Maintaining Healthy Relationships With Extroverts | INFJ Forum

Maintaining Healthy Relationships With Extroverts

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Asa, May 5, 2016.

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  1. Asa

    Asa Resident palindrome

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    I'm curious about how other introverts maintain healthy relationships with extroverts.

    Extroverts and introverts often have different expectations for friendships and relationships, and find different behaviors offensive or disrespectful.

    Is it easy for you to maintain relationships (of any kind) with extroverts? Or do you gravitate toward bonding with introverts?
    From my experience, friendships seem to depend on the extrovert's understanding of introvert habits and needs, and the introvert's willingness to step outside our comfort zones.
     
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  2. PintoBean

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    With my one close friend who is ENFJ, I have found that honesty is the best policy. I tell her when I need to be on my own (I don't use the word introvert exactly). I am always careful to tell her it's not her I am avoiding if I am introverting, it's just I need more solitude than others. Also, sometimes she's offended me by acting "weirded out" or embarrassed by me socially_ she has a HUGE and very chic circle of friends, among whom I am like an elephant doing ballet (socially speaking). I just tell her that she hurt my feelings and we move on.
     
  3. Sinny

    Sinny Community Member

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    Good thread.

    They stress me so much, they take so much.

    Well, the Extroverted Sensors do at least, most especially the Feelers, additionally most especially the Judgers. Okay, okay, the ESFJ's are such fucking hard work.
    They live in such deluded little worlds.

    Some extroverts can energise me, with a good energy.. Others just drain.. it can depend on other aspects of the individuals personality.

    I maintain healthy relationships with most extroverts by telling them that I'm inclined to be a loner, and that they shouldn't set their expectations too high when it comes to me being social.

    I maintain healthy relationships with ESFJ's by nodding in agreement with their distorted realities.
     
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    #3 Sinny, May 5, 2016
    Last edited: May 5, 2016
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  4. OP
    Asa

    Asa Resident palindrome

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    I like [MENTION=13730]PintoBean[/MENTION]’s policy of honesty. It sounds like a healthy friendship if it is that honest and open and you can both get past the snags easily.

    I’m usually direct, like [MENTION=14074]Sinny[/MENTION], in letting people know I am an introvert. This is a recent decision, after years of trying to strike a balance with people.

    In my experience, getting along w/ extroverts depends on how well we both understand each other’s needs, and look after each other, and fails when one of us forgets the other behaves differently and has different limits and expectations.
    I kept wondering why I get along so well with an ENTJ and it is because she is in-tune with how introverts behave, and I respect her needs (and know what would irritate her) and alter my behavior accordingly.
    When I clash with extroverts, it is usually because I won’t, don’t, or “cant’”, do what they think is universally ‘normal’.
     
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  5. bolognamacaroni

    bolognamacaroni Community Member

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    This thread is phenomenal, [MENTION=14092]Asa[/MENTION].

    I’ve gone the majority of my life thinking I’m an extrovert. I really just wanted to fit in and have friends. I forced myself to be outgoing and gregarious.

    Its resulted in extreme burn out, depression, bouts of random prolonged solitude, and sudden, unwarranted ostracizing.

    It’s something I’ve always been extremely conflicted about. I have this outer shell where I want to be seen as bubbly, likable, approachable, strong, independent…

    Over the years I’ve learned I’m capable of being all those things while still respecting my needs for solitude. I’ve learned that it’s not a personality defect to be an introvert. I’ve learned how to explain that I’m not depressed just because I don’t want to be around people.

    I understand my limits around socializing much better now, and kind of hold people an arm’s length away. I know when my battery is running low, and in what ways I need to take care of myself to feel recharged.

    I’ve also become more aware of the ways people drain my energy. I’ve learned where to draw the line with socializing and how to politely walk away from the situation if necessary.

    In general, I really do enjoy extroverts. If they can get me out of my head and engross me in a fun activity or good discussion, we’re golden. I tend to love their zest for life and the energy they bring to the table.

    My two closest friends are extroverts. I’ve been friends with both of them for over 15 years. One is an ESTJ. The other is an ENTP. I’ve always had weird respect for Te doms. I love the straightforward, to the point, mean what you say attitude. And I find Ne doms extremely energizing in a good way. My interactions with them are always playful and fun.

    Fe doms are hit or miss with me. I can have a blast with them to a point, but they can be emotionally draining after a while. My favorite boss was an ESTP — Se/Fe can be really energizing for a bit, but then I tend to crash hard.

    I have to say I’m attracted to introversion like a month to a flame though. I want to bask in soft spoken, polite conversation. I want to be around people that understand my reservation and are comfortable filling the air with silence.

    I would say I flock to introverts. Extroverts flock to me.
     
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  6. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I give extroverts short, adequate, and intense bursts of attention; kind of like putting a flagging mobile device on quick charge for ten minutes.

    Giving an extrovert half an hour of half-assed attention is counterproductive for everyone.

    Conversely, I'd rather have ten minutes of utter silence and 'alone', than half an hour of 98% silence, with someone hovering about nearby.
     
  7. acd

    acd jezi baba

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    I actually find that I prefer extroverts at least for romantic partnerships. What I like is that they draw me out of my shell. So definitely agree that I had to be willing to step outside my comfort zone. And I was willing to do that.. After two relationships with other introverts (INFP and then an INTJ). When I met my SO, I liked that he was the "life of the party." Every so often, he needs to go out and do his own thing. That's important. I don't always want to go out. Sometimes he just wants to go see friends. I'm more than happy to sit at home doing my own thing.

    I can tell our son is an extrovert. He is not shy at all and doesn't get crabby when we are out all day. He seems to thrive on being around people and in new settings. He gets crabby it seems, if he's cooped up at home. So I take him to the store, go to the park, call a friend who has a son similar age and go for a walk. He just likes to get out. He loves other kids. If I take him to the doctor, he is fighting with me to get down to get to the other kids. It will be interesting raising an extrovert with an extrovert. In a parent/child dynamic, I guess I'll just see how his personality and interests unfold and then support those aspects of him.

    When it comes to a friendship dynamic, I probably click faster with introverts. I'm thinking of all my work friends, and those I've clicked instantly with were other introverts. It took a little bit of warming up to get closer to the extroverts.
     
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  8. Night Owl

    Night Owl This Bird Has Flown

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    As others have said, great thread!

    Romantically I've either been drawn to and have had drawn towards me, outgoing and passionate ENXX's or vulnerable Kristen-Stewart-like IXFX's. The dynamics are always different, but I've found those who are extrovert are a much better match for me. Either way I get drained, but I've found it better in such contexts for me to get drained by extroverts rather than introverts. There's also much to gain when compatible opposites unite.

    Acquaintance-wise and general friendship-wise, I gravitate more towards introverts, but predominately towards introverted-intuitives. In what I feel is often an E world ruled by ES' and IS' (I've no problem with this, good on them!), there seems to be this innate connection and mutual understanding between myself and many other INXX's. It's like I can feel them out and find them within a large crowd. I often enjoy side conversations with such persons in the midst of larger discussions.

    Yet I really value extroverts too. Indeed every person with their various 'types' are necessary and valuable. But I'd say, yet again, I click the most with ENXX's - we share the intuitive wave length, and my Fe/Se loves the externalized passion and enthusiasm - I can bounce off it for a while. What I like about extroverts in general is their energy and the ease with which one can converse with them -although, it can be hard with sensors since I find it hard to keep returning the tennis ball over the net when it involves everyday or non-abstract talk, and I my facial muscles are usually out of action after some time of Fe smiling. Sometimes it gets so bad around ESXX's that I can't even smile anymore - the intention is there, but the physical ability is not. That's when things get really akward!

    My best friend is an ENFP - fits the stereotype I know. He's one of the very very very few people I have no inhibitions at all around. I find him boring a lot of the time when he goes on about certain topics that have been spoken to death, and I drive him up the wall too on occasion - but that's great, it's all a part of human living, and it gives me opportunities to die to self in listening to him in sharing about that which interests him - besides, we always return to a topic of mutual interest. He respects my space, and is like a warden who ensures others know this if necessary. I'm very plain to friends I'm close with, and there's that mutual accommodation of oneself to the other which takes place - a vital part of any healthy human bond.
     
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    #8 Night Owl, May 6, 2016
    Last edited: May 6, 2016
  9. Night Owl

    Night Owl This Bird Has Flown

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    Oh, and I also like to sometimes keep my extrovert and introvert friend scenes apart:

    [video=youtube;uPG3YMcSvzo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPG3YMcSvzo&list=RDuPG3YMcSvzo#t=12[/video]
     
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  10. the

    the Si master race.
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    I do it by having my own life and they have a life so I dont need to be around them.
     
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  11. the

    the Si master race.
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    Some of my friends IRL I only interact with post by post on Internet forums.
     
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  12. dang

    dang LONE WOLF BAD ASS
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  13. just me

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    I must throw in the towel. There simply is not enough to go with here. There is so much difference in a healthy extrovert and a selfish extrovert. There is so much difference in a healthy extrovert and an angry one.

    In a perfect world...

    My German Shepherd understands me better than a lot of extroverts. I take him places and for rides. We walk and explore places. Ho looks to me for attention and gets my love for his understanding. When an extroverted, dominating person raises their voice at me, it drains me. When they complain all the time, it drains me. It is obvious I am there for them. From them? I am constantly learning about people. I get along better with my dog than a know-it-all who tries telling me what to do without a care for my feelings. I can be that way also when pushed too much, or when someone I love is pushed too much. Rather deal with a rude extrovert than a liar or a thief, though. They rank in a whole different pit to me.
     
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    #13 just me, May 18, 2016
    Last edited: May 18, 2016
  14. koizora

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    I have no idea. I don't have any extroverted friends. I'm probably too quiet for them, so I don't really attract them. :'D

    I did date an extrovert once, and it was actually very fun, so I prefer extroverts romantically (or introverts with ambivert tendencies like me), since they kind of help me get out of my shell and feel less insecure. As long as they can also respect my need for space sometimes, and won't push me if I'm in one of those moods. Extroverts who don't respect that are emotionally draining.

    My older sister is an extrovert and most of the times she visits I literally have to escape to my room or recharge when she's gone. She gives me an overload of information that is impossible to process in a short time, and she demands all of my energy and attention. If I don't get to escape I get cranky and she will notice it and take it personally, even though she knows I can't handle the way she communicates with me sometimes. I have no idea how to deal with extroverts like her without offending them. :/
     
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  15. Gaze

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    I agree with those who say extroverts would be good romantic partners because they are a nice compliment to introversion. However, some can be socially overwhelming. I think the best policy is set clear boundaries. Make time to hangout with the person, but ensure that you make time for yourself, so you don't feel overwhelmed. If each person respects the other's personality and is willing to give their partner what you need, and still allow yourselves to be independent, then there's no reason extroverts and introverts can't have a good relationship. Key is understanding and consideration.
     
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