[INFJ] - Loosing yourself in a relationship | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Loosing yourself in a relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by TheFool, Dec 13, 2018.

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  1. TheFool

    TheFool Community Member

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    Hi my fellow INFJs!

    I would like to know how you prevent loosing yourself in a relationship?

    INFJs want to create harmony and we often sacrifice ourselves in relationships to meet the expectations and preferences of our partners. I have noticed that this is my way to show appreciation and intimacy but the truth is that ultimately it leads to a sense of not being enough when I adapt too much.

    For me it feels that I have not met the right one who understands me but it could also be possible that I am not able to be a partner..

    Is there other INFJs who have gone through the same thing over and over again until you found the right one who appreciates you as you are and not as they wish you to be?
     
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  2. Wyote

    Wyote ○●○
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  3. Wyote

    Wyote ○●○
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    What you gotta do is make sure you have your own pursuits, and pursue them.
    Keep yourself busy with yourself, because when you're not then you'll use all of that time being an ideal partner, or attempting to be anyway.
     
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  4. OP
    TheFool

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    True. Thus I have given up on trying to be an ideal partner.. Partners ought to embrace each other, not to try to find substitutes for something they lack within themselves.
     
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  5. JennyDaniella

    JennyDaniella Stargazer

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    Yeah! What @Wyote Ze Coyote has said!

    What I notice in some couples—not all though— is that they become so entangled with each other that one person or both persons in the relationship never puts enough time to put their own interests in their own hobbies; especially with friends, work, etc, etc.

    Being an INFJ, I can immediately attest to this because I have seen this with my own good friends in real life—male and female. It’s quite easy to start becoming into the aspects of your partner and is quite psychological, many studies looked into this. And sometimes, my friends literally discarded what they used to love doing.

    Before some of my friends have entered their current relationships, they have their own activities and pursuits as a single person; they were literally their own person! But as soon they became involved with their partner more over time, they started integrating a loooott of the majority of their time with their partner, and funny thing is that I would notice that some of my friends would also adopt their partner’s behavior and characteristics, even their texting styles! It’s the oddest thing hahaha! But not so great because the moment if a separation ever ensues, it is more difficult to recover because you literally have put all the focus on one person; hence why some people feel as if they “lost” themselves in the relationship and now they have to recover themselves back.

    So, do your own passions and interests. Make sure to stay the person you were before getting serious with someone. It’s understandable that you start adopting some styles and behaviors like your partner, but don’t get to the point where you lose yourself.

    The right person would accept you no matter what, differences and all. Being too dependent on someone never ends well.
     
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    TheFool

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    I agree what you said Jenny and I have been that person that you described.. It took quite a long time for me to recover myself after we separated but it was also because we have two daughters. The harder part was to accept that I no longer had a core family..

    I have always done things for others and it feels almost selfish to focus on myself. But I have recognized the lack of self-value that I am currently working on it. Saying “No” has such an empowering effect and I am going to keep on saying it more often. It feels good to allow myself to set boundaries and to storage the energy for myself. ☺️

    Thank you for your sincere reply! ☺️
     
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  7. JennyDaniella

    JennyDaniella Stargazer

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    You’re very welcome! :)
     
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  8. Ren

    Ren Pin's android and co-founder of Stoic Café

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    I think you are taking the right approach. No shame in saying "no" — on the contrary, it is fundamental :)

    I think that after a while, it will begin to feel more natural. Good luck!
     
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