Marriage was never supposed to be a fantasy in the first place. We came to see it that way mostly because of fairytales, courtly love, media and romance novels. Before that, marriage was a more practical institution. It assumed a certain level of responsibility going in, whether emotionally, socially, financially, etc. And to be honest, this argument that women were the only ones who suffered or sacrificed anything of themselves in marriage is misleading. There are probably quite a few men who didn't want to be married but because it was expected and it was the "manly" thing to do, and it was a sign of capacity to lead, they went along with it. I'm sure there were quite a few men who filled the role of husband and did what they were supposed to do because it was what was expected. This idea that only men had choices or power and all men were evil beings who lauded that power over women in marriage is not really true. It feeds into the tendency to present women as perpetual victims. Both men and women made sacrifices in marriage but in different ways. Men were always expected to do the physical or heavy labor whether or not they cared to or wanted to while women were always expected to fill the domestic roles whether they cared to wanted to. Marriage wasn't always a bad or negative thing for every woman in every society or culture. There were instances in some cultures or societies where women were not always some "victim" of marriage but gained fame, influence, or power from their marriage status and the privilege. Some marriages including political marriages, even if they were arranged, actually became great partnerships. Really depends on how people experienced their lives back then. People seemed more tolerant and capable of dealing with things then. Things we complain about today would be considered ridiculous by their standards. Of course in our culture looking back, we are judge and see only negative because the choices we have are different today. Of course, we believe in our modern world we are in a superior position but I a not going to speak for anyone from the past. Marriage is too often painted as some institution which is always only bad or oppressive in the past. But not everything was always so black and white. For some, it meant stability and survival. Statistics also show that people with partners tend to live longer and are usually healthier when they're older. So, there are benefits which go beyond financial, the supposed romantic aspects of love which is too glamorized, or other practical benefits. Honestly, people were more realistic about marriage back then before the medeival, courtly romantic period. Yes, in many cases, it was too much about filling roles, duties, and responsibilities but both sexes suffered disadvantages in one way or another. Those "women were the only victims of marriage" arguments fall too much into the category of men are evil, and women are pure and innocent. Many women took great advantage of their marriage status and made it work for them in times past. They were often the advisors or decision makers even if their partners were presented as the head of the house. Gender relations in marriage is a complicated thing. Both sexes have the potential to be abusive if not physically, they can be quite abusive emotionally. Again, since we are talking about marriage today, and clearly there are more options available to us than before, it's still going to depend on the two people in it and how it works out for them. Again, there are no guarantees.
