misconceptions about guys/men and love | INFJ Forum

misconceptions about guys/men and love

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Gaze

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So, men of the forum and others who want to chime in :D, what are some common misconceptions about the way men view love and relationships, or how they interact with women.

Side note: Has anyone read Steve Harvey's Think Like a Man, Act Like a Woman and do you agree with his view of men and how they see women?
 
Its a misconception that men cant help themselves and fawn and oogle over women constantly and sex. This is just the way we socialize men into a role. Men who can think beyond what they are told as children don't need sex or women like that, they have other things to think about.
 
i have not read the book but i do have some experience with men, *ahem*
if you ask me, and you sorta did, lol, men have gotten a pretty bad rap on some things. the feminist movement is a real kick in the face for the most part because that isn't about being equal that's about being better. my opinion of course.
i understand women have had to fight for a lot of things, but i don't agree with the attitude that propels that fight a lot of times.
in the case of respect, one must command it as a human being, not demand it. it should not matter if you are male or female, you have to command it by your actions.
yes that's tougher for women, in some respects, but not in all and i think they've made the mistake of thinking they have to either be more manly or emasculate men to get where they want to be in life.
i know i know where are you going with this jgirl...
as a result of this imbalance men are scared shitless to be men the way they are naturally built to be. they don't know whether to be 'gentlemanly or chivalrous or let her find her own seat, or open her own door.
i honestly think that a large majority of men want to/like to 'protect and care for' women in their lives, at least the men in my generation do, but are afraid to be 'manly' because it's met with disapproval or worse.
 
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Cedar said:
So, men of the forum and others who want to chime in :D, what are some common misconceptions about the way men view love and relationships, or how they interact with women.
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I personally get tired of people telling me men and women innately want different things in a relationship and ought to be treated differently because of it. Socialization and conditioning are not valid excuses to dehumanize other people and never attune to individual needs. I exploded in class over this about a week ago while we were discussing Maslow, of all things! >.< Ingrates. I want to be someone's trusted companion, not a guardian angel or sleaze. Yeah, it's harder, but damn well worth it because everyone is free to be themselves.
 
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a common misconception, imo, is that a man loves his children less than a woman or doesn't want to be involved. I don't believe it. I know some men that are way more involved than their women and let's not forget single fathers.
 
My mother is a 60s child.
Brought me up to respect others, other races, sexual orientation, and not lastly women.

On the flip side, my paternal grandfather is old Italian. And my grandmother spent her life making breakfast, lunch and dinner at his beck and call. I grew up horrified at her servitude.

So, unlike a lot of guys I know, grew up with, etc. I can't imagine how they process.

So misconceptions about guys, I don't know. But I'd never consider staring at another girl. Not that they aren't worth looking at or even that I don't want to, just can't be disrespectful to my girl. I don't hawk all over where she goes or what she does. But funny she tells me every detail. Can't imagine cheating on her. So I get kinda pissed off when guys are characterized like its our propensity
to be liars, cheaters, etc. I know other guys that share my thoughts on this.
 
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as a result of this imbalance men are scared shitless to be men the way they are naturally built to be. they don't know whether to be 'gentlemanly or chivalrous or let her find her own seat, or open her own door.
i honestly think that a large majority of men want to/like to 'protect and care for' women in their lives, at least the men in my generation do, but are afraid to be 'manly' because it's met with disapproval or worse
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this is exactly my problem. I am young, but I was brought up(or it was my decision to get this way) to like the "classic" or gentleman way(I used to do some dancing, and even now I dance renaissance and medieval).
For me it gets the worst, when trying to speak to some unknown girl in my age. I don't know how to start a "modern" conversation, I prefer to be the classy guy, and few times I tried it.. everytime without success.

As for any misconception about men/love... I am a "love addict", I always need to have someone who I like/love. It often changes who it is, because when I don't get any feedback from her, I get sad so I am going to try luck with someone else. But I think, that if I got lucky to find any, I wouldn't even consider looking at another girl. I definitely wouldn't be the one to end the relationship.
 
The misconception women have that men don't really mean what they say. Women like to make things more than what it is while ignoring the straightforward answers given by a guy. If a guy is not into a woman and he expresses this in his voice, behavior and attitude; women need to take it for what it is instead of deluding themselves into telling themselves he will come around. This applies to all things;
- he says he doesn't want to commit - he really means that!
-he says he is not sure if he loves you - he really means it!
- he says he does not want a relationship but don't mind sleeping with you ; he really means it!


Ladies take it for what it is. Face reality and keep it moving. It ain't the end of the world.:m105:
 
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Rferraris said:
My mother is a 60s child.
Brought me up to respect others, other races, sexual orientation, and not lastly women.

On the flip side, my paternal grandfather is old Italian. And my grandmother spent her life making breakfast, lunch and dinner at his beck and call. I grew up horrified at her servitude.

So, unlike a lot of guys I know, grew up with, etc. I can't imagine how they process.

So misconceptions about guys, I don't know. But I'd never consider staring at another girl. Not that they aren't worth looking at or even that I don't want to, just can't be disrespectful to my girl. I don't hawk all over where she goes or what she does. But funny she tells me every detail. Can't imagine cheating on her. So I get kinda pissed off when guys are characterized like its our propensity
to be liars, cheaters, etc. I know other guys that share my thoughts on this.
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i'm a 60s child as well, and i think i understand where your mom was coming from. i have the same 'modern' attitudes about women's rights etc.
however nothing makes me happier than serving those i love. service is the most natural form of love. i feel my most fulfilled when i can make someone else's life easier or more comfortable. i want those around me to feel that it's the most wonderful place they could be at that moment.
so you see, servitude is in the eye of the beholder. i could be totally wrong, but perhaps your grandmother felt differently than you did about it?
 
myungpetrucci said:
this is exactly my problem. I am young, but I was brought up(or it was my decision to get this way) to like the "classic" or gentleman way(I used to do some dancing, and even now I dance renaissance and medieval).
For me it gets the worst, when trying to speak to some unknown girl in my age. I don't know how to start a "modern" conversation, I prefer to be the classy guy, and few times I tried it.. everytime without success.

As for any misconception about men/love... I am a "love addict", I always need to have someone who I like/love. It often changes who it is, because when I don't get any feedback from her, I get sad so I am going to try luck with someone else. But I think, that if I got lucky to find any, I wouldn't even consider looking at another girl. I definitely wouldn't be the one to end the relationship.
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hang in there, you'll find it. there are a lot of women who would appreciate a gentlemanly guy. maybe you just have to look at a slightly older age bracket. i see you are in your early twenties and that is a rare quality in someone that young.
(i do not mean that to be condescending btw it truly is rare in one's twenties these days)
 
An implicit misconception:

Women seem to think that men want, or need, to know about their (women's) personal/private problems/difficulties in minute detail, so as to become subjectively involved. Don't get annoyed, or think we haven't heard you, if we try to stay objective about what you tell us.
 
myungpetrucci said:
this is exactly my problem. I am young, but I was brought up(or it was my decision to get this way) to like the "classic" or gentleman way(I used to do some dancing, and even now I dance renaissance and medieval).
For me it gets the worst, when trying to speak to some unknown girl in my age. I don't know how to start a "modern" conversation, I prefer to be the classy guy, and few times I tried it.. everytime without success.

As for any misconception about men/love... I am a "love addict", I always need to have someone who I like/love. It often changes who it is, because when I don't get any feedback from her, I get sad so I am going to try luck with someone else. But I think, that if I got lucky to find any, I wouldn't even consider looking at another girl. I definitely wouldn't be the one to end the relationship.
Click to expand...


You're using outdated tactics friend. Gentlemen and Ladies went extinct, those rules don't apply anymore. Being classy is good, but you gotta update it. Classy just means having integrity and manner and being considerate of the people around you. Please do not mistake considerate for doormat like most men do.

Also, don't date women in your age group, date women younger than you.

Girls dont like nice-guys, trust me on this... and I am not saying to treat them like shit (the girls) but I am saying that you need to put yourself first. Your life is a show, do your thing and the people will want to be a part of it, then you choose who you let it, women included. "Get in where you fit in" is the mindset you should be using at your age when it comes to girls. You dont want to make women the center of your attention or your life, its a short road to heartbreak, trust me.

You are in a shitty age bracket for romance, it gets better though. I promise as you get closer to 30, its a buyers market and you wont be competing with guys who are more established as much. So my suggestion in your case would be to date girls who are 19-21 that way you have that advantage, but even then, no promises, 19-21 year old girls can often pull 25-30 year old guys with established money and experience. Thats why I suggest an attitude shift away from wanting girls to wanting status and experience and doing you.
 
solongotgon said:
The misconception women have that men don't really mean what they say. Women like to make things more than what it is while ignoring the straightforward answers given by a guy. If a guy is not into a woman and he expresses this in his voice, behavior and attitude; women need to take it for what it is instead of deluding themselves into telling themselves he will come around. This applies to all things;
- he says he doesn't want to commit - he really means that!
-he says he is not sure if he loves you - he really means it!
- he says he does not want a relationship but don't mind sleeping with you ; he really means it!


Ladies take it for what it is. Face reality and keep it moving. It ain't the end of the world.:m105:
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If he says "Don't wait for me..." it doesn't mean he's never leaving his wife, it means he's leaving his wife for one of your girlfriends!!!
 
Gentlemen and Ladies went extinct, those rules don't apply anymore.
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Since when? Not everyone is a part of the pop culture (absence of it).
 
I just want some sex

know what I'm sayin'?
 
subwayrider said:
I just want some sex

know what I'm sayin'?
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All you gotta do is to dress up like a rooster, be an asshole and buy a couple of drinks in some club on a weekend night to an appropriate person (let's leave it that)... The question is: is it worth it?
 
AhSver said:
All you gotta do is to dress up like a rooster, be an asshole and buy a couple of drinks in some club on a weekend night to an appropriate person (let's leave it that) The question is: is it worth it?
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I'm doing more for the survival of the species than those who don't, right?

Fe helps me consider the needs of others.
 
If you're talking about misconceptions, there are tons. You can make them up on the spot even.

If you're talking about common misconceptions I don't think there are anymore. Though none of the women I socialise with read Cosmopolitan so my experience might be misguided.
 
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