Losing my F function? | INFJ Forum

Losing my F function?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Miss Introvert, Sep 14, 2009.

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  1. Miss Introvert

    Miss Introvert One

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    My close friend (I dated him) is a hermit INTJ, and I fear his romantic rejection of me after he moved and lengthy hibernations have desensitised me.

    The flip of it is, while I thought this was beneficial for my wellbeing (less likely to react over-emotionally to his disappearances), when I told him I was happy feeling less, he got sarcastic and angry, and we both went into our hibernation cubicles for months.

    This in itself isn't all that new. After he left, we fought pretty much constantly because we still loved each other, but agreed to lose our virginities to each other. But when I tried to harden myself up with T, friendship backfired.

    Maybe it had something to do with me (finally) moving on and finding someone else. Is there any way I can patch this up? Whenever I am confronted by his flat tone, I adopt a similar one - I cannot stand his frigidity. When I became more T-like, he accused me of being bitter. He also said that he didn't want me to end up like him (after he moved, he pretty much lost connection with everyone except me, and we fought constantly about his lack of motivation and reciprocation in relationships, with him burying himself away for months on end).

    Despite this, I love him as a friend, and wish our friendship would become more stable. Is it wrong to continue this attempt at friendship further? I found that trying to get him to relate to me on a feeling basis made me vulnerable to his rejection - but taking a T approach and moving on resulted in the same hibernation strategy where he avoided both me and his feelings. Can anyone lend me some insight into how to repair this properly, or instead continue moving on with my life?
     
    #1 Miss Introvert, Sep 14, 2009
  2. Altruistic Muse

    Altruistic Muse Community Member

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    I'm sorry to hear about this! I have been through something very similar with my ex. He blocked me out further and further until I felt forced to dump him. After which it all became my fault and I wasn't allowed to get in touch with him. This was right for me anyway. To not see or contact him and ignore the whole thing had happened and just move on with my life. It seems that you have put things into place so that you can do the same, but can't quite make the final move to break away from it. If it causes you a lot of pain, and if he is not making the effort here, I think you should leave it, and concentrate on your new relationship. Life is a long-term affair, and you still have this guys number, you can get in touch with him in a while once things have settled down. Who knows what is meant to happen in the future? It sounds to me as if you have a connection but he is not in a state of mind to make the most of it right now, and this is dragging you down. Allow him to recover and become more stable in himself, and try again in the future. I think this detachment will help you as well. Good luck!
     
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    #2 Altruistic Muse, Sep 14, 2009
  3. the

    the Si master race.
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    If you are moving on to a new relationship, it seems odd to me to keep the guy around.
     
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    #3 the, Sep 14, 2009
  4. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    Stress changes cognitive function order.

    Unstressed INFJ
    Ni, Fe, Ti, Se

    Slightly Stressed INFJ
    Fe, Ni, Ti, Se (anxious, paranoid, etc.)

    Stressed INFJ
    Ti, Fe, Ni, Se (detached, overly logical, firm, etc.)

    Very Stressed INFJ
    Se, Ti, Fe, Ni (aggressive, argumentative, etc.)

    INFJs and INTJs share introverted intuition (Ni) as their dominant function. Your best bet would probably to have approached it from an intuitive angle to let him know where you forsaw the relationship going, or in INFJ speak, how you saw your vision of the relationship in comparison to the reality. If you speak with him and try to understand how he envisions the future between you two, then perhaps you can salvage something out of it.
     
    #4 Satya, Sep 14, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2009
  5. daydreamer

    daydreamer Permanent Fixture

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    ^ That seems about right.
     
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    #5 daydreamer, Sep 15, 2009
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