It seems that people who grew up in abusive households seldom move outside that type of domestic situation - they will even marry abusive spouses.
I presume, it's because that's what they are familiar with, and know how to operate in it.
Yes.
But it's not so much that they are familiar with it in the sense you consciously stick with what you know because you're "comfortable" with it.
They genuinely wish to avoid being in abusive situations.
The truth is - their brains were hardwired during the abusive period to such a degree that the thought/emotion process is perceived as the dominant way of being.
When the abused person is in a calm non abusive situations, their brain starts sending out the message that this "is not normal" for them. This person will then act out perhaps to create a situation in which they are attack (maybe verbally or physically) in order to satisfy the brains NEED for what it thinks is normal.
I read a research article on women in prison that demonstrated they had been abused, severely, throughout their childhood. In their adult lives, they repeatedly sought situations, even while trying not to, that brought them in close proximity to violence. Eventually they'd experience some kind of violence and then they'd retreat looking for a calm safe place.
People's brains became conditioned (if you will) - literally the neurons are hardwired together - to expect the behaviors enacted upon them as normal.
It's called learning the New Normal. Their baseline changed.
When this happens - the person (generally) does not have the ability to consciously Choose what's healthy for them - consistently - without help and the wisdom gained from knowing what's actually going on in their heads.
The hardwiring of the nuerons of the brain is a powerful presence in people's lives. It permeates many acts of humanity including addictions, idealogies, depression, and hatred/fear.
