Love and marriage | INFJ Forum

Love and marriage

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Mina_Noir, Dec 19, 2009.

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  1. Mina_Noir

    Mina_Noir Regular Poster

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    So ,I had a lot of converstations lately about the meaning of love ,or to be more exact about what love means to different people. To me love is more about shared values ,beliefs,common view over life etc. and obviously physical attraction.
    I know I am starting a rather lame thread ,but I would really like to know what love means to you ,people of this forum . And also what are your oppions about love and mariage.


     
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  2. Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

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    I don't think it's a lame thread at all!

    For me, love is about commitment - no matter what.
    So, if my the woman I marry ends up gaining 100 lbs, I'm still going to love her. If she's in a car accident and becomes a paraplegic, I'm still going to love her and not leave her.

    That commitment is the foundation. Built on the foundation come many things, some of which you listed, values, beliefs, common POV, shared interests.. and then the little things. When you know someone so well you know what they're thinking. When you think, "At right about how, so-and-so would say _____". When those are the things you can't live with out. Mmm hmm loooove :m055:
     
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  3. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    I think of love not only romantically but more of like something that moves people beyond what lovely things they can do for the greater good of many

    something that comes out naturally from their hearts which can move themselves and others.. something good to feel

    i think love is what everybody needs and what everybody wants.. love changes the impossible things.. i wish the whole world is full of love

    love brings not only happiness but satisfaction and appreciation of the simple things in life

    but i don't really think that love is perfect.. it has its flaws depending on how the person expresses it

    as for the romantic side.. like marriage i have never been in a relationship so this might sound very idealistic or impossible or i don't know

    but i want to be married when i know that i am emotionally stable, when i can control my emotions and myself. when i am completely committed to that one person and when i am honest enough to know that i really love that person.. not because of other reasons than love, deep friendship and connection, understanding and other emotional things :) :) and for me, marriage is something to be taken care of. something which should be kept unless you're beaten or abused by your husband and if you're having big fights etc... but, i don't really know.. i DON'T want to get married and divorce every time something bad happens.. i just want to be committed to one person and my partner to be equally committed to me... i would not marry someone who i don't know deeply. for me, marriage is more than what's written on marriage certificates.


    :) :m111::) hihihi i guess love is more than just a feeling... love is not just for two people it's meant to be shared to everybody :) :):mlove2:because i believe that in the end, love is what everybody needs.
     
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  4. OP
    Mina_Noir

    Mina_Noir Regular Poster

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    @Wyst
    yes,love is also about commitment . But in all honesty I seriously doubt that anyone would still love me if I gained 100lbd or if I had become a paraplegic . Love is also very egotistical . People want to get a 'good deal' out of a relationship.

    @soulseeker
    emotional stability is something u must defenetly have if u want to get married or have a serious relationship.
     
  5. Isis

    Isis Community Member

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    All of this probably sounds too idealistic but in my opinion this is exactly how it should be.

    I think true love is unconditional and not egotistical at all. Loving somebody means that you accept them just as they are and you don't place any demands on them. You would never ask the person you love to do anything you wouldn't do as well.

    It is a commitment, but that commitment is 100% free of obligation, it is completely voluntary and based solely on sincere desire to be the best you can be and bring out the best in the person you love. Love is a partnership based on equality. It is about support without expecting anything in return.

    I've often heard that in a relationship the one party will always give more than the other. And that is perfectly fine. In an ideal world everything would be equal but since we don't live in a perfect world, I think balance is the key. What one lacks, the other can fill in. When speaking about love in a partnership then love is exactly that, two people complementing each other.

    I agree that love is not perfect because people are not perfect. I think it's a mistake that people starting a relationship often make, believing that it could be perfect forever and they start to doubt it when things get rough and it seems that love is starting to fade. It's tempting to give up at this point. People change and so does love. The core stays the same but the layers surrounding it are always changing. That's why love is supported by trust, faith in each other, the connection that should only strengthen over time.

    And marriage supports all that. I believe in marriage. It's not about a piece of paper or vows made at the altar. It's about being with a person to whom you can give all the above and who gives you exactly the same back as well but all of this is based on free will.
     
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  6. Norton

    Norton XXXX

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    I agree completely. My INFJ and I have been married longer than the age of most people here, so my opinion is both idealistic and experiential.
     
  7. slant

    slant amour-propre
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    Love= Don't believe in/ doesn't exist
    Marriage= Don't believe in/ is retarded
     
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  8. Norton

    Norton XXXX

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    Marriage vows usually include "for better or worse" and "in sickness and health." People do get sick, people do gain weight (yes, your metabolism does slow down with age. Trust me--I fight to stay thin). Thus, my advice is don't marry someone who'd leave you were you to gain a lot of weight or become paraplegic. This would be an abnegation of his vows.

    True love is about the soul, not the body.
     
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  9. fairypotter

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    (my first post!)

    Also, I think, something else that is important to mention for what love means to INFJs is that you are able to put your guard down and fearlessly show the other all of your vulnerabilities and everything about you.

    And I think all love/dating should be honest, deep and serious. Playing around just seems disgusting and foriegn to me.
     
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  10. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    Love is compromise. It's maddening and irritating. But it really is nice to know someone is going to be around, and it makes you want to make someone else happy.

    As for marriage...I don't think it's necessarily. And one should wed not because they are supposed to, but because they genuinely want to be with someone and work towards a lifetime of compromise and supporting another.
     
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  11. Celsius100

    Celsius100 Community Member

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    Love... is something I often worry I've gotten completely wrong for this day and age.

    I see it as a common caring, support, and understanding for the other person. Not being afraid to let them know if they're about to do something that could hurt them, but also not forcing them away from anything against their will.

    Maybe I just have a hard time putting into words though. I'm a lot more visual a person in expression, so I'd have a much easier time painting it, I think. But... all I know is that... once, there was someone who I felt far more focused after hanging out with, and felt comfortable both talking to and listening to when either of us was going through a hard time, and someone who I honestly wouldn't have minded spending a lifetime experiencing the world with. That said... there were a few things that came up, but I still consider her one of the closest friends I'll ever have, and would gladly drop what I'm doing to support her in any situation.

    That said, perhaps due to inexperience, that was simply a crush, considering I had cut off my heart for a long period of time from thinking that I could ever be worth anyone's time. I've never honestly been in any kind of relationship so I suppose I'm a bit naive on the matter.

    I dunno. I'm just thinking on a keyboard, I guess.

    [Edit]: Oh jeez, I completely forgot about the second half of the topic. Though, I guess I just sort of see marriage as a reaffirmation from both parties as to their mutual feeling of love for each other... not really sure at all on that one. Well, idealistically, at least. In reality, marriage seems to be general craziness that ends in stupid disputes as often as it goes over well. *sigh*
     
    #11 Celsius100, Dec 22, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2009
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