My close friend (I dated him) is a hermit INTJ, and I fear his romantic rejection of me after he moved and lengthy hibernations have desensitised me.
The flip of it is, while I thought this was beneficial for my wellbeing (less likely to react over-emotionally to his disappearances), when I told him I was happy feeling less, he got sarcastic and angry, and we both went into our hibernation cubicles for months.
This in itself isn't all that new. After he left, we fought pretty much constantly because we still loved each other, but agreed to lose our virginities to each other. But when I tried to harden myself up with T, friendship backfired.
Maybe it had something to do with me (finally) moving on and finding someone else. Is there any way I can patch this up? Whenever I am confronted by his flat tone, I adopt a similar one - I cannot stand his frigidity. When I became more T-like, he accused me of being bitter. He also said that he didn't want me to end up like him (after he moved, he pretty much lost connection with everyone except me, and we fought constantly about his lack of motivation and reciprocation in relationships, with him burying himself away for months on end).
Despite this, I love him as a friend, and wish our friendship would become more stable. Is it wrong to continue this attempt at friendship further? I found that trying to get him to relate to me on a feeling basis made me vulnerable to his rejection - but taking a T approach and moving on resulted in the same hibernation strategy where he avoided both me and his feelings. Can anyone lend me some insight into how to repair this properly, or instead continue moving on with my life?
The flip of it is, while I thought this was beneficial for my wellbeing (less likely to react over-emotionally to his disappearances), when I told him I was happy feeling less, he got sarcastic and angry, and we both went into our hibernation cubicles for months.
This in itself isn't all that new. After he left, we fought pretty much constantly because we still loved each other, but agreed to lose our virginities to each other. But when I tried to harden myself up with T, friendship backfired.
Maybe it had something to do with me (finally) moving on and finding someone else. Is there any way I can patch this up? Whenever I am confronted by his flat tone, I adopt a similar one - I cannot stand his frigidity. When I became more T-like, he accused me of being bitter. He also said that he didn't want me to end up like him (after he moved, he pretty much lost connection with everyone except me, and we fought constantly about his lack of motivation and reciprocation in relationships, with him burying himself away for months on end).
Despite this, I love him as a friend, and wish our friendship would become more stable. Is it wrong to continue this attempt at friendship further? I found that trying to get him to relate to me on a feeling basis made me vulnerable to his rejection - but taking a T approach and moving on resulted in the same hibernation strategy where he avoided both me and his feelings. Can anyone lend me some insight into how to repair this properly, or instead continue moving on with my life?
