Love/Friends- only motivation to succeed | INFJ Forum

Love/Friends- only motivation to succeed

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by DeadlyPacifist, Sep 24, 2009.

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  1. DeadlyPacifist

    DeadlyPacifist Regular Poster

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    A lot of people [esp those in AP classes], I'm simply unable to understand. They work so hard to get into a good college, so they can succeed according to society's norm and blahblah...but I don't feel that source of motivation unless I have close friends or someone I'm interested in, or love. They're the only "things" that motivate me to succeed...without other humans, I have no will to live.
     
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  2. AUM

    AUM The Romantic Scientist

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    Maybe you should be a teacher. You'll always be surrounded by other people.
     
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  3. Final

    Final Regular Poster

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    What if a concept could motivate you?

    For instance, recursion turns me on. Finally getting a programming project to run exactly to the specifications is an amazing feeling. Right now, I'm learning the history of Rhetoric, and it's amazing. Socrates and Aristotle believed what? OMG, I LOVE THIS CLASS!
     
  4. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    I understand. I feel this way right now, and I'm having a really tough time doing pretty much anything.
    We're all motivated by the desire to fulfill different needs.
     
  5. OrangeSkies

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    I somewhat feel the same way you're feeling and have actually pondered why it's so difficult for me to get motivated on my own at times. Often I'd get real excited over an idea such as trying to achieve a 4.0 GPA or making my school's basketball team, only for that fuel to burn off about a week later. I guess it comes down to understanding what you really want in life. I agree with Last Dawn's teacher suggestion. If your like me and are interseted in why people act the way they do, the social sciences are great. A social scientist is a perfect example of someone whose motivated by people and enjoys learning as much as possible about them.
     
  6. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    I don't think it's a problem that you don't feel motivated by society. If it pains you, then look the other way. Look for what does motivate you and follow that course. The things that SJs and their cronies chase after are of little consequence to those among us who prize humanity above power and its trappings. Let them have their toys and their games and focus yourself on your love and your people. You will find your niche, if only you don't give up on looking for it. :)
     
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  7. OP
    DeadlyPacifist

    DeadlyPacifist Regular Poster

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    I can't motivate myself if there's no one I'm close to D:. The "possibility" of it happening is logical, but it doesn't change my feelings >_<. It kind of troubles me sometimes when I understand the logic of smth, but it doesn't convince my feelings so I continue to feel crappy.
     
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  8. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    I feel the same way. Actually, what motivates many people is the feeling of inferiority or other negative emotions. Life is pretty meaningless without someone loving you.

    It is hell.
     
  9. OP
    DeadlyPacifist

    DeadlyPacifist Regular Poster

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    Occasionally I get a moment with the feeling of "I'll become the best to "show" the people who have looked down on me that I'm perfectly capable of doing what they think proves a person's worth!" But it soon passes, because I know that won't actually bring me much happiness. I don't revel in others' unhappiness much..x: Even if it's someone I really hate.

    It makes me seem desperate/clingy, how I think other humans are so important, but it's just the way I am >_<. Damn us for being the minority.
     
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  10. smiffy

    smiffy Community Member

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    I think I understand your point of view more than you ever know, accordingly I am a teacher. I can't to a job that hasn't got an observable positive effect on humans. I used to strive to be perfect all the time and I then asked would I demand any of my friends to be perfect 24-7? why should I hold such unrealistic expectations for myself for the purpose of being loved?

    To be loved is something that is often unexplainable some people will fall in love with you for your strengths and your corresponding flaws. I know the women I would fall for, other people can't understand why I like them and I usually know anyhow.

    I believe in self improvement to a point, but I'm sure you heard this all before but its about valuing yourself and making sure you do a job that means something to you and do fun stuff that you find fun.

    In short you seem nice, fuck society's demands and just be a good person and join stuff to have fun and meet new people!

    its a numbers game, If you join the stuff you like and meet like mind people you will give yourself a better chance to find someone who understands you well.
     
    #10 smiffy, Sep 26, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2009
  11. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Yeah. I've noticed there are INFJs who are strongly motivated by relationships. I think this is good to a point. If it's all you're after then you will suffer because you will become clung to that idea and will chase after it aggressively to the point where you feel, if you haven't got that, then you may as well be dead- which is very destructive and it's a one ticket to depression.

    I feel like the way you describe right now. I've moved city for uni and this past week I've done... not much in, my new flat- the course starts on Monday. Obviously everything is new and I have no real connections. So the only real goals I have to go on is my course/career/training. That's great but I don't have those relationship goals either. Which makes it all feel a bit meaningless. I know it isn't because my career and training is half of me but because I've lost those connections and a possible relationship with someone because I've moved out of the sphere of their life, I feel like I don't have anything. But you need to be able to operate with out relationships because when you do get in one, it's not because you need it, it's because you want it.
     
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  12. Final

    Final Regular Poster

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    It sounds like you feel a need for other people. How do you feel when you're alone?
     
  13. OP
    DeadlyPacifist

    DeadlyPacifist Regular Poster

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    ^I feel perfectly fine being alone IF I have a close relationship with at least one person...I don't need/want to be with that person/people all the time...I definitely appreciate having time alone to do things without interruption and to "recharge." I feel okay if I'm alone because I'm aware of having that relationship, but if I don't, then I constantly feel no will to live. x_x. However, for the close relationships, I'd still like to talk to them at least every day under 'normal ' circumstances, and hang out every 1-2 weeks. I feel like that's a reasonable thing to ask from someone..

    @Yield: Oh god, you just described me EXACTLY. I've resolved to suicide so many times when I suddenly come to the conclusion that it is pointless to live because I don't have that special friendship, and I feel like it'll be too difficult to find one, with the right person in this huge world. I've been depressed for...a really long time. I don't know if it's always been there or not. The degree of my negative emotions vary. Sometimes I feel really good for a while, and then I just want to die. I've realized though, each time I resolve to suicide, I feel more concrete about actually doing it..researching about ways to do it, etc. The only 2 reasons I haven't is because the possibility of failing and becoming a 'human vegetable' or severely handicapped, and also because of the possibility of "hell" even if it doesn't make sense to me. I really can't operate w/o relationships..which can be with someone I'm romantically interested in or a close friend...as weak as it sounds, it is my ONLY motivation for living D:. I don't let myself be abused by jerks completely...although it's happened in the past...and I'm really lenient..

    You sound like a really nice person =) The people in your uni are lucky to have you in their school! I'm sorry you're feeling this way =( I understand the general idea of what you're feeling...and I'm so sorry that I can't offer any useful advice really, since I have the exact same problem, but a lot worse X_X. However, what I do sometimes when I'm lonely is that I play piano/exercise, or try to focus on myself. I dunno if you play an instrument, but it really helps ^^. Good luck with classes and I hope you meet really compatible ppl!
     
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  14. It's an INFJ thing.

    Your motivation is inspired by the feelings of other, I would imagine. It's not necessarily about you feeling better by their validation, but by your achievements benefiting another human being. If it doesn't benefit someone, you don't feel like you've achieved something important.

    To you, I would imagine an "achievement" is when you make someone smile or laugh, or help they reach a goal. For someone else, an "achievement" is solving a complex task, or figuring out how to approach thing.

    I's just different for each person.
     
    #14 Deleted member 1391, Sep 26, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 26, 2009
  15. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    yeah that's true...... without other humans, there's no will to live..

    that's true for me, 3 YEARS BEFORE...... now it's DIFFERENT
    i realized that I needED others but then people have always failed my expectations, and so i conclude that if i base everything, my motivation, my success on other people, then i would end up being a failure.

    i don't want to depend EVERYTHING on other people especially things for myself. i find it hard NOT TO DO SO, but then, if i do, I KNOW FOR SURE that i would fail..

    so YEAH NOW..... I DON'T WANT TO BE MOTIVATED BY ANY OTHER PEOPLE EXCEPT MYSELF
     
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