behind people who didn't think twice before trying to destroy me.

It would be great wouldn't it if HSP empaths were identified when they were teenagers and taught how to manage themselves before they get hurt. My gut feeling is that the best way to learn how to manage our boundaries is like we learn to walk as a toddler, by trial and error and with some bumps and tumbles ..... it would be great if we got help, but alas this doesn't happen. I've certainly gone too far in the past and nearly gone under by identifying too closely with my wife who has a chronic anxiety disorder that flares up in episodes that need extended hospital stays - backing off to a safe distance was the only way I could take care of myself and her too. It was a very hard thing to do in the middle of a crisis and cut both of us up badly at the time, but it was very necessary - we had two young children then and I had to consider them as well as the two of us. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The challenge is that if you use F alone, you are likely to be either all in or all out and very emotional about it - it has to be a rational tough-minded T decision as well, which feels very unnatural and non-sympathetic, but thinking the way through gives us an objective perspective that can sidestep all the extremes of emotion that we and the other are feeling . The way you talk about re-evaluating your values could well be a part of this sort of process. There are tricks we can play with ourselves psychologically that can help a bit - as an analogy, think of a compassionate surgeon who may have a lot of sympathy and care for a patient, but has to hurt them by operating on them in order to help them.

You are not alone in the things you describe that are troubling you - I hope that just sharing and talking about it with people (here in the forum for example) who understand can be a big help in itself.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

It would be great wouldn't it if HSP empaths were identified when they were teenagers and taught how to manage themselves before they get hurt. My gut feeling is that the best way to learn how to manage our boundaries is like we learn to walk as a toddler, by trial and error and with some bumps and tumbles ..... it would be great if we got help, but alas this doesn't happen.

My love to all of us who are sensitive

My heart is crying out right now.

 

[John K]

My love to all of us who are sensitive :3::3white::3:

Great song my friend

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Great song my friend

That's another. Love Portishead.

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

*hugs everyone*
I'll let you in my arms, but not my heart!

 

[Pin]

My ego is massive.

Is yours?

 

[Noona]

I just got out of a situation just like that. I know I said that already.

What it lead to for me was returning to alcoholism and a mental breakdown that made me go full monkey tilt on everyone involved. It was not pretty.

Now, I sit alone in a hotel sober as Bill W.
My mind is clearing. My future looks good. I’m relieved, though still heartbroken from a lot. It cost me the love of my life on top.

However, I’d rather fly a sign on the side of the road with a shopping cart full of my junk than ever return to that living situation.

Sometimes there’s more to life than a bed and a roof. What good is it to keep yourself in abuse! I’m glad you have things to keep your mind occupied.

I had those too. But raging rivers erode the hardest stones.

Things just run out of our hands, I'm really glad you got out of a similar situation, that gives me strength and courage. It's easy to just leave things as they are without finding a way out. I think I'm overwhelmed by my own interests just to escape somehow without actually facing the problem but how you said "raging rivers erode the hardest stones", so, let's fight. don't be only a stone

 

[Noona]

You don't at all sound like you are attacking me Noona - you sound like someone who is a bit lost and searching anxiously, but isn't sure where to look. You are expressing yourself well considering English is not your first language, and the pain you describe is vivid. What I gave you is pretty general to many INFJ folks, but the way you described your situation it sounded like it could be relevant. Some of the thoughts I gave you are much easier to say and read than to live, particularly the big issues around protecting our boundaries.

I haven't found the MBTI tests very useful: mine always come out at the type I currently think I am - I found that the descriptions of the type dynamics in guide books were much more helpful.

Spoiler

When I first starting thinking INFJ for myself I was unsure at first and in the end I went like this (very simplified):

• Definitely introvert, no contest
• Thinks in big picture form, likes metaphors and images, notions appear out of nowhere, pretty mystical when it suits me, but very grounded in science and technology too - plus, gets overwhelmed by too much sensory input, lives in a dream even when out and about, my shins are a mass of grazes from bashing into things, hates large noisy groups of people, feels like an alien among extraverted sensors. So inferior Se, probably dominant Ni
• Avoids conflict, instinctively concerned about others and their wellbeing, sensitive to atmosphere. Gets into empathy traps. Pretty good at getting others to do things for me. Instinct is to decide based on what people need more than logic in group situations. So definitely F rather than T secondary.
  
• But gets into constant internal analysis of things, even when I should be asleep - constantly solving problems and fretting over them, what-iffing, worrying about the future and playing out scenarios in my head, so definitely Ti there too.

I joined the forum at that point and started consciously using Fe, and it just came naturally, so that sealed the deal of INFJ for me. It was this conscious trying it out among a community of other INTJs, and some really good interaction with them, that really worked. This took about 6 months I guess in total.

It would be great wouldn't it if HSP empaths were identified when they were teenagers and taught how to manage themselves before they get hurt. My gut feeling is that the best way to learn how to manage our boundaries is like we learn to walk as a toddler, by trial and error and with some bumps and tumbles ..... it would be great if we got help, but alas this doesn't happen. I've certainly gone too far in the past and nearly gone under by identifying too closely with my wife who has a chronic anxiety disorder that flares up in episodes that need extended hospital stays - backing off to a safe distance was the only way I could take care of myself and her too. It was a very hard thing to do in the middle of a crisis and cut both of us up badly at the time, but it was very necessary - we had two young children then and I had to consider them as well as the two of us. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The challenge is that if you use F alone, you are likely to be either all in or all out and very emotional about it - it has to be a rational tough-minded T decision as well, which feels very unnatural and non-sympathetic, but thinking the way through gives us an objective perspective that can sidestep all the extremes of emotion that we and the other are feeling . The way you talk about re-evaluating your values could well be a part of this sort of process. There are tricks we can play with ourselves psychologically that can help a bit - as an analogy, think of a compassionate surgeon who may have a lot of sympathy and care for a patient, but has to hurt them by operating on them in order to help them.

You are not alone in the things you describe that are troubling you - I hope that just sharing and talking about it with people (here in the forum for example) who understand can be a big help in itself.

I found lots of articles about INFJs and tips too, I found the description of myself and I sounded very scary .... I found out lots of differences between INFJs too. Maybe I just don't accept myself and I really want to do it, I want to know more about myself and Eliminate my weaknesses.

HSP.

I know I Was an Highly sensitive person Ever since I was a kid. There was a woman who looked after me daily, like a nanny, I remember that, one day, she sat next to me smiling and telling me that she was like me too. I didn't understand her soon but, Over the years, I've experienced it With the knowledge of what it was, and sometimes I would have wanted to turn it off feeling like a Nature's joke, hahahaha, I'm laughing at my own thoughts. Well.

From your story I can understand that we can not escape situations that put us at odds and contrast with ourselves. As if it were all a process, a stage to overcome. The only problem is getting out of it in the best possible way.

Honestly, I'm finding it really useful to read stories and advice that are not from experts or psychologists but from lives that have really lived. Theory is always different from practice and you can't study everything from books, can you?

 

[mintoots]

hahaha

I'm here again to bother all of you 'cause yes!

ONE QUICK QUESTION!

ONLY ONE .....

When you realized you are an INFJ???? When and how????

My INTJ boss was obsessed with categorizing her team according to sanguine-cholerics/phlegmatics/melancholics until someone finally found MBTI. Our team took it and viola! I've been taking it regularly since then. The most common result I get is INFJ though I have on several occassions gotten an ENFJ, INTP, and INFP result. I take it on the same platform so go figure. Personally, I associate more with INFJ, especially my people pleasing tendencies, my drive towards righteousness, my annoyance of details (sometimes) and sometimes my obsessions over it. all the while my learning patterns involve macro understanding. If I can't find the bigger picture or meaning, I'm lost. Math was particularly hard for me in the beginning until I accepted the rules of logic. Physics I could explain the phenomenon and it was all easy to understand but I never get my formula right. So, I often ace my physics essays and fail all the computations. Lol. Philo is astounding and full of possibilities to me. Ah it's confusing.

 

[mintoots]

*hugs everyone*
I'll let you in my arms, but not my heart!

INFJ spotted

My ego is massive.

Is yours?

 

[mintoots]

I feel bad that you are in such a situation @Noona. Honestly, it took a lot for me to figure out how to do it but at the most basic level, I would advice that you learn how not to care. Just watch them burn and laugh. Hehe. Am I offensive? Sorry I don't mean that. Don't I?

 

[Noona]

I feel bad that you are in such a situation @Noona. Honestly, it took a lot for me to figure out how to do it but at the most basic level, I would advice that you learn how not to care. Just watch them burn and laugh. Hehe. Am I offensive? Sorry I don't mean that. Don't I?

hahaha I think it's a good Idea to just watch. I will probably start to learn how to care about myself. I don't want to hurt anyone, just be cold to everyone who deserve it

 

[Noona]

My INTJ boss was obsessed with categorizing her team according to sanguine-cholerics/phlegmatics/melancholics until someone finally found MBTI. Our team took it and viola! I've been taking it regularly since then. The most common result I get is INFJ though I have on several occassions gotten an ENFJ, INTP, and INFP result. I take it on the same platform so go figure. Personally, I associate more with INFJ, especially my people pleasing tendencies, my drive towards righteousness, my annoyance of details (sometimes) and sometimes my obsessions over it. all the while my learning patterns involve macro understanding. If I can't find the bigger picture or meaning, I'm lost. Math was particularly hard for me in the beginning until I accepted the rules of logic. Physics I could explain the phenomenon and it was all easy to understand but I never get my formula right. So, I often ace my physics essays and fail all the computations. Lol. Philo is astounding and full of possibilities to me. Ah it's confusing.

OMG this way of categorizing people like things is just lil too much however it's not confusing for me the last part. It's your point of view and how you approach things, I like it

 

[G4RiiM]

I would have wanted to turn it off feeling like a Nature's joke, hahahaha, I'm laughing at my own thoughts. Well.

You're not a "joke" the nature of things can turn out to be simple and beautiful, or at least pure. People dont always appreciate nature enough. Laughter is good medicine

From your story I can understand that we can not escape situations that put us at odds and contrast with ourselves. As if it were all a process, a stage to overcome. The only problem is getting out of it in the best possible way.

At times I've viewed the hardships in my life as a tool that shaped and molded me to what I was at that moment. At times I liked what I had become, other times I dont.

I come from a house I consider to be a broken home.. I think the first time I rly tried to run was when I was 17-ish trying to join the army..

I hope you can keep your head cool amidst the chaos.. You are worth something uknow

Honestly, I'm finding it really useful to read stories and advice that are not from experts or psychologists but from lives that have really lived. Theory is always different from practice and you can't study everything from books, can you?

I can relate to that..

ust be cold to everyone who deserve it

Just dont be cold too long or risk hypothermia

 

[Noona]

You're not a "joke" the nature of things can turn out to be simple and beautiful, or at least pure. People dont always appreciate nature enough. Laughter is good medicine



At times I've viewed the hardships in my life as a tool that shaped and molded me to what I was at that moment. At times I liked what I had become, other times I dont.

I come from a house I consider to be a broken home.. I think the first time I rly tried to run was when I was 17-ish trying to join the army..

I hope you can keep your head cool amidst the chaos.. You are worth something uknow



I can relate to that..



Just dont be cold too long or risk hypothermia

I think it too, I used to see the best part in eveything and everyone, maybe I'm just overwhelmed by others feeling and my vision has darkened..

ah…. I'm not the only one who tried to run away from somewhere umh?!

(my mind is processing some twisted thoughts that I can't understand at the moment hahaha)

(i'll be back cool and warm maybe)