On Raising ENTP Children | INFJ Forum

On Raising ENTP Children

S

Shai Gar

1. DON'T LIE! (lies to children to help them understand count as lies, and they'll never believe you know anything at all if you tell them something they find out later to be inaccurate and won't trust you)

2. Provide them a GOOD library of books, above their reading level, and a GREAT dictionary, thesaurus and grammar book. The dictionary, thesaurus and grammar books should each be at least one volume. More is better. My dictionary is 4 volumes, each 4 inches thick, 14 inches tall, small writing.

3. If the kid shows budding potential with regards to music, and has found a non-standard method of learning by himself, let him, don't stop him from his own methods.

4. Get him enrolled in a traditional scouts if you can. None of this Eagle Scouts or american spinoff of Boy Scouts.

5. explain that even though he might feel silly or too old to start a new skill, it's better to start as soon as possible. This is in reference to computer science, biology, partner dancing, martial arts...

6. Provide an extensive library, including intelligent graphic novels from Vertigo, ask your comic store owner for mature books with no sex.

7. Support his interests, even when he shows only a little interest in them, often he'll hide the interest for fear of being thought weird, different, or too fickle.

8. Don't indoctrinate him into any religion, but provide a library of every "holy book" you can find, even Satanism, or Yazidi.

Wolfe, Deathjam, Lucifer, Onotari, got anything else to add?
 
Thank you VERY much for this thread Shai Gar! I have a son who just turned 5 and I'm convinced he's an ENTP. I'm taking notes on everything you just said and I'll be diligent in promoting his independence and giving him the encouragement he needs. The DON'T LIE suggestion is VERY true. He loves books and now that I see how important it is for him (especially since it's associated with his personality type) I'll be getting him books that are more advanced for his age. :)

I just have one little question if you don't mind answering. On #7 you say Support his interests, even when he shows only a little interest in them, often he'll hide the interest for fear of being thought weird, different, or too fickle.
He's subtly suggested a couple times in the last few weeks an interest in taking ballet classes. I wanted to sign him up in a martal arts school instead. Should I just let him take the ballet class? I don't want to discourage him from voicing his interests?
Thanks again! :)
 
Ballet is good for balance, acrobatics and precision.
Mum signed me up to both Gymnastics, Ballet and Tae Kwon Do as a 5 year old. I benefited from all.
 
Awesome! I'll do both then. :D Thanks for quick reply!
 
I agree with all of them... especially number 1. I don't trust people in my family (except my father - ISTP; and Little Brother - ESTP) at all. Hell, I trust you guys more then I trust most of them.

9. If an ENTP kid comes home from school with a wade of money. Don't accuses him of stealing it. ENTPs know how to hustle anyone, and (I know I did) we like to do it while we're young.

Think Tom Sawyer.

I was a 'consultant' at school, and I'm still one. If you need anything just ask... there will be a price though.

10. ENTP children are the reverse. We're Mature, then Chaotic, then when we reach our Teenage years we balance it out. We're said to have an old soul...

11. Pranks... We love them.
 
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That's not really true.

ESTPs need to be raised with physical challenges and not mental.
ENTPs need all types of challenges but like Mental more then Physical. I loved puzzles when I was 5.
Raising an INFJ as a thinker and you get Daring.

:m027:
 
Ookami said:
That's not really true.

ESTPs need to be raised with physical challenges and not mental.
ENTPs need all types of challenges but like Mental more then Physical. I loved puzzles when I was 5.
Raising an INFJ as a thinker and you get Daring.

:m027:
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So you say if you raise an INFJ as a thinker, they are more daring than an INFJ not raised as a thinker? Well then why should you raise any child one way when you can develop other traits in them by challenging their natural preferences for functioning?

Seems that not raising by the book based on temperaments would make one more well rounded.

Besides, how do you really even type children? Temperaments can be noted in children, but type is different.
 
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Ookami said:
That's not really true.

ESTPs need to be raised with physical challenges and not mental.
ENTPs need all types of challenges but like Mental more then Physical. I loved puzzles when I was 5.
Raising an INFJ as a thinker and you get Daring.

:m027:
Click to expand...


All children need equal mental, physical and emotional stimulation. You can't set out and try to "raise" a type of personality. Personality is tricky to pinpoint because it can be a combination of any number of things, partly nature, partly nurture, and largely a subjective perception of experiences which, as a parent, you can almost never quite control.

Children will simply begin to show preference for certain activities as their personality becomes more apparent. A parents' job is to help cultivate any natural talents, and encourage positive interests while correcting negative, dangerous behaviours. The perception of what those positive and negative traits and behaviours are, however, dependant entirely on the parent. Some parents might conceive imagination to be a frivilous activity, for example, and try to enforce more activities that engage reason rather than emotion. Some children might assimiliate to their parents' wishes; others may rebel or end up internalizing their unhappiness.

Knowing your child's type might help you understand and appreciate who they are as individuals. For example, perhaps an INFP child might not mind staying indoors, and using their imagination; there's nothing "wrong" with them not being as excited about being social as the other kids (although gently encouraging them to make friends might help them become more comfortable in social situations). Meanwhile, I imagine that most ENTP and ESFJ children might always be on the move, but arranging for periods of time when they have to sit and entertain themselves might teach them more patience and self-awareness.

But this is just speculation; neither of us holds a doctorate in psychology or early childhood education to really tell parents, with any certainty, how to raise a child. Or, for that matter, to speak with any sort of conviction about the different childhood personality types across the rest of the MBTI spectrum. Especially when the lot of us don't have children of our own, or who have only dabbled in MBTI theory for a few months.

I think Shai's original plan was just to offer parents a glimpse into some of the behavior patterns that an ENTP child might engage in or activities they might enjoy from his own experience and what he wished his parents could have done differently.
 
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Alcyone asked me in MSN what "If I could go back in time, and help to raise me, how would I do it different?"

Because she has a suspected ENTP son. I reposted here so that others who might have the same could read.
 
In response to one of the comments made regarding raising children according to a 'type'....I just want to add my 2 cents to the topic.

I am aware that there is lots of maturing and evolving left to do in my children. However, even at ages 3-8 I've noticed that there are some traits that seem to be raising dominant in each of them. I'm not trying to pigeonhole them into a personality type and then choreograph the rest of their lives based on my assumption of their personality.

But I do want to be able to support each of them individually in the way that best suits each's temperment.

Of my four I have three probable extroverts and one introvert. I see the merest hints of traits in them that are fully developed in the adults in this site. While I can't say for sure that my daughter is a Sensor, she definately shows more of the Sensor traits than she does Intuition traits (http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/sensing-or-intuition.asp). Am I going to try and 'change' her...HELL no! That's completely irresponsible of me as a parent.

But what I WILL do, is help her use her intuitive abilities along with her sensor abilities. And I will do the same for each of them.

As for what I asked of Shai, my youngest reminds me of the ENTP's (who are active) on this site. Doesn't back down from a fight, stands up for what he wants, intuitively problem solving, never have to guess what he's feeling....he speaks his mind. MY intuition asked 'I wonder if Shai or Lucifer was like this as a kid (sorry I can't wonder about Wolfe or Big O because I haven't been acquainted with them that long)'. So when I caught Shai on messenger I asked what he was like as a kid. And I asked how best to support the development of my possible ENTP kid.

As all the parents on here know, we want to do our best for our kids. I grew up feeling misunderstood, uncared for, unappreciated etc. I felt like the odd kid out. I still do. I am not comfortable around my family. It's a painful thing to feel, but I can't seem to shake it. I don't want that for any of my kids. Especially for my 'difficult' child, the eldest son.

If I can use MBTI as a guideline to do better for my kids than was done for me, If I can use it to understand how to work with them, in the way they will best respond to, then I'm going to use it. I'm not going to get a do-over in the parenting game, so I'm going to take every advantage I can get.
 
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Alcyone,

Pegging a child as introverted or extroverted is actually a little tough to call. When I was little, I was EXTREMELY extroverted and knew no bounds. I would walk up to some random person in the store and just start talking to them. As another example, a girl I went to elementry school with was very very shy and quiet, but she is one of the most extroverted people on the planet now.

I'm sure you see this as parents can be sneaky, but the best way to tell would be to see them by themselves and how they act. Even at a young age I was very confortable on my own and wouldn't think twice about it. However, because I was so sociable, it made it hard for people to tell.
 
Apparently so ^_^'

See, I look at it in that I knew no embaressment, and I relate ease of embaressment to being introverted.
 
This is my own expireance, but....

ENTP's and Punishment

It will never work the way you think it will. Of course, depending on how you punish your darling ENTP child, they will stop doing whatever it is you wanted. The downside is that they will find something even more annoying to do out of spite for the punishment you gave them before.

I use to laugh at my parents when they sent me to my room or something. When I would get spanked, as soon as the pain was gone I was outside rasing hell again.

Punishment doesn't work well. Look for ways to teach the child the right ways and the right things to do, not punish them for doing the wrong.

Any other ENTPs agree?
 
Yep, 2nded. I got so use to punishment it started to not even phase me. Everytime they'd have to upgraded to something new. Belts -> Brushes -> Switches -> Paddles -> Air Paddles -> Melt Belts

and I'd just keep getting use to it. The pain would fade and I'd go back to whatever I was doing.
 
Ookami said:
Yep, 2nded. I got so use to punishment it started to not even phase me. Everytime they'd have to upgraded to something new. Belts -> Brushes -> Switches -> Paddles -> Air Paddles -> Melt Belts

and I'd just keep getting use to it. The pain would fade and I'd go back to whatever I was doing.
Click to expand...

Corporal punishment doesn't work for anybody, really. It doesn't induce respect, only fear. Often, that's followed closely by what you've also experienced: spite.

In your humble opinion, perhaps someone would be curious to know what sort of corrective measures would work for an ENTP?
 
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TheDaringHatTrick said:
Corporal punishment doesn't work for anybody, really. It doesn't induce respect, only fear. Often, that's followed closely by what you've also experienced: spite.

In your humble opinion, perhaps someone would be curious to know what sort of corrective measures would work for an ENTP?
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  • Talk to them, explaine to them what they did wrong and how to correct it. ENTPs are fast maturing kids too, treat them like they are older.
  • Guilt trips alwlays worked for me.
  • Ground them from friends. Social interaction is a must for ENTPs, if you take that away they will listen.
  • Make them do extra work that they don't like. Any job around the house, it's a two-fold thing... help them build up better work habits, and punish them for things they have done.
  • If your going to take away something like T.V. or video games... you might as well take EVERYTHING they own away. An ENTP can ALLWAYS find something to do to amuse themselves... taking away little things like that are an annoyance at best.
That's all I can think of...ENTP support???
 
"Because I said so" does not fly. Explain your reasoning completely. If it's dangerous, explain how and why. There may be ways to do fun things that aren't dangerous. If it's an expensive piece of equipment that requires training, offer that training.

The how and why are very important things to tell an ENTP if you want them to obey you with regards to something you consider dangerous.

Regarding insulting others inadvertantly, explain why it is insulting to them, and don't get embarrassed as to what you're explaining.
 
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Ortorin said:
  • Talk to them, explaine to them what they did wrong and how to correct it. ENTPs are fast maturing kids too, treat them like they are older.
  • Guilt trips alwlays worked for me.
  • Ground them from friends. Social interaction is a must for ENTPs, if you take that away they will listen.
  • Make them do extra work that they don't like. Any job around the house, it's a two-fold thing... help them build up better work habits, and punish them for things they have done.
  • If your going to take away something like T.V. or video games... you might as well take EVERYTHING they own away. An ENTP can ALLWAYS find something to do to amuse themselves... taking away little things like that are an annoyance at best.
Click to expand...

I think that sounds pretty universal, if you ask me; although the social thing may be indeed the only thing really tailored towards extroverted types.
 
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