[INFJ] - Mental Health: NPD vs INFJ | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Mental Health: NPD vs INFJ

Discussion in 'Health and Wellness' started by Rigby, Jun 10, 2015.

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  1. Rigby

    Rigby Community Member

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    Hi, I am Meg. I try to stay bubbly and positive, also I am an INFJ. My dad has NPD, he just doesn't know it. And I don't know how to get out of the situation I am in, because it isn't good for me. My heart is really sensitive, and he is emotionally abusive at most times. I want to move to live with my grandmother and continue my education from there, but I don't know how. My grandma and mom have okay-ed it. But my dad would be SO upset... I just am confused right now. I need advice I guess? Or if any of you have a similar situation?

    Thanks :3


     
  2. Nixie

    Nixie Resurrected

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    I can see you are pretty young and honestly it's been a long time since I had those teen feelz and I'm not an infj. I will say that part of growing is being able to work at what you want to do in life, so my advice is to try. You seem to have made progress toward your goal by getting permission from others. If it is really something you think will cause immense problems, do it sneaky. Say you are going to live with grandma for the summer, to help out or whatnot, spend time. It will be easier to live there full time if you are already there and at the same time give you a chance to see how it works out with her. It doesn't have to be a grand blow up. :)
     
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    Rigby

    Rigby Community Member

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    Thanks!! :3
     
  4. muir

    Banned

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    There's a book called 'raising girls' by steve biddulph that might be worth reading

    Obviously it is looking at the father daughter (and mother/daughter) relationship from the perspective of a parent but that might provide you with some insight

    Girls and boys are undergoing hormonal changes during their teens and this can sometimes put them at odds with their parents who can seem unreasonable to the teenager

    It's not easy being a teenager but it isn't easy being a parent either

    Reading the book might help you see things from your fathers perspective because your age is probably one of the most stressful times for parents

    Their daughter is reaching sexual maturity, beginning to get interested in boys, might be being offered drink and drugs at parties and while all this is going on they also tend to stop communicating so well with their parents

    Children tell their parents most things but teenagers can withhold information at a time when their parents are most concerned about them

    This book i mention has a section relating to father daughter relationships at your exact time in life and how they can sometimes break down

    For this reason i think it might be worth reading and perhaps you could then hand it to your mother and get her to read it and maybe she can offer it to your dad to read?

    Ultimately as you grow up you are going to want to maintain a healthy relationship with your dad. So whether you move away or not it might be worth trying to build bridges with your dad
     
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  5. sassafras

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    If your father has NPD, realize that there's a pretty big chance that you've grown up with and developed co-dependent tendencies. Meaning, you will put other people's feelings and well-being first above your own and likely struggle connecting with an independent sense of self. Realize that loving yourself and putting yourself and your feelings first doesn't mean you don't care about your father, nor is your independence a threat to his well-being in anyway. Sure, he will be upset if you move out because with NPD he has come to depend on your attachment to him as a way to feed his ego but in the long run, you will be doing him a favor in making him confront himself. Meanwhile, you will also be contributing to your own growth and well-being by learning independence and self-love and removing yourself from an abusive environment and giving yourself a chance to focus on school and what is beneficial to you as a individual.

    TL;DR: Focus on YOU. Your dad will be mad but it will benefit the both of you in the long run even if it difficult to see at first.
     
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  6. Artisan

    Artisan Dares, Dreams, Does

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    Honestly I believe you should do what you think would be best for you in life.

    Just like most people, my life was not easy growing up, and the things I regret most are things such as not having been able to find a way to move out when it would have saved me from some of the worst blows I took. Blows that honestly I felt coming long before even fully realizing their extend. I was in a bad place even before then and if in all that time I had just managed to get one of my requests answered I think things would have turned out a lot less painful for me and I would have either dodged the blows or found an outlet.

    You took the steps already to gain permission. You did so because simply you feel a need to. Trust that, it is your intuition, instinct and for all intends and purposes it might as well be precognition. As for breaking it to your dad, you could always just tell him the truth which is that you need this to get some of your thoughts and feelings sorted out and to do so you need a change of scenery for a while.

    Whatever you decide, it will have its benefits and its setbacks, it won't be easy either way. But if your intuition/gut tells you to do something. Then I think it is wise to listen.
     
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  7. vgee1

    vgee1 Newbie

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    i think one of my parents show some narcissistic traits, not fullblown narcissism. there is love but also was neglect and other. even not being a fullblown narcissist was too much for me to feel stable. i think getting self sufficient as fast as one can in such situations is important. anything that practically helps one stand on one´s own two feet more. narcissists are mentally disordered and will drag you down.
     
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