[PUG] - Looking for companionship for….what reasons? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

[PUG] Looking for companionship for….what reasons?

SpaceCowgirl said:
I would say a serious relationship consists of more emotional support(financial to but im still relying on my parents), and a casual one you agree not to expect that. What your looking for really depends on where you are in your life, and who you are, so if you agree on what kind of relationship you want your likely in similar spaces and more likely to work out.

If you agree on a casual relationship then you'll probably still talk and open up to each other the way you would with any friend, but you have an understanding that neither of you want to be relied on to heavily, and in my experience there's no hard feelings when someone needs space.

If you both need a lot of support in whatever way then both people will expect their partner to always be there when they need them, and this needs to be reciprocated. If at any point one of them doesn't want the responsibility for someones feeling anymore then that sucks and that's when it ends, but it helps to know what your getting into.
dating is the same as any relationship in terms of the connection you make with the person. The real difference is that your agreeing on some level of commitment to each other, and when it ends its official and bound to be a bigger deal then losing touch with a friend, so ground rules are needed.
and sex...sex is another major difference
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Sex as in intercourse or sex as in male/female?
 
acd said:
While I don't necessarily disagree with seizing the day.. I do think that putting your personal goals first over getting into a relationship is important. People need to take care of themselves, first and foremost. What good are you to anyone if you're not content in yourself? Achieving your goals isn't always a hiding mechanism. I think it's a good idea to make your own happiness and then share it with others.

It's so important to be ready for a relationship, to have no regrets and doubts about what you "could have done."
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There doesn't have to be a black or white option:

You can still take care of yourself and go for personal goals while seizing the day.

That's what I'm essentially saying. :caked:

The worst thing is when somebody gets in that pattern of "after this, once this is done, just wait 'til, one day etc." You may be focusing on your goals and things ahead with all of your might (and that's good) but you may end up loosing sight of opportunities, experiences, and things that right are in front of you!

Put it this way, I'll give you a perfect example: A long time ago, about 2 years ago, I was going home and I saw this very gorgeous tall and classy Korean lady gracefully walking in a busy crowded street near a famous cable car stop. Now, here I was with no job, nothing really going on except my college, unshaven, I was not feeling all-right too. On top of that I was a little nervous. Did I let that stop me from meeting her? Hell no. I knew that there will never would have been a right time. Even if I was filthy rich, with the lifestyle of a successful person, with the rock-solid confidence of George Clooney I would still have looked for an excuses to not seize the day (a lot of people are trying to finish the imaginary finish line). I just went in as me in that moment of time.

If you're curious on what happened afterwards, I'll just say she never let go of my hand when we met there, literally and metaphorically. And we are still in touch to this day; I have a feeling she wants to move here. Anyway, If you were to tell me or anyone for that matter that something should be taken care first before I'd "seize the day," then guess what? I wouldn't have met her, actually none of the sexy, beautiful, romantic, funny, cool, kinky, unique, wild and spontaenous memories wouldn't have happened.

In short,

It's all balance: the car on the road of life enjoying the scenery on the way.
 
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What makes a person ‘ready’ for the demand of a relationship, and what are the demands of a relationship, exactly? What is the formula for a relationship that ‘works’ and what sorts of relationships (romantic) are there?
I don't know what makes a person "ready" for the demands, to be honest. I think that whomever goes into it wants something and they're never fully ready for what the individual they're getting into it with is expecting from them.

I don't know what the demands are, either, because people have different ones, but in the end I think one of the sole reasons is sexuality. People get crazy when they're in relationships, well, the ones I've seen.Pay attention to me, call me, talk to me, agree with me, take my side, lay with me, watch stuff with me, share my interests even if you're not interested, humor me when i am not funny, hold me when i cry even if you don't want to, and things that go further. don't talk to other girls more than me, don't talk to other boys more than me, don't tell me to not do what i want to do, and have sex with me when i want it.
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this is excellent.
 
I, as with the others, don't think there's a 'ready' moment to engage in a relationship. All you have is 'want' and 'not want', for various reason. This is in terms of engaging one. In maintaining one, tho, there's 'need' or not. there's 'ready' or not moments. Because despite one's desire and needs and wants being OH SO VERY CLEAR, they don't know what they'd got in a relationship when beginning it, but they know what they got when they have it within their possession.

But for looking for companionship, I'd say the reason are endless; companion itself, the romance, the idea of falling in love itself, sex, emotional security, emotional comfort, physical comfort, status, etc. For each reason, the implications, the overtones within that relationship would differ. The term "in love" or "looking for companionship" would be too big and wide to generalize all people, yet we all do. That's what makes it very confusing.
 
Trifoilum said:
I, as with the others, don't think there's a 'ready' moment to engage in a relationship. All you have is 'want' and 'not want', for various reason. This is in terms of engaging one. In maintaining one, tho, there's 'need' or not. there's 'ready' or not moments. Because despite one's desire and needs and wants being OH SO VERY CLEAR, they don't know what they'd got in a relationship when beginning it, but they know what they got when they have it within their possession.

But for looking for companionship, I'd say the reason are endless; companion itself, the romance, the idea of falling in love itself, sex, emotional security, emotional comfort, physical comfort, status, etc. For each reason, the implications, the overtones within that relationship would differ. The term "in love" or "looking for companionship" would be too big and wide to generalize all people, yet we all do. That's what makes it very confusing.
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Yeah, I was citing specifically looking for a companionship; I deliberately avoided using phrases such as 'in love' 'seeking love' because this was not the pinnacle point of the thread.
 
People don't have long lasting relationship only for one reason and it is their question to themselves. They ask: How to make relationship very strong and it will last till their last breath? How to do?
But i think we should change this question, let's keep in this way: What changes i need to make within myself? Readiness to understand things which were never thought. If you change yourself, you know your world will change. Try to look your relatives problems through your eyes. Look for universal thinking. Never quit in any relationship. There are more things to discuss, i will come back later.
 
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slant said:
Yeah, I was citing specifically looking for a companionship; I deliberately avoided using phrases such as 'in love' 'seeking love' because this was not the pinnacle point of the thread.
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I have to say it's making things more confused, slant. To me it's like saying, "oh, no, I'm asking why people like red instead of vermillion."

But anyways. Some people my age-- hell, my acquaintances-- had always been this way. Looking for companionship, making relationship just because..s/he played the game well. Not wrong at any rate; the game's played well, that's great. But rather empty; no apparent sense of purpose...except the idea of having a companion itself. That somehow, everything will be alright, they would fit together and spent eternity till death do them part.

From personal experience, I have been constantly getting forth and back within that; "Should I just hook up, and see what happens?" but after much thinking about it, most of the times I concluded that yes, I have to seek more people, but not randomly initiate relationship. Finding the 'spark', the limerence first, before even considering entering a relationship.

I think there's a maxim saying...look before you leap? yes. That.
 
slant said:
I thought you were implying accidental pregnancy;homosexuals generally have to go through a very difficult adoption process.
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unless they just have a kid with a woman.
 
slant said:
I've always been under the impression that being 'hurt' in a relationship is inevitable and that trying to avoid it or pretend like it will never happen to you is like trying to dodge the flu when everyone in your house already has it; it's going to happen, and maybe you'll be lucky and not have it occur during that particular time, but most people will come down with the flu in their lifetime and lots of people are going to have difficulties with romantic relationships.

...

In a way, isn't the experience of having something 'go wrong' or 'be rough' a positive in the sense that you know how to handle it better the next time? Things like these make us grow as human beings, in my opinion, because we develop sides of ourselves and methods of coping with things that we did not have before.

The financial dependency on parents when you are younger dating does distraught me.
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Yeah, I think getting hurt in a relationship is pretty inevitable too, but I think there is a difference between getting your heart stomped on and someone hurting your feelings.

I "had it rough" growing up, and it never did me any favors. When my heart broke the first time it didn't break any more than it did the second time. I know for a fact that I was more vulnerable at sixteen than I was at twenty-one, but I had a lot more to lose at twenty-one.

It's a gamble, and I guess what I was trying to say in my first post was "when you think you are stable." When you can afford to lose. It's not how much "experience" you have. I can imagine it would be rough dating a crack-head. I don't think it gets any easier dating a crack-head even if you've had prior experience. It isn't how much money you have in the bank, but it's nice if you don't have to worry about paying the rent. I could even say scratch that because even though they are fucking crazy my parents have a pretty solid relationship. They have always struggled to pay the rent (if they get divorced I'll come back to this thread).
 
Well billy...I must admit...that would be a really awkward situation to explain if a homosexual couple accidentally had a child with a woman.

Gay Guy 1: "Hey honey, I've got a kid."

Gay Guy 2:"What?"

Gay Guy 1:"Yeah I hopped up that woman at the bar, on accident."

Gay Guy 2:"Uhh....."

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Trifolium, if you really think about it, those are seemingly nonconstructive reasons to have a relationship, very unrealistic. Just because everyone else is spending their time in a ludicrous manner that society deems appropriate, doesn't necessary mean it makes sense, and I'm beginning to think this is one of them.

Of all of the posters, none of you have stated a concrete, constructive reason that companionship would be required. It is more of a 'do it if you want thing' which, doesn't make sense because it seems like it is expected by society for you to go out and date and find a companion, even though it's something more of a preference and hobby rather than a life goal. Companionship is often grouped into categories like going to school and getting an education or starting a career; but I do not see the similarities, seeing as, while school may be optional, getting a job and earning money is not; you must do this.
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Christmas.
Perhaps the financial independence isn't important for everyone. I don't like leaning on others for income and having other people pay for me and accumulating a debt that I need to pay to them. I just thought that ideally financial dependence would be required on both ends of a relationship so they could pay for themselves; financial matters are in the top five reason for conflicts between partners.
 
slant said:
Christmas.
Perhaps the financial independence isn't important for everyone. I don't like leaning on others for income and having other people pay for me and accumulating a debt that I need to pay to them. I just thought that ideally financial dependence would be required on both ends of a relationship so they could pay for themselves; financial matters are in the top five reason for conflicts between partners.
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For you I'd say wait until ya have a sweet-ass job, but I forgot this isn't about you, sorry. If financial independence were the answer though Hollywood couples would last a lot longer than they do.
 
christmas said:
For you I'd say wait until ya have a sweet-ass job, but I forgot this isn't about you, sorry. If financial independence were the answer though Hollywood couples would last a lot longer than they do.
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It's my fault I shouldn't have brought myself up if I didn't want my situation to be commented upon; I was just mentioning it to relate, to say that this is what I thought was important and self-realizing perhaps it is only important to I.

My current predicament does not permit me to question whether or not I should enter a relationship.
 
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