Males: Have you friendzoned women, and if so, why?

Matty

Matty

Permanent Fixture
MBTI
Intj
Question for the lads, but female members who have been friendzoned by men, please comment. Non binaries, jump in as well.

It seems like friendzoning women is a fairly rare thing for single/non-exclusive men. So when it happens, it's sort of interesting to know why... what made it so you just decided sex is off the table, even if the other is willing?
 
1. I actually would have been willing to have sex with the person, but I wasn't going to enter a relationship because I was interested in someone else at the time and was being stubborn about it.
2. Lack of physical attraction.
3. Combination of 1 and it just feeling out of nowhere/being unsure how to respond.
 
I've done it a few times over the last few years. I like to think I'm older and therefore wiser .. hopefully that is the case.

The reason generally was no real connection, no emotional link between us. They were eager to explore things and possibly thought there was a connection on their side, but I was wary and didn't commit as I've been down that rabbit hole before (where there was little emotional connection but everything else was great).

Hate to say it but I don't think you get a chance to friend-zone women. They find it hard to accept and generally don't want to be friends when friend-zoned. Yes, they say they'll be friends, but contact dwindles to nothing eventually.

A caveat on this is that this is from dating, and what is dating for but to find someone to have a relationship with. I think women are more laser focused on that than men are. Also men seem to have this thought that once friend-zoned that some extra work on their part will change the friendship status .. so hang around trying to persuade the woman that they ARE a good catch .. doesn't seem to work often, although I have seen it work! :laughing:
 
I'm more familiar with the bone zone
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Jk tho, I've even had to friend zone some dudes. Man I must be hot stuff.
 
Many moons ago, I grew up with two gals that were my friends. One always talked about her boyfriend I never saw, and I respected that. A few times she would drop by and help me paint inside my house, then go upstairs and go to sleep. When I was tired, I would behold her beauty a minute or two and wonder. Then I would cover her up, slip her shoes off, and crawl in beside her with my clothes on. I loved her so much I respected her. I miss her greatly.

The other one was in bed with someone already. Sometimes she would go out with different men. That one was simple for me: I did not want to share.

The three of us would party, and we would go to parties together. It wasn't easy, but I did feel like a King when they were with me. When we went camping with others, the guys hated it when they would both sleep in my tent. They felt safe with me.
Fond memories, they are. Wish I could see them.

Another I respected, though became intimate with and fell in love with, was under age. Too many miles separated us. I look back and hate myself for not going to her and leaving here. We wrote a lot, and we understood each other a lot.

Fact is, most would be better off without me. This is not low self-esteem.
 
I don't do freindzones as I find the practice to be pretty shitty to keep people around in limbo like that preferring real friendships rather than beta options. If they are crazy as a bag of cats and relentlessly needy being high maintenance I simply refuse to even bother at all especially those with very wide social circles as chances are they are likely cheaters or worse.
 
Friend zoning is a fairly rare thing with single men? Does your perception of men only include fuck boys and incels or something?
 
Roses In The Vineyard said:
I don't do freindzones as I find the practice to be pretty shitty to keep people around in limbo like that preferring real friendships rather than beta options. If they are crazy as a bag of cats and relentlessly needy being high maintenance I simply refuse to even bother at all especially those with very wide social circles as chances are they are likely cheaters or worse.
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I don't really think it's a practice. It really seems to be confused for what's known as stringing someone along, which isn't what being friend-zoned means. Friend-zoned is more of a phenomenon in social dynamics where two people were interested in each other, but neither party was aware of the other's true feelings and/or intentions at the height of things. By the time that one party does make their intentions clear, it's too late and the other has already moved on and no longer interested but still wishes to be in a platonic relationship. Sometimes that first move may never actually happen.
 
doppy said:
I don't really think it's a practice. It really seems to be confused for what's known as stringing someone along, which isn't what being friend-zoned means. Friend-zoned is more of a phenomenon in social dynamics where two people were interested in each other, but neither party was aware of the other's true feelings and/or intentions at the height of things. By the time that one party does make their intentions clear, it's too late and the other has already moved on and no longer interested but still wishes to be in a platonic relationship. Sometimes that first move may never actually happen.
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IE another form of purgatory except that it is just ridiculous as it often gets abused by some while others probably should be working things out before getting that involved. This is just one more thing that makes being human another job like everything else. Oh well I have little interest getting personally involved as lot of it is backward and have seen too many people get wrecked in some way or another including a suicide.
 
I can't fathom why a woman would pursue a long-term relationship with me. It's why I work hard to move forward professionally and academically.

When I was younger, I wasn't the biggest loser but I was definitely a loser though. That's because I didn't grow up with the advantage of wealth.

I just want to keep moving forward and finally make something of myself, I want to shake this loser feeling of mine and finally feel truly confident of my success.

It's gonna feel great to finally be a winner.
 
Roses In The Vineyard said:
I don't do freindzones as I find the practice to be pretty shitty to keep people around in limbo like that preferring real friendships rather than beta options. If they are crazy as a bag of cats and relentlessly needy being high maintenance I simply refuse to even bother at all especially those with very wide social circles as chances are they are likely cheaters or worse.
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Perhaps it isn't your intent, but what you express is in effect that you value not keeping friendships with people when two conditions are simultaneously met 1. You are not sexually attracted to them. 2. They are likely to be sexually attracted to you.

The implication of this is for example, an exclusively heterosexual male would not maintain friendships with women he is not attracted to, nor possibly with homosexual or bi men.

I'm not putting words in your mouth, but just drawing out how your principles are realised in their application.

For he most part I agree with that approach in terms of avoiding difficulties of the other person being potentially left with feelings I cannot reciprocate. On the other hand, there's a sense that friendship is valuable enough a thing, to risk the other person experiencing the difficulty of unrequited attraction, but only if they are willing to endure that, and if i think I can be supportive of that struggle, should it arise in them.

idk, it's all a bit fraught for me, because maintaining my solitude and detachment is sometimes hard work, and adding more emotionl burden can get too much, and I just react by doorslamming people whose demands exceed my abilities.
 
Pin said:
I can't fathom why a woman would pursue a long-term relationship with me. It's why I work hard to move forward professionally and academically.

When I was younger, I wasn't the biggest loser but I was definitely a loser though. That's because I didn't grow up with the advantage of wealth.

I just want to keep moving forward and finally make something of myself, I want to shake this loser feeling of mine and finally feel truly confident of my success.

It's gonna feel great to finally be a winner.
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I think while money never replaces love or holding your own baby.. things with which money cannot compare, it is also incredibly important to be self sufficient first. Imho that is the kiss of death, relying on a guy financially. If you remain self sufficient, IE - keep your house, car, furniture, & money then you can't have your life turned upside down at least in this significant manner.

Of course your heart is always at risk, but if you are self sufficient no one can atom bomb your daily existence as well. In this regard you have your order of operations on point, Pin.

And when marrying, people should prenup. It sounded unromantic & transient/ flighty to me once upon a time, but good lordins... it isn't.
 
Sometimes Yeah said:
Perhaps it isn't your intent, but what you express is in effect that you value not keeping friendships with people when two conditions are simultaneously met 1. You are not sexually attracted to them. 2. They are likely to be sexually attracted to you.

The implication of this is for example, an exclusively heterosexual male would not maintain friendships with women he is not attracted to, nor possibly with homosexual or bi men.

I'm not putting words in your mouth, but just drawing out how your principles are realised in their application.

For he most part I agree with that approach in terms of avoiding difficulties of the other person being potentially left with feelings I cannot reciprocate. On the other hand, there's a sense that friendship is valuable enough a thing, to risk the other person experiencing the difficulty of unrequited attraction, but only if they are willing to endure that, and if i think I can be supportive of that struggle, should it arise in them.

idk, it's all a bit fraught for me, because maintaining my solitude and detachment is sometimes hard work, and adding more emotionl burden can get too much, and I just react by doorslamming people whose demands exceed my abilities.
Click to expand...

I don't play games like this with people and I don't jump through all the mostly meaningless hoops and loops while in turn not putting others through it either. I don't see why people these days don't value nor even bother with trying to keep life simple at least in some aspects and it really shows as most these days have so much drama.
 
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