My horrible INFJ boss

[Peace]

Not too long ago I had an INFJ supervisor. We discussed MBTI and she mentioned to me that she was an INFJ, although I had suspected that long before it was ever mentioned.

I bring her up for two reasons. One is that she was the first INFJ I had ever had real prolonged contact with in the real world. Second, I disliked her a great deal.

To put my regular disclaimer on, I don't expect that I can generalize my interactions with her to every INFJ. However, these were the following issues I had with her which I would love to discuss here.

1. Emotional expressions. It annoyed me to no end that my boss had a seemingly infinite number of facial expressions but there was no real discernible way to interpret what they meant. There would be moments when I would try to explain something to her and she would just stare at me with facial expression that was just completely unreadable. It also annoyed me that she could change her emotional expression so rapidly, as if she was living from feeling to feeling.

2. Passive aggressive behavior. Another thing that drove me nuts was that my supervisor would never mention when we weren't doing things the way she wanted, apparently to avoid conflict with us, and then she would explode on one of us and make a big show of it in front of all the others and leave use feeling like crap for the whole day.

3. Intolerance of task oriented people. I'm a task oriented individual and as long as you tell me what to do and the steps to do it, then I'm happy to get it done. But no, this supervisor seemed to have a great dislike of us task oriented workers and she would only tell us a couple steps and then tell us to ask her questions if we ran into any problems. Of course that often meant when she wasn't available we had to make assumptions, which often made her very angry, especially if they were wrong. But as per assertion 2, we wouldn't hear about it until later.

4. Revisionist. I was astonished to see that my supervisor actually remembered things differently than everyone else. If she made a mistake, then after the fact, she would remember a different accounting of what happened than everyone else, in which she was not responsible for the mistake.

5. Excessive care to detail. This supervisor created rules like "no incomplete sentences on paperwork" which continues to blow my mind since they were beyond and above what was necessary and added tedium to the work.

Those were just a few. So do you any of you see some of those traits in yourself? If you do, can you explain why? WHY?

 

[Agnostic Monk]

In my experience, the only people who can't get along with INFJs are those who treat others unfairly. So I don't think your boss really was an INFJ.

 

[GracieRuth]

1. Emotional expressions. My guess is that this just isn't your forte, but as an NT it's difficult for you to admit you have a shortcoming.

2. Passive Agression. I don't know if your example qualifies as passive agression. I think what you were really homing in on is a person's tendency to avoid conflict until they blow up. I do this on rare occasion if there is a compelling reason to put off a confrontation (Like it's not a good idea to quit choir 5 days before High Holy Days starts). If you narrow it to simple avoidance of conflict, I'd say this is more common among INFP's than INFJ's. For example, last Friday night I (INFJ) said "The Shabbat task force is forming. Get in touch if you have any ideas how to make our Shabbat experience more meaningful." The rabbi (INFP) was clearly worried that someone might take it like "She is implying that we don't have a meaningful Shabbat experience," and so he said "I just want to add the word EVEN, to make our Shabbat experience EVEN more meaningful." It's a good political move, but there is a part of me that just rebels against it. I just want to say, "Come on. There are some things about how we do stuff that just suck and need to be fixed. Let's not pretend everything is A-Okay when it's not."

3. Intolerance of others who have different work styles. I find this to be very antithetical to INFJ-ness. As an INFJ, I am more inclined to notice that others may need things delivered a certain way for their comfort, and I seek to accommodate that difference.

4. Revisionism. This is more a mark of immaturity and personality problems than any particular MBTI type.

5. Attention to details. I have no problem with attention to details. What I have a problem with is people who think they know the rules when they don't. A complete sentence is a good rule of thumb, but there are plenty of exceptions. For example, LISTS. You'll notice that each of these five points begins with a "sentence" which is incomplete, because I am listing your points. Good writing is important in business. I think your boss needs to go back to school.

 

[Sriracha]

1. Emotional expressions. It annoyed me to no end that my boss had a seemingly infinite number of facial expressions but there was no real discernible way to interpret what they meant. There would be moments when I would try to explain something to her and she would just stare at me with facial expression that was just completely unreadable. It also annoyed me that she could change her emotional expression so rapidly, as if she was living from feeling to feeling.

Yes, I can relate to this. It also makes me a terrible liar, the look on my face is the absolute truth in how I feel at that moment. I'd have to put a bag on my head if I didn't want people to read me. During my unreadable facial expression moments I am trying to process information. There is no feeling associated with this.

2. Passive aggressive behavior. Another thing that drove me nuts was that my supervisor would never mention when we weren't doing things the way she wanted, apparently to avoid conflict with us, and then she would explode on one of us and make a big show of it in front of all the others and leave use feeling like crap for the whole day.

This isn't being an INFJ, this is being downright unprofessional. Passive-aggressive behavior is the default or natural behavior of many people. It's extremely difficult to overcome. In my dealings with others I always take their feelings into account, you wouldn't dare see me berate someone in front of another irl.

3. Intolerance of task oriented people. I'm a task oriented individual and as long as you tell me what to do and the steps to do it, then I'm happy to get it done. But no, this supervisor seemed to have a great dislike of us task oriented workers and she would only tell us a couple steps and then tell us to ask her questions if we ran into any problems. Of course that often meant when she wasn't available we had to make assumptions, which often made her very angry, especially if they were wrong. But as per assertion 2, we wouldn't hear about it until later.

This just makes me think she is not aware of your differences. I am definitely not like this. If something needs to be done a certain way and correctly it will be stated (b/c I definitely don't find it productive if you do the work wrong and then I have to fix it later.) I can tell you my ISTJ husband is more like this, but at the same time he is not critical of the outcome (if it's wrong, he'll just fix it himself without complaint and damn himself for not giving better instructions.)

4. Revisionist. I was astonished to see that my supervisor actually remembered things differently than everyone else. If she made a mistake, then after the fact, she would remember a different accounting of what happened than everyone else, in which she was not responsible for the mistake.

Unprofessional, lacks the ability to take responsibility. I don't find this an INFJ trait ... we tend to be very self-critical.

5. Excessive care to detail. This supervisor created rules like "no incomplete sentences on paperwork" which continues to blow my mind since they were beyond and above what was necessary and added tedium to the work.

Here again ... I think the INFJ would look for the most productive way to finish the work, in a way that works for everyone involved. It could be that with what she was reading from all employees lacked consistency ... hence the need for a tedious rule.

 

[GracieRuth]

This just makes me think she is not aware of your differences.

Yeah, that's what jumped out at me as well. It makes me think she can't possibly be INFJ if her empathy is that flawed. ISFJ perhaps? That fits with her rule about complete sentences as well. (Although with further reflection, I see the possibility exists that the writing in her department is just SO BAD that she is resorting to grammatical cliches just to bring it up to a tolerable level.)

 

[Peace]

Hm...perhaps she is just an unprofessional ISFJ. Thank you for your input.

 

[This]

In my experience, the only people who can't get along with INFJs are those who treat others unfairly. So I don't think your boss really was an INFJ.

*Checks the confirmation bias box that he is indeed an INFJ* :nod: :nod: :nod:

Hm...perhaps she is just an unprofessional ISFJ. Thank you for your input.

Or ISFP or INFP or... get this...INFJ. I don't see most of the behaviors your talking about relating to type at all.

 

[knight in battle]

It also annoyed me that she could change her emotional expression so rapidly, as if she was living from feeling to feeling.

Sounds ENFP. I don't change my feeling expressions from one thing to the next unless I hear criticism or am harassed.

2. Passive aggressive behavior. Another thing that drove me nuts was that my supervisor would never mention when we weren't doing things the way she wanted, apparently to avoid conflict with us, and then she would explode on one of us and make a big show of it in front of all the others and leave use feeling like crap for the whole day.

If she is INFJ, she's using passive aggression because she waits till she has made a definite determination as to what the issue is and when to express her opinion. I don't see explosion as a common INFJ feature in positions of authority. I have led two different groups, and I never exploded at all but tried my best to find alternative solutions.

I had a supervisor who was exasperatingly controlling and would explode in criticism for minor details. All she wanted was the satisfaction of criticizing as opposed to finding solutions that would make it easier to get the job done. Her superiors apparently were too stupid to reign her in. I wonder if she was ENFJ. Power hungry bitch.

Those were just a few. So do you any of you see some of those traits in yourself? If you do, can you explain why? WHY?

If it's passive aggression in personal relationships, I have a sensitive temperament where frequent cutting remarks and insults are a drain on me. If avoidance and letting something go doesn't seem to be working, passive aggression is my next option. I find I need to be emotionally charged about an injustice before I explode, like when an ISTJ has a stick up his ass.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

]Intolerance of task oriented people. I'm a task oriented individual and as long as you tell me what to do and the steps to do it, then I'm happy to get it done. But no, this supervisor seemed to have a great dislike of us task oriented workers and she would only tell us a couple steps and then tell us to ask her questions if we ran into any problems. Of course that often meant when she wasn't available we had to make assumptions, which often made her very angry, especially if they were wrong. But as per assertion 2, we wouldn't hear about it until later.

You can call it "task-oriented" if you want. I call it "I need people to hold my hand through everything I do"
If you don't know how to do your job, that's your fault. I'm going to assume you are a young INTP. This just means you need to learn to understand things like common sense, and what a business wants from you. If your boss leaves a task open for you solve, it is your job to do so. If you do it in a way she doesn't like, you better be prepared to explain why you chose to do it that way.

Logic in favor of the business will always win (unless you're working for idiots). If your boss doesn't agree with something that favors business, I'm sure her boss will. Don't be scared to protect your job.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

In my experience, the only people who can't get along with INFJs are those who treat others unfairly. So I don't think your boss really was an INFJ.

You need to step outside of you narrow-minded self-righteous point of view.

A person who judges fairness within their own bubble of right and wrong, has no idea what fairness really is. But you being a J, I guarantee it wont stop you from doing so.

 

[grt$5vb]

I can't say your boss is giving me an infj vibe, but I am going to have to agree with o_q. It drives me insane when people need constant input to get anything done. Listen, or watch the first time, and then just try. I wouldn't put myself in a leader position, anyway, though. However I do realize that my standards are mine, and if I want something done to my exact specifications I should just make time to do it myself, or stop trying to control how everything is done, and just live with it. I have never yelled at anyone at work, and rarely in general. No thank you.

As for the facial expressions thing, get over it. Nitpicking.

 

[invisible]

yes, i think that a poorly developed infj can be just like this. no matter what type we are it takes a lot of work to develop as people. i still find that i need to work on expressing my emotions in effective and healthy ways and if i forget about maintaining that i slip back into passive aggressive explosive mode. just being an infj does not mean that you cant be an emotionally abusive shit head.

 

[invisible]

how come everyone is sticking up for the boss? yes we can get better at dealing with these sorts of situations, but hello, she revised history to her staff? hello, abusive red flag? she sounds totally bitchtastic! i sure would not want to work for her!

 

[knight in battle]

You can call it "task-oriented" if you want. I call it "I need people to hold my hand through everything I do"
If you don't know how to do your job, that's your fault. I'm going to assume you are a young INTP.

It's funny because I often checked with my bosses about how to do something and whether I was on the right track. I wonder if finding a job where hand-holding is good is the answer. In the meanwhile, it may be expected for the task-oriented employee to ask for clarification whenever necessary.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

how come everyone is sticking up for the boss? yes we can get better at dealing with these sorts of situations, but hello, she revised history to her staff? hello, abusive red flag? she sounds totally bitchtastic! i sure would not want to work for her!

I know an INTP can change, but INFJs are hopeless. I have no advice in that regard.

 

[invisible]

I know an INTP can change, but INFJs are hopeless. I have no advice in that regard.

:nod:

 

[Matt3737]

It would be nice if people didn't use mere hearsay to justify their belligerence, otherwise people might be tempted to retort.

Hearsay is information gathered by one person from another person concerning some event, condition, or thing of which the first person had no direct experience. When submitted as evidence, such statements are called hearsay evidence. As a legal term, "hearsay" can also have the narrower meaning of the use of such information as evidence to prove the truth of what is asserted. Such use of "hearsay evidence" in court is generally not allowed. This prohibition is called the hearsay rule.

This is of responses to other's responses. Obviously, [MENTION=4700]Peace[/MENTION] is the direct witness, though his testimony can be questioned.
I, personally, find the OP's story to be far too biased to be of any reliability though.

 

[invisible]

since when is this a court of law? i think we can get beyond the whole fallibility thing.

 

[Matt3737]

[MENTION=1814]invisible[/MENTION]

It's not, but when people start becoming rude to one another I'm more than happy to point out errors and faults in order to keep things civil.

 

[invisible]

oh! i thought that's what i was doing.